Idiot's Guide to UEFA Euro 2008: Group B

The UEFA Euro Cup (also known by about a billion other names like the European Football Championship, Euro 2008, or die Euro or die EM if you're speaking German) is a competition consisting of 16 teams, split up into four groups of four. In the early rounds of the tournament, the teams from each group compete amongst themselves and the top two finishers go on to play in the quarter finals. The 2008 schedule looks like this. I've spent the past couple of days getting to know the teams a little bit, and here's what I've found out.

Group B - Austria, Croatia, Germany, Poland

Austria

"Hosted By Losers" - That pretty much says it all.
[Der Spiegel]

What I think: My recent reaction to the apathy of the Viennese didn't really tell the whole story of my feelings about Austria. Though it's true I preferred Berlin, Vienna has it's own charms. First of all, there's Wiener Schnitzel which is almost delicious enough to make me stop missing the Döner in Berlin (almost), and a national obsession with a meal called "Coffee and Cake" can never be a bad thing. Plus, for a theater and German nut, like myself, who wants to see theater in German, it's pretty much the perfect place. I just want to see the city get a little riled up, that's all. And since the easiest way for that to happen is for them to win a few games, I'm fully behind team Austria.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Macho, Prödl, Fuchs, Ivanschitz
The outlook: It's not too good. Austria has never qualified for the finals of the Euro Cup before, ever. And I'm not entirely sure how the qualifying works, but I think they may have just gotten a free pass in this time because they're hosting. The tournament website tells me they've only played friendly matches leading up to the finals, which certainly makes it sound like they bypassed the whole qualifying thing. They didn't qualify for the 2006 World Cup either, so they remain essentially untested in competitive international play, but who knows how home field advantage could spark their game. The Germany/Austria game (on June 16th) is going to be huge, and if Austria wins, look out. Despite the not-so-encouraging evidence, coach Josef Hickersberger (heh) remains convinced that his team will flourish in the role of host and will make the quarterfinals. I'm hopeful, but, looking at the rest of Group B, less than convinced.

Croatia

Ivan Klasnić - Wait a second, what's my brother doing playing
for the Croatian national team?
[Getty Images]

What I think: Seriously, that picture looks just like my brother (minus the weird facial hair), and it's freaking me out. I wish I had an appropriate comparison photo to throw up here and make you all see it, but I don't, so you'll just have to take my word for it. Anyway. The Croats have been a pleasant epiphany for me. I've always wanted to visit Dubrovnik, but other than that I didn't really have much knowledge of Croatia. A preliminary perusal of their team photos has me convinced that they're all very cute buttons, and their red-and-white checkered jerseys (not featured in the above photo) are really quite pleasing. I'm inclined to cheer for Team Croatia.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Srna, Runje, Rakitić
The outlook: Phew, it seems my sudden, unexpected crush on the Croats might not be doomed, as the website assures me that they are "packing a mean punch." They certainly whirled through the qualifying round, only losing one game, and clinching their place atop their qualifying group with one game to spare. They're also the ones to thank for saving Vienna from those pesky English, as they defeated them in their final game 3-2 and ended their hopes of qualifying. They're coming off of consecutive defeats in the group stages of Euro 2004 and the 2006 World Cup, but this time around they're looking delightfully juggernauty. Let's see if they can keep it up. I'm certainly hoping they can.

Germany

Michael Ballack - Hey, I remember this guy, too!
[Getty Images]

What I think: In all the World Cups I've seen, Germany has been my default team to cheer for, and I don't see that changing for the Euro. I'm a big fan of their language, their food, and their capital. Why wouldn't I be a fan of their football team, too? And if Cristiano Ronaldo is the face of the tournament I'll never forget, Michael Ballack is the name I'll never forget. During the 2002 World Cup, which I watched in Hamburg (Germany, not WNY), "Ballack" was one of the few words I could understand amid the mess of German commentary. (At the time I was still learning Spanish.) And for some reason my family and I spent much of the Germany games of the 2006 World Cup just saying "Ballack" over and over again in progressively exaggerated German accents. It's been pretty beaten into my brain.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Schweinsteiger (not only does it sound funny, in German it means "pig climber"), Frings, Hitzlsperger, Odonkor
The outlook: Germany's the most successful team in Euro Cup history, having won the Cup three times, in '72 and '80 as West Germany, and in '96 as reunified Germany. They're a perennial powerhouse when it comes to international football, and will be looking to accomplish what they failed to do in 2006 when they hosted the World Cup. I know it was two years ago, but I expect they'll still be riding a wave of their fans' World-Cup related excitement coming into the Euro. It was kind of a big deal for the Germans. As far as their qualification games went, they were pretty all over the place. They were the first team to qualify for the finals, but ultimately finished second in their group to the Czechs (I'm not sure how that works, but that's what the website is telling me). At one point they beat San Marino 13-0, and at another they lost to the Czech Republic 0-3. I'm sure they'll bring their best game to Austria, though, and shouldn't have a problem making it to the quarterfinals.

Poland

Polish Fans - They're pretty hardcore.
[Getty Images]

What I think: Yet another Group B team I could see myself rooting for, based solely on the fact that Krakow was, outside of Berlin, the best city I visited during my European trip. (Yes, it was better than Paris.) The city was beautiful and yet somehow (unlike Prague) mostly devoid of tourists, the beer was tasty, the pierogies were worship-worthy, and the streets filling with hundreds of football fans and riot police was exhilarating. I would definitely go back if I had the chance. My experience in Krakow was enough reason for me to wish Team Poland well.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Kuszczak, Wawrzyniak, Dudka, Błaszczykowski
The outlook: Like Austria, Poland will be appearing in their first ever Euro Cup finals this year, but unlike Austria, they at least got there honestly. They came out on top of the only qualifying group that contained eight teams instead of seven, with Portugal as their runners-up, due to a strong performance by striker Euzebiusz Smolarek and a six-game winning streak. They lost out in the first stage of the 2006 World Cup to Germany and Ecuador, but they should be able to ride the momentum of their qualification wins and the passion of their fans and make this Group B interesting.

Coming Soon: Groups C and D!