Euro 2008: Day 14

Croatia vs. Turkey

1 - 1
1 - 3 (p)

Just so you know, Croatian for "Are you choking?" is "Jesu te gušenje?" Man, it has to suck to be Croatian this morning. But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

Yesterday Vienna was teeming with Turkish and Croatian fans alike, and we knew the fan mile was going to be a veritable war zone, so we opted to go to a bar to watch the game instead. It was a good choice, mostly because if I had had to stand and watch that game, I'm pretty sure my legs would have given out from boredom long before it was over. At some point during the game I decided I was tentatively rooting for Croatia, based on their jerseys, their superior cuteness, and the fact that so many Croats had driven to Vienna to see the game. I thought they deserved to see a win for their troubles. But as the game wore on--and on--I found myself hoping that someone, anyone, would just score already. There were some close calls, mostly by Croatia, but they always ended up with someone hitting the crossbar, or falling down before heading the ball, or some other such nonsense. It was pretty frustrating. So it ended up going into overtime, which should have been exciting, except that it wasn't. It was just more of the same boring game. Finally, after 119 minutes of play, the Croatians scored with just under two minutes left in the second and final overtime. It was a bit of a haphazard play, but it worked. The Turkish goalie came out of his net to play the ball, not knowing that a Croatian player was coming up behind him. The Croat ended up getting the ball away from him, and centering a pass, which was headed in before the goalie could get back in his net. We all cheered, more from relief than from actual excitement, thinking that the game was finally over. Unfortunately, soccer overtime isn't sudden death, so we still had a couple of minutes left to play. It seemed like just a formality, just another way to punish us with this never-ending game. But then it happened. With literally a second left in the game (actually, pretty much negative time left in the game, since we were in the stoppage time of the overtime period), Turkey somehow scored. I never actually saw how it went in, because I was too busy laughing that it had actually happened. Croatia, and all the Croatian fans in the crowd, were completely stunned.

So I got my first taste of penalty kicks last night, and let me tell you, it blows. It sucks even harder than hockey shootouts, because not only is it a competition based on individual skill that has nothing to do with the 120 minutes of team sport played before it, but the keepers really have no shot. At least in hockey, a goaltender has trained extensively to stop scoring situations similar to a shootout goal (breakaways, etc.), but in soccer it's basically a guessing game. A keeper has to choose if he's going to jump right or left before the ball is even kicked, if he wants any chance at saving the shot. And since he's not allowed to leave the goal line until the ball is touched, it's not at all how he would try to defend that situation in the course of game play. It's pretty bullshit. On the other hand, I understand that soccer games can't go on indefinitely, and in the case of last night's game, I'm glad they do come to an end sometimes.

That being said, Croatia really has no one to blame but themselves for how they choked in the penalties. Their first and third shooters completely missed the net (which, as a hockey fan, I find impossible--it's so big!), and their last attempt was saved to give Turkey, who had made all of their penalty kicks, the victory.

[Getty Images]

The whole thing made me wonder if Croatia is really just a neighborhood of Buffalo that I've never been to, because it was the kind of last-second heartbreak that would be right at home alongside Wide Right, the Forward Lateral, and Jay McKee's leg. Even though I was very neutral through most of this game, I feel especially bad for the Croatians today, because I can appreciate what it feels like to, in the span of five minutes, go from this:

My brother's Doppelgänger, after scoring.
[Getty Images]

To this:

Aw, cheer up, Dan. You're not even really Croatian.
[Getty Images]

So that's it. Germany's going to be playing Turkey, the team that refuses to die, in the semifinals on Wednesday. They certainly have a taste for the last-minute dramatics (winning 2-1 in the stoppage time against Switzerland, coming from two goals down to win 3 - 2 against Czech Republic), but here's hoping Germany can put an end to that. Also, here's hoping everyone in Berlin stays safe. It's gonna get intense.