While I'm Here...

I don't know if you guys have noticed, but my taste for blogging has recently returned in quasi-full force! It's somewhat puzzling: are my usual prolific tendencies of the off-season hitting me a little bit early this year, or am I just trying to procrastinate on writing this German analysis of stage design in any way possible? Um, for the sake of the sanity of the people who pay for my education and also happen to read this blog, I'd rather not say. (Just kidding, Mom and Dad! That German stage design is so analyzed, it's not even funny.) In any case, I figured since I'm already here, babbling on about blogging, my personal ratings of the Sabres, and Germans I may someday grow to love, I may as well write something about, you know, what's actually happening in the NHL. This thing called the "Playoffs" has just reached a point called the "Conference Finals," and apparently it's some kind of big deal. Man, I feel so separated from the NHL these days, it's like there's an ocean between us, or something. Anyway, let's see what all the fuss is about! (A better blogger than I would have had this up before the games actually started. But I am not, in case you haven't noticed, a better blogger than I, so this will have to do.)

Western Conference Final
First things first, I have to admit that after the Devils succumbed to my bandwagon poison in the first round, the Stars sort of took over where they left off. As a Sabres fan from a Sabres fan family, and someone with pre-teen, PTSD-y memories of No Goal, I'm a little surprised to be rooting for the Stars, but what can I say? 1999 was a long time ago, and they've won me over with their spunky underdog ways. They so kindly got rid of the two teams I most wanted to see gone from the West in their first two rounds, which surprisingly few expected them to do. Unfortunately, I see a problem here. They're playing the Red Wings. Before last night I hadn't seen the Wings play a single game this season, but Detroit's reputation definitely precedes them. One look at their stats and standings for the season tells you that they're a well-oiled hockey machine, and maybe it's mostly the red unis, but I can't help but be reminded of the "Feeling of Futility and Impending DOOM" you're supposed to get looking at the Soviet team in the movie Miracle. In less historically problematic terms, they're the Genetically Engineered Superhuman High of the NHL, and I'm probably going to spend the rest of the series looking for the zipper in Nicklas Lidstrom's belly. So while my heart says Dallas, my head says Detroit. But either way, based on the half-game I saw last night, I think I'm going to enjoy this series, if I continue to be able to watch it. The Wings may not be as endearing as the Stars, but they are good at hockey. And I, despite what my Sabres fandom might say about me, enjoy good hockey. As long as Hasek remains on the bench, that is. Totally uneducated guess of a prediction: Hockey Robots in 6

Eastern Conference Final
Wow, this is weird, isn't it? I know it's kind of "Duh" to point out at this point so deep in the playoffs that the Sabres aren't in it, but I can't help but find it strange to think that there are only four teams left, and the Sabres aren't one of them. It's a little bit heartbreaking, actually. Anyway, a Sabres fan's rooting interests in the Battle of Pennsylvania are clear. (Not that I followed the rules for Sabres fans in the West, but the Stars are far less repulsive than the Flyers.) You may hate the Sidney hype machine, you may think Malkin is a slack-jawed idiot, and you may think "Flower" is the dumbest nickname a grown man has ever willingly endured, but none of that matters because they're playing the Flyers. If their blood lust and dedication to goonery don't make you puke, that shade of orange will. Fortunately for me, I happen to like the Penguins anyway. I adore Sid, and I can't think of a single player on the team whom I outright dislike. Plus, they seem to clearly be the better team in these playoffs. They easily swept the Senators (delightful!), dismissed the Rangers in five (double delightful!), and looked good doing it. Of course, the Sens were a mess and the Rangers were the Jagr Show (I think that pretty much says it all) so we'll have to see how they respond when they're actually challenged. The Flyers, on the other hand, had some trouble getting rid of the Caps, as their first round match-up went to seven games, but seemed to pick up some momentum when they won four straight games to send the Habs packing in five. (I guess. I mean, I didn't watch one second of that series.) And while I'm absolutely in the Pens' camp on this one, I've decided an upset wouldn't be the end of the world after all. Out of the "Three That Got Away" from the Sabres over the past calendar year, Danny Briere is the one I hate the least. (Basically at this point I only hate him because he's a Flyer--unlike Drury, whom I hate for reasons additional to his Rangerness, and Soupy, whom I don't hate for being a Shark [for now] at all. I just hate him for being.) I wouldn't rejoice if he won the Cup, but I probably wouldn't die either. Besides, the Flyers have Marty Biron, who's like this playoff's version of "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass." I've decided that should Philadelphia go on to the Finals, and should they win the Cup, my unconditional love of Marty will be enough to get me through it. Still, I'm going with my heart on this one. Totally uneducated guess of a prediction: Sidguins in 7

Game Diary: Sabres @ Flyers 12/22/07

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! That’s right, it’s Gambler Game Diary time! The time you’ve all been waiting for! Trust me, I can feel how bated your breath has been from here.

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been hearing the siren call of the game diary, and it seems like the stars have finally aligned to make this an optimal opportunity for my first “live” attempt at this. I’m back at the Desperation Homestead for Christmas break before heading off to the Land of Jochen in January, which means I only have a few short days to enjoy my favorite activity of watching Sabres games with my family. Also, given how awesome last night’s game was, this should be a pretty great rematch tonight. I’ve never done one of these things before, and this may very well turn into an unmitigated disaster, but the conditions certainly seem right. On with the diary!

We tune into the game just in time to see Roby interviewing Spacek rinkside, and by the end it looks like Roby’s about to crack up. I can’t blame him. One of the many reasons I should never be trusted with a press pass is because I don’t think I could ever conduct an interview with Jaro in which all the questions didn’t consist of “Okay, and…. Hahahahahahaha!!!”

Also, I guess this means Neale is preoccupied with his duties to Hockey Night in Canada tonight. See, I told you the stars were aligning to make this a great game to recap! I never thought I’d be so happy to see Mike Robitaille.

First Period

19:27 Mair gets thing started in the physical department (heh), as he lays a pretty decent hit in the Flyer zone.
18:23 Super Freak Kotalik is back on the bench, despite taking a puck to the face during the warm up. Don’t worry, if Connolly is any indication, it’ll take Kotalik at least a game or two to fall mysteriously “ill” from the effect of that non-injury.
17:42 YAY! After a lot of so-called patient (I’m pretty sure a Buffalo home crowd would have been somewhat less than patient) passing on the power play Max squeaks a shot past a befuzzled Marty. Roby gives some not-so-insightful commentary about the goal, but at least he doesn’t actively annoy me with his uselessness.
15:49 Pominville and Hecht put on some pretty nice sustained pressure in the Philly zone, and even though they ultimately don’t have anything to show for it, color me impressed. They’ve been pretty consistently our best backchecking forwards, and here they’re proving to be pretty effective forecheckers, too.
13:43 Another long play of decent forchecking by the Hecht line culminates in a very dramatic and expectant tip back to the point. As always happens after these overly-long lead-ins to point shots, the shooter’s stick breaks and we all feel like idiots for expecting something exciting to happen.
12:08 Tallinder, rushing back to catch up on a defensive play, does his best Roy impression and falls rather spectacularly to the ice for no apparent reason. He knows how hurt and miserable his biggest fan is right now, though, so he thoughtfully still manages to make the play.
11:24 As the “Let’s Go Flyers” chants rain from the rafters, it occurs to me that there’s been no retaliation booing in response to the treatment Briere got in Buffalo. It doesn’t surprise me in the least to learn that Flyers fans care less about that kind of thing than Caps fans.
11:04 A well-placed pass into the low slot by Hecht (which no one was able to pick up, of course) prompts my brother to say “He’s so good at those!” Dan never says anything nice about anyone I like, so it takes a little time for me to stop bristling and accept that he was being serious. Of course, now that we’ve established that, I can’t help but think that maybe that pass was originally meant to be a shot on net. Yo-Yo is, indeed, so good at that.
10:19 As a distraction from the riveting Peters-Cote fight going on, my brother reminds the room that Andrew Peters coached my high school’s hockey team during the lockout, and I’m in utter shock that I never knew this! I guess hockey was farther off my radar pre-lockout than I originally thought. Anyway, I seem to remember that the team sucked that year, but Dan assures me they didn’t. Me: “I’m sure they sucked at fighting, anyway.” And really, they must have, because that fight was lame.
--During the commercial my family starts ragging on me for sitting at my computer instead of partaking of some of my mom’s delicious meatloaf and mac and cheese comfort food. My dad encourages, “Don’t be a bloghead.” And he’s way prouder of that pun than he should be.
--Coming back from commercial, we get a shot of the patented Staffy scowl sitting on the bench, and my sister declares, “Stafford has a wonky face.” Me: “Stafford has a wonky face? Stafford?! Meghan, I think Miller would like you to stop throwing stones in his lopsided glass house.”
8:50 Paetsch and Richards seem a little hesitant to get their fight going after they’ve set the stage for it, but before they have time to take full stock of their lives and realize just how futile this existence truly is, they jump at each other and manage to put on a more entertaining show than Peters and Cote did. Not that it’s that hard. Paetsch is already halfway to the box by the time Richards emerges (9% faster!) from the depths of the sweater that was pulled over his head, and my mom comments on how red he looks. Me: “Well he’s embarrassed! He just got his ass kicked by someone nicknamed ‘Patches!’”
6:02 After Meghan pleads, “Briere, just go away” he promptly complies and goes offside. There’s some bumping after the whistle and Meghan narrates, “Campbell’s all, ‘Briere why are you bumping into me? Is it because I’m captain and you’re not?’” And you know what? I’d even take that kind of commentary over Harry Neale.
5:35 Roby wants to prove he can be better than Neale, too, as he says, “Some guys would rather drink Draino than come in here and play the Flyers!” But the guys who come in and play as Flyers? They drink Draino anyway. For breakfast. Because they enjoy the taste.
4:32 Meghan worries aloud about Biron’s choice in leg pads, because only his feet are orange while the rest is white: “He looks like he was dipped in white paint, but only up to a certain point.” Dan: “Like Achilles.” Me: “Shoot for the heels, guys, shoot for the heels! It’s his weakness!”
3:34 As the Flyers get whistled for a penalty, there’s a zoom in on Roy. Meghan: “He looks fat.” Me: “Not everyone can be Ryan Miller.”
3:20 Biron knocks Pommers in the face with his stick hand when he gets too close after a save, and while Mom is strangely unriled by this hostility toward her Pommers’ face, RJ and Roby start theorizing about what kind of words were exchanged. RJ reminds us that Pommers is bilingual so he would be able to understand whatever Biron threw out at him, but Roby thinks Marty has the advantage since he’s “bilingual in every language he speaks.” We’re all so busy laughing about this that we barely notice when the Flyers score. Sigh.
0:34 We get a shot of Thibault on the bench, with a pretty nasty gash on his crooked nose. Poor guy, but at least he looks like a warrior!
0:00 Well, all in all I’d have to say that was a pretty solid period of entertaining hockey, save the Peters fight (as always), and the defensive breakdown that led to the Philly goal. This whole game-diarizing thing is certainly a new experience of watching hockey, but I think it might be a success so far.

First Intermission

Before I get up from my computer to quiet my family’s complaints about me not eating, my dad asks if the blue and gold display behind Rob Ray is some sort of shag rug. I offer that it’s in fact a latchhook project that Ray himself completed to spruce up the studio. Dad: “Is that what retired hockey players do? Who knew they were so crafty.”

We crack ourselves up watching the “What would you buy Lindy for Christmas?” piece. Seriously well done, Sabres people. Comedic gold. I think Goose wins for a) putting so much thought into it, and b) coming up with the idea for a mustache comb/trimmer. Ha! Peters also gets some brownie points back from making me watch that fight, by saying that his rookie card is too valuable to give away to Lindy, so he’d probably give him his second-year card instead. At least he has a sense of humor. I point out to my mom that Pommers couldn’t be bothered to think up a gift of his own, but merely copied the tie suggestion that other players (including Yo-Yo) made. Mom: “Well, he knows it doesn’t matter what he says, as long as he’s cute while he says it. So he just cuts the crap.” Dad: “Yeah, he really shoots from the pelvis.” (Hee! Well played, Dad.)

Second Period

19:30 I start off the period by sharing with Meghan the fact that, according to VS, Vanek is fluent in Midwestern as well as German, Czech, and English, since he went to college in Minnesota. Dan: “Ugh, VS is so stupid. That VS stands for vagina station.” Mom: “Don't use that word, please.” Dan: “Fine, vagina show.”
17:17 Spurred on by a Jaro close-up after the play, Meghan launches into her favorite Spacek impression, and starts blabbering about exactly what kind of car he’d buy Lindy and how exactly it would be better than the “Teyota” he drives now. Mom is impressed that Jaro would hypothetically buy Lindy the most expensive gift of all the players, but she seems to have forgotten about how desperate Patches is for ice time. He’d probably get him a small private island. Or some blow.
16:55 SUPER FREAK! Kotalik weathers the beating at the side of the net to muscle home the rebound from a Goose wraparound attempt. With Kotalik’s usually hands-off style of play it’s easy to forget how big he is, but he definitely used his size there. It makes me a little sad that the guy they show in the stands after the goal is wearing a Yo-Yo jersey. It’s probably not fair, but I feel a little less special with every one of those I see.
16:12 As if sensing this waver in faith, Yo-Yo flattens some Flyer along the boards, and my devotion is renewed.
15:39 Miller covers up smartly on a dangerous bouncing puck that careened out from behind his net. Dad: “He saw that out of the corner of his eye.” Mom: “Which one, the one that faces in or the one that faces out?” After we take some shit from Meghan for insulting her hockey boyfriend, it’s determined that one of Miller’s eyes is in fact always trained on the puck, no matter where it may be, or what solid objects may be in the way. Dan: “He’s Mad-Eye Miller!”
13:35 Meghan watches her second hockey boyfriend, Mike “Sesame Street” Ryan wipe out with the puck in the Flyer zone, and declares that he and Roy should start a synchronized diving team. And why not? The summer Olympics are in the offseason, right?
12:02 WOOT! Yo-Yo hustles off the bench to steal the puck, carry it all the way in behind the net, and lay it back out in front, where Pominville slams it by Biron on a neat one-timer. Mom: “That’s my man-boy!” (Recognizing that age issues complicate her referring to Pommers as “her man,” Mom’s taken to calling him “her man-boy.” She has not yet taken my advice to call him “her man-puppy.” But maybe someday soon.)
11:53 Coming back from a commercial, we’re left trying to figure out who got the penalties in the pre-commercial, after-the-whistle scrum. After Mom does her impression of what Pommers looked like in the middle of it all, we decide it can’t be him in the box, since standing like a wobbly teddy bear isn’t considered a penalty. Unless it’s Peters standing like a wobbly teddy bear, which is generously called “fighting.” (It turns out it’s Yo-Yo in the box. For roughing. Grawr!)
9:09 Another smart Hecht centering pass is mucked up by Paille getting pushed into the net and dislodging it. Roby thinks there should be a penalty here, and there is. He suggests it should be for “intentional knocking into the net,” which apparently translates into actual hockey terms as “hooking.” (And yet, I still would rather Neale not come back.)
7:51 Briere scores shorthanded with a delayed penalty call on the Sabres, and the goalhorn promptly boos him. Oh, that’s just the way the goalhorn sounds? Whatever, Philly.
6:46 STUPID FLYERS! They score another shorthanded goal while Pommers gets caught standing at the point, and then catches up to his man only to send his from-his-knees clearing pass right to the stick of a trailing Flyer. Miller gets caught way out of position with no real chance on the shot. A little bad luck, but more bad play on that one. Blech!
5:38 Pommers gets man-boyhandled in front of the net by no less than three Flyers after Roy completely effs up scoring on a wide open net. Poor Pommers is getting shaken back and forth, with his head flopping all over the place, before the whistle finally goes. Don’t these guys know that shaken puppy syndrome is a serious problem? There end up being two Flyer penalties on the play, and one for Roy as well. Me: “Roy? For what?” Meghan: “For crying.”
5:01 Wow, the Paradise Penalty Boxes are sure getting their full use tonight! Goose draws a penalty for roughing by sticking it out in front of the net, and Biron tries to even out the minors by getting all up in Goose’s face. Meghan and I guess that Goose just quietly whispered “Ray Emery,” and skated away.
4:32 HELLZ YEAH!!!! Spacek scores on a blasting shot from the point (Hey! It’s Jaro’s bread and butter!), and our living room erupts in two-handed high fives for everyone. Dad says, of our favorite trick for making sure you always connect on your high fives: “This doesn’t work! How can you look at two elbows at once?” Dan: “Ryan Miller could tell you.” Have I mentioned how much I love watching hockey with my family?
2:38 Briere and Upshall collide at the blueline, for some unknown reason. Mom: “How funny would it be if Briere got injured by his own teammate?” Me: “Am I the only one who thinks of upchuck every time they say Upshall? I don’t think upchuck can hurt anyone, it can just make you sick to your stomach.” Unfortunately, the Flyers do both, don’t they?
1:15 Ugh. The Sabres are going to have to close out this period on a 5-on-3 penalty kill as Gaustad gets called for getting his stick stuck in some Flyer’s legs, which in this world apparently counts as a hold, even though the guy wasn’t impeded in the least. Spacek, already in the box for hooking, gets reprimanded for something as the ref brings Goose to join him. Poor Jaro. He can’t help that everything he says comes out sounding extremely pissed off. (Or maybe he was misbehaving in the Paradise Penalty Box? Oooo, saucy!)
0:25 Double Ugh. Miller sinks facedown to the ice after he lets in a shot from the side of the net, but he didn’t even have a chance on that shot, as the cross-ice pass was a perfect set-up.
0:00 Maybe it was the diary writing, or the fact that my family was in rare form, but this period seemed to take about ten million years. In a good way. I am not at all pleased with the way the Sabres frittered away two leads in the past twenty minutes, but it’s been entertaining as hell to watch. Still, if they can’t manage to put this game away, I expect to be very cranky tonight.

Second Intermission

In talking about how the Sabres managed to give up that 3-1 lead Roby appears to be recovering from a fit of the giggles. Maybe he just got done interviewing Spacek again. (They weren’t just in the PPB together, were they? ACK! MY EYES!) In any case he seems to be having a blast calling this game with RJ, and I can’t blame him. My perspective is a little skewed and distanced what with writing the game diary, but this game has been exceptionally exciting so far. Now we just need to pull out the win. Kevin informs us that the last time the Sabres gave up two shorthanded goals was a 6-5 win over Flyers in Philly two years ago. Oh great, now I’m sure we’re going to lose.

Third Period

18:00 The Sabres successfully killed off the remainder of the penalty to start the period, but you wouldn’t know it from the way they remain trapped in their own end for the first full two minutes.
16:24 Miller snares a quick shot from the slot from Carter with a quick flash of his glove. It seems someone forgot to inform the Sabres during the intermission that they were in the midst of playing an exciting hockey game, because now they’ve forgotten all about it.
16:13 Sesame Street Ryan high-sticks Briere in the face along the boards. I wonder who on the bench dared him to do that, and how awkward Ryan felt acting on the dare. “Uh, Mr. Briere… I know I don’t know you, but Goose says I should shove my stick in your face. So, um, there! Okay, bye!”
16:09 Right after my dad declares now would be a good time for a shorthanded goal, the Flyers score. We all yell at Dad to keep his mouth shut next time. Also, Miller was seriously screened on this shot, so apparently his Mad Eye isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
15:23 Vanek gets taken down heading to the net and the non-call translates to a great Flyer chance going the other way. These refs have been such a joy for this home-and-home, haven’t they?
14:31 Paille draws an interference penalty, which prompts Meghan to give me insight into her pronunciation guide. She used to always want to say it “Pail-ee,” until she taught herself the trick of remembering “Pie. Yay!”
12:31 That power play was a gross disappointment. There was no pie, and definitely no yay.
11:35 Getting a little distracted from the game, we all discuss the hilarious prospect of seeing a grown man in a Pominville sweater. Mom tosses around the idea of bringing a sign to a game that says “Pommers, you should meet my daughter,” and then adds: “Or son?” This starts a landslide of suggestions. Dan: “Or cat.” Meghan: “Or empty flower pot.” Me: “Or fire hydrant.” Mom: “Or rawhide bone.”
11:27 No! StaffyNation takes a blow as we learn he’s been taken off the bench by an “upper body injury.” I just hope nothing serious has happened to his eyebrow!
9:30 Roy gets hammered from behind, and you know what that means! The Flyers have a chance to get their third shorthanded goal!
8:54 As Biron stonewalls Kotalik’s diving shot from the right circle, Meghan tells us all that she would leave Miller if Sid Crosby ever came to play for Buffalo. I really wish she’d waited to share this information until after the game. I can practically feel Miller’s psyche and paradigm crumbling as we speak.
7:33 Roy comes in on a semi-break and as his shot trickles through Biron and JUST wide of the net with no one there to tap it in, Meghan and I let out a primal scream that can surely be heard all the way in Philly. But our sound waves do nothing to alter the course of the puck’s journey and there is no goal. Also, there is no God.
5:34 Campbell almost wipes out while circling back to regroup in his own zone, and Meghan’s convinced he slipped on a sequin: “It was one of Roy’s. That nine on the back of his jersey? It’s just Bedazzled on.” We decide he and Pommers totally have Bedazzling slumber parties, and are currently working on Bedazzled Christmas gifts for all the guys. I think this game has broken our brains.
5:25 Just what we need! Mair gets called for interference and roughing, and will be sitting in the box for the next four minutes. Shockingly, the Flyer box is empty. That looked like some pretty mutual roughing to me!
3:14 Goose does his best to make the wishes for a shorthanded goal come true, but ultimately Paille is stymied on his centering pass attempt.
1:43 Ryan falls fabulously to the ice, once again, and Meghan and I are sure he’s getting an extra-special Bedazzled synchronized diver’s suit for Christmas.
0:54 THIS GAME IS TOO INTENSE!!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT!!! GAME DIARIZING WILL GIVE ME MULTIPLE HEART ATTACKS!!!!
0:07 HOLY SHIT!!! YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO!!!!! IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!! YO-YO SHOT IT AT A TINY SLIVER OF OPEN NET ON THE SHORT SIDE AND ACTUALLY SCORED!!! HE DIDN’T HIT THE POST OR THE GOALIE OR ANYTHING!!!!! I’M DYING FROM EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!! (ETA: Apparently Vanek, noted Baby Killer of old, is going to take the credit for this goal, since he technically deflected it before it crossed the line, but after extensive review, I’ve decided that the puck was going in regardless so my over-excitement still stands.)
0:00 The Flyers gave me a scare in the last second, but Lydman is a killer shot-blocker, so oooooooooooovertime it is!

Overtime

5:00 Seriously, my hands are shaking. I don’t know if I can deal with this.
4:16 Biron has to look sharp for the second time tonight on a shot from Tallinder, and unfortunately he does. The Sabres look like they really want to win.
3:52 Lydman finds himself with a glorious chance all alone in front of the net, but at the last second he remembers he’s a defenseman and effs it up. The puck deflects off of Biron and flies harmlessly into the corner.
3:10 Kalinin takes a hooking penalty trying to defend a Flyer breakaway, and Dan and I spend almost the entire penalty arguing about how useful/less he is. It never ceases to amaze me how much people can ignore Tri, right up until the second he does something wrong. I stick by my assessment that he’s a good player, even in the face of Dan’s flawless logic: “He’s even worse than Numminen, and he’s, like, dead!”
1:40 Miller poke-checks away a probable goal by a skating-in Briere, but takes himself completely out of the play in doing so. He gives the Flyers a yawning chasm of a net to score on, but they just… miss. I don’t know which stone hands shot that, but I want to kiss them right now.
1:10 Miller was nothing short of spectacular on that entire penalty kill.
0:54 Uh-oh, I spoke too soon and Yo-Yo heard me. Flush with his last-minute success in regulation, he nervously coughs up the puck inside the Flyer line, and then busts his ass so hard to get back that he bowls right over the Flyer he’s pursuing and gets called for holding.
0:00 Phew, Yo-Yo escapes being the savior and the goat. SHOOTOUT. I DON’T THINK I CAN TAKE THIS!

Shootout

This being the first Sabres shootoutout of the season, we try to figure out who the shooters will be. We think Kotalik and Vanek are definites, but the third is unknown. Roy? Afinogenov? Mom: “Hecht.” Me: “No! Anyone but Hecht! He’ll just shoot it at Biron’s chest, or hit the post, and it’ll be so embarrassing!” Dan: “Okay. Peters, Ryan, Kevin Sylvester.”

Miller really wants to prove that his reputation for being good in the shootout still stands, and stays patient as Richards tries to fool him. It works.

Ditto for Super Freak and his reputation. He goes for something different than he normally did last year, and I can barely see his wrister as it rockets into the net.

Briere psychs himself out and completely whiffs on his shot. I imagine Miller will be playing that moment over in his head as he falls asleep tonight.

Max (for it is he sandwiched between Kotalik and Vanek) takes the Hecht approach and shoots right into Marty’s pads.

Carter completely loses control of the puck before he even has a chance to do anything with it, but Miller tries his hardest to make it look like he had something to do with stymieing his attempt as he twists and writhes on the ice. In any case the shootout’s over and the game is ours! Words really can’t express how lovable, wriggly, and adorable the Sabres all look as they pile into each other to celebrate, laughing and noogieing each other’s helmets. What a perfect end to this game!

So that was fun! Both the game, and the writing of the game diary were pretty awesome and exciting, though neither was perfect, and neither was something I’d want to repeat on a nightly basis. There ended up being far less hockey content, and far more crazy-Gambler-family content here than I anticipated, but I think that’s all right. I hope you all enjoyed it!

12 to Remember: Buffalo @ Toronto 2/27/07

Whoa, Kevin’s sweaters are switching it up tonight, all crowding over to one side of the screen. I think it’s because they’re so excited to see me again. Aw! I missed you guys, too!

Kevin launches into the epic tale of how everyone and their grandmother was either injured or traded or absent or brain-scrambled for this game, so the Sabres had to make about a million call-ups from Rochester, and were still a man short. He tells us the cover-up lie about Briere leaving after warm up with the flu, but I’m going to agree with Heather and say Danny most definitely left because he was heartbroken about the absence of his beloved roommate, Marty Biron. To illustrate just how screwed up the roster was, the intro graphic features Clarke MacArthur front and center, with Pat Kaleta right behind him. Also featured is Jochen Hecht, looking damn fine with that A on his chest.

First Period

18:25 There’s some sort of strange tag-team move where Soupy takes Battaglia down behind the net, and Mair piles on top of him for good measure. Despite the blatant pushing, shoving, and squashing, Campbell goes to the box for hooking.

16:47 Pommer and Roy head in shorthanded, and Derek, as is his nature, ends up sitting on the ice. He still makes a pretty good pass through the crease, though. Hey, I guess if you’re going to fall down (or get taken down) as much as he does, you should at least know what you’re doing once you’re down there. By the way, aside from this moment this penalty kill has been brought to you by suck. (Actually it’s been brought to you by Napa Auto Parts, so don’t ever buy anything from there. It probably sucks.)

16:23 Just as that penalty expires, Vanek goes after Colaiacovo like he’s a particularly delicious baby he wants to kill. Here comes some more Napa-sponsored suck!

15:22 RJ gets inordinately excited about a shorthanded two-on-one that comes to naught when Pommer can’t get it to Tallinder. It takes me a second to get over my shock at the fact that so many Sabres are injured and Hank isn't one of them. This is a joyous occasion.

14:24 Miller, falling, just manages to get his glove up in time to block a shot from Steen in the last second of the penalty. Okay, this penalty kill was a considerable improvement (Miller wasn’t doing ALL the work), but can we please get some shots now?

13:33 After Peters and Gill get shovey along the boards, the players form what looks like a hug train in order to spread calm and peace and the message of love. Aw.

12:46 Lydman saves Millers ass as he blocks a point-blank shot from Sundin in front of a wide-open net. And everyone thought it was only Drury who did that! (Seriously, guys, can we take a shot on net please? At this point I’m not entirely sure Raycroft is down there, that’s how little I’ve seen of him.)

12:17 Vanek obliges, taking a drop pass from MacArthur and getting a nice shot from just outside the circle. He continues to work for the puck in front of the net, and gets a couple more chances before drawing a penalty. It’s after plays like that that I feel really confident about that humongo contract.

10:22 Stafford goes to the box for getting punched in the head. Or as they call it in Toronto, “interference.” Seriously, it’s a ridiculous call, but that Buffalo power play was clearly going nowhere, so I’m not going to get too upset about it.

9:19 This time it’s Tallinder who takes excellent care of his out-of-position goaltender by intercepting a pass at the side of the net. Okay, Buffalo, I get it. You’re playing good defense. Can we please try some offense now?

7:37 It’s so quiet in the ACC that you can hear one, lone guy yelling “Go Leafs Go.” Gotta love those passionate Canadian home crowds.

6:20 Lydman gets a good shot from between the circles (it seems the defense has to do everything around here), and Roy manages to connect on the rebound, despite being airmailed to the ice by some Leaf. RJ informs us that Lindy is “about to have kittens” about the non-call. Hmm, what sort of shower gift does one buy for an NHL coach expecting kittens?

5:53 Well, I don’t know what I’d get him, but Pominville apparently got him a goal! MacArthur nearly scores on a neat backhand, and Pommer is there to bang in the rebound. Perhaps aware of how enraged and murderous Thomas Vanek gets about new births in Pominville, RJ refrains from announcing that the population has increased.

5:05 Pommer, all excited and wriggly over his recent success, tries to clear the puck in front, but ends up both fanning and falling. Aw, Lindy, who needs kittens when you’ve got this?

3:13 After a great shift by his line on the power play (I know!), Staffy tries to muscle the puck out from under McCabe, who is down on the ice, but ends up getting the entire Leafs team on his back instead. Roy tries to pull some of them off, but of course, since he barely comes up to their shoulders, it’s pretty ineffective.

2:35 You know, I was just wondering where Hecht was in this game! He fancy-skates himself over the line and through some defenders to shoot from the slot. It deflects wide, but that was still a pretty neat play. Alternate captain Yo-Yo is in the house!

0:00 Well, period one has been somewhat underwhelming. I suppose I can cut them some slack, though, what with the absences and the short bench and whatnot. Plus, my from-the-future powers tell me there’s much more to come.

Second Period

20:00 Jim starts off the period by talking about Marty and what a sad atmosphere his departure created with the team. I think this is the part where Briere, watching the game from his hotel room, picks up the phone and leaves his 403^rd voicemail comprised entirely of unintelligible sobbing. (And yes, I am making jokes to avoid having to relive the pain of losing Marty. What of it? At least I’m not soothing my heartache by whoring myself out to Philly. Unlike someone I know.)

18:59 Miller leaves his net. Disaster ensues. The only thing surprising about that situation is that Hank was the one who lost the puck, which is what forced Miller to have to dive across his crease like he was sliding into home. Okay, unusually sloppy for Hank, but still: What the hell were you doing all the way over in the corner, Ryan?

18:38 Roy is completely mugged, once again with no call. RJ doesn’t mention it, but I can only imagine that over on the Buffalo bench, the kittens are flowing like wine.

17:21 Someone taps the puck back to the point off of the faceoff, and RJ tells us it is “Vanek or Peters.” Wow. God knows I’m terrible at reading numbers, and that wasn’t exactly a play that required much skill, so I’m not trying to make fun of RJ’s commentating, here. I just think I would be remiss in my duties as a recapper if I let the one moment in all of history when Peters was mistaken for Vanek pass by without proper documentation.

15:50 Hecht makes a gorgeous pass through the goal crease, but Ryan can’t connect on it. I suspect it’s because he had to take that extra second to check and make sure it was Toronto's net he was shooting on this time. It’s okay, Mike. Take your time.

15:43 Hank gets credit for “flattening” Ponikarovsky, when all he really did was sort of lean on him until they both collapsed. It’s like someone was trying to build a house of cards using hockey players, but couldn’t get the first two to stand up properly. It’s… weird.

15:05 Stafford sticks with the puck through some pretty crazy twists and turns, and scores on a wraparound. The replay shows Yo-Yo, past the end of his shift, made the breakout pass here, albeit a really horrible one. It looks like it’s flying at an altitude of about Staffy’s knees, but he just waves his stick over it like some sort of Puck Whisperer and it immediately calms down to do his bidding. Jim and RJ start freaking out about how much they can’t wait for Drew to be a for-rizzle Sabre next season. You and me both, boys.

12:42 After collecting a shot and sending it up ice, Paetsch is run over by Belak outside the range of the camera. According to RJ, Mair then steps up to lay a little revenge on Belak. MSG, why am I not seeing this? (Instead, I get to see Kaleta completely flip a guy over in the corner, which, admittedly, is cool.)

12:22 As we head to commercial, Mair is chomping his mouth guard on the bench, and it turns out my eyes (and Google video’s pixels) weren’t deceiving me last game: He most definitely has a black eye. And it is wicked. (Reports of eyeliner are, as of yet, unconfirmed.)

11:12 The shot tally tells me that the Sabres only have two shots in this period, while the Leafs have nine. I feel like I’m being lied to.

11:00 After Sundin blocks one of his own team’s shots, Vanek roars in on a breakaway, only to shoot it wide of the net. And I wonder why the shot count seems so low.

8:46 The Leafs spend the better part of two minutes in the Buffalo zone, but don’t manage to get a single shot, or even do anything which requires RJ to say more than “So-and-so has it along the boards/at he blue line/behind the net.” Judging by the way the fans choose this moment to start cheering “Go Leafs Go” with real vigor, I think we’ve finally found the target fanbase for the Buffalo-style power play.

8:01 Roy chops in the rebound from a shot by Kalinin. In celebration, MSG shows all three Buffalo fans in the building, and, guys, one of them is wearing a fanny pack. Now, I feel like wearing a fanny pack into any hockey arena is asking for trouble, but into a visiting arena? Into the ACC? As a Sabres fan? I don’t even have a punchline for how dumb I think that is.

6:27 Gill steps into Ryan at the blue line. Hey, don’t bite the hand that feeds you, Toronto! (By the way, Tim Connolly, see how keeping your head up means you don’t get a concussion?)

4:33 Patches looks all kinds of clueless as he stands uselessly in front of the net while Toronto gets a couple of good chances. Finally he blocks a shot, seemingly by accident, and then instead of clearing the puck passes it to Peters. I mean on the one hand, Nathan doesn’t seem to be making a great case for cracking the top six, here, but on the other hand, maybe he just thought Peters was Vanek.

4:12 Sure, of all the players who could have scored, it had to be Ponikarovsky. Listen, Ponikarovsky, your name is fun to say, but way to intense to type. Don’t you have a snappy nickname or something I can use instead? How do you feel about Ponk? (By the way, the last three minutes of play wouldn’t have looked any different if the entire Toronto half of the ice had broken off and fallen into the Lake Ontario.)

1:33 Hey, look! The Sabres discover that not only is there more ice down there, there’s another net, too. And they can score on it! After some really neat, precise passing by Hecht’s line (hey, I like the sound of that!), Lydman lets a wrister go from the point, and Hecht, replay shows, deflects it in. The cute part is when Yo-Yo realizes he’s scored and begins to celebrate only to turn around and see everyone congratulating Toni instead. It’s like they’ve never heard of anything as preposterous as Hecht scoring a goal before. In the post-goal huddle, Toni and Yo-Yo engage in adorable “Did I score that, or did you?” antics, and even though Yo-Yo clearly knows the truth, he lets Toni go partake in the bench fist-bump anyway. Aw, how gentlemanly of him.

Third Period

20:00 Jim goes over the list of injured Leafs, and mentions that Darcy Tucker (Hey, he’s out! I was wondering why my eyes hadn’t felt like vomiting yet!) just signed a brand-new extension. Mike Peca, on the other hand, has let the media know how much it has always been his dream to play in Toronto in the year 2008, but only if they get him his extension by the end of the week. And he really means it this time. Not like last week.

18:13 Stafford, who according to RJ really wants to get to the bench, takes his sweet time skating over there, and all but attaches neon lights to his head reading “Pass me the puck, Patches!” Patches for his part does such a good job of ignoring him that he almost collides with him.

17:50 Kaleta flattens McCabe at the red line, and the crowd inexplicably erupts into cheers. I would say they’re yelling for some sort of penalty, but considering they were just booing McCabe a few seconds ago, it seems more likely that the Sabres’ strategy of wearing their home blue sweaters has tricked them into thinking they’re Buffalo fans. Score one for us!

15:54 Soupy knocks Stajan down in front of the net, and if there’s any sign of appreciation or outrage from the fans, it’s at catipillar-wearing-slippers-on-shag-carpet levels of audibility. Now it’s like the Sabres’ strategy of wearing their home blue sweaters has made the crowd forget that they were hockey fans in the first place. (The Slug has been known to have that effect.)

15:31 Vanek has his legs taken out from under him in the crease, as he’s about to score on a wide open net no less, and the ref takes a second to make sure that 26 isn’t a 9 before blowing his whistle.

14:37 Apparently Aubin has never heard of anything as preposterous as Hecht scoring a goal either, as he just assumes Yo-Yo is going to pass instead of shoot and leaves the entire short side of the net wide open. This time Hecht fires it in clean and gets the celebration huddle all to himself. By the way, Patches made a fantastic assist pass from the blue line, here.

14:30 RJ reminds us yet again that Briere is out with the flu, and that Hecht is filling in for him at center. Considering all of long-distance phone calls to Philadelphia Danny’s no doubt made by this point in the game, I think it’s more accurate to say he’s out with the Phlu.

12:40 Roy powers in on a breakaway, only to have the puck checked away from behind by Gill at the last second. I’d like to point out that Derek seems to trip a little on Gill’s stick, here, but resists taking a dive. It’s a small victory but I’ll take it.

12:24 And of course, Jim says Roy probably should have gone down and tried to draw a penalty. Stop confusing him!

10:00 Roy pulls some positively Afinogenov-esque moves as he steals the puck, spins, falls to his knees, gets up, loses control, spins again and passes to Vanek right in the goal mouth. Holy cow, that was awesome! But apparently not awesome enough for Vanek to score off of, as Aubin just manages to cover up.

9:52 Dude. Ty Conklin is hot.

9:13 The puck takes a crazy bounce up onto the top of the Sabres net, narrowly missing the open corner. Some Leaf seems to think it’s a good idea to attempt poking the puck off with his stick, before the ref reaches in and grabs it, explaining that God gave humans hands for a reason, and that reason is so that we don’t look like idiots trying to do everything with a hockey stick.

7:52 Staffy does a neat drag through a defender, but his backhand attempt is turned away. Still, it’s so impressive that the crowd thinks they’re Buffalo fans again and give him an appreciative “oooooOOOOOooooooh!”

6:40 Hecht’s line (which entails Pommer and Ryan) just did a fantastic job of working the zone in the past minute or so. Yo-Yo in particular had great puck possession and even set up one or two chances for his wingers. I think being a center with a letter suits him perfectly. (Hint, hint, wink, wink, Lindy.)

6:10 MacArthur takes a great pass from Mair, maneuvers past the out-of-play Aubin, and shovels the puck into the open net for his third point of the night. Man, I kind of wish the General could wear that Slug season-long. (And not just because I want an excuse to call him “the General” more often.)

4:15 RJ wants us to know that he’s not making it up when he says that Green passes to White. In a league where European names are butchered and giggled at on a regular basis, leave it to RJ to point out that, hey, white-bread names can sound ridiculous, too!

2:55 MacArthur draws two penalties in an interval of 20 seconds. It seems the General possesses both an enticingly elbowable head and irresistibly trippable ankles. He is a clear asset. (Also, is it just me, or have these teams been incredibly well-behaved tonight? The last penalty seems like it was about four months ago.)

1:00 Listen, Leafs, I know there’s only one minute left in the game, but I’m from the future, and I promise you: If you can just take this game to overtime you will make it to the playoffs. So get going on those five goals! Heh heh heh.

0:00 The game ends in the most anti-climactic of fashions, with the home fans booing robustly, and a pointless face-off after Aubin freezes the puck with just 5 seconds left. But at least it wasn’t a shootout! (And by the way, Leafs, in case you forgot, a shootout would have meant playoffs. Just saying.)

Okay, folks, I think that just about does it for me with these game diaries. I fully intended to go ahead and recap the next game, but I’m pretty burnt out. Especially since the next Game to Remember is against the Leafs again. I mean, there’s only so many times you can make the same “Hey, if only you managed not to surrender that substantial lead in the third period, you’d have been in the playoffs!” joke before it starts getting old. (For you, not for me. I could make those jokes all day long.) Also, real live hockey will be starting up in just over two weeks (!!!), and it will certainly take me longer than that to finish a game diary. I don’t want to live in the past. Anyway, I hope you all have enjoyed reading these as much as I’ve enjoyed writing them. They certainly did help this interminable summer pass.

12 to Remember: Buffalo vs. Ottawa 2/22/07

Alright, Google video is fired up and ready to go, so let’s just jump right in!

This is weird. I miss Kevin.

First Period
20:00 Marty! MartyMartyMartyMarty! Who knew the sight of a blank white facemask could ever cause me this much joy?
19:19 A Lydman shot from the point (that was set up perfectly by Staffy [!]) bounces off Emery like his equipment is made of springs. Oh yes, recapping Emery’s goaltending “style” is going to be quite fun. Until he gets punched in the face, that is.
18:51 Briere blindly drops a pass behind the net, directly onto the stick of Spezza, who then gets a free wraparound attempt. Listen, Danny, I love that move! How’s about you call it “The Flyer Special,” huh? (Poor Marty says, “No, thanks,” as he makes the save.)
18:03 A Hecht shot deflects out of play, and Jim seems a little confused about how he didn’t score when Emery left the high, short side open. Jim, Jim, Jim. What are you, new? He didn’t score because he’s Yo-Yo. He doesn’t shoot at open spaces! That’s what goalies are for. (Replay shows that the shot actually hit the post, but I’m still skeptical. There had to have been a Senators logo somewhere on that post.)
17:40 The crowd roars, and Jim informs us it’s because Western New York native Pat Kaleta has just taken the ice for his first shift in the NHL. Now, I know I should probably be totally sick of him and his story line because of how many times it was shoved down my throat, but I can’t help it: I’m a sucker for the local boys. Every fan wants players who always dreamt about playing on their team, and let’s face it: growing up in Buffalo is the only reason any kid genuinely says “I’m going to be a Sabre someday!” (I really love the Sabres’ recent habit of drafting at least one local a year—at least until this year when South Buffalo prodigy Pat Kane proved out of reach. I love that when Darcy casually asked about what it would take to get that first draft pick, the Chicago GM apparently replied with something like “I would need a left wing, proven scorer in his early twenties to let that go.” Dude, how hard is it to just say “Thomas Vanek”? Or "the Austrian"?) Hey, is there still a game going on? Sweet!
16:15 I should also probably be sick of the whole “Lindy had to tell Kaleta to tone down the hitting at training camp so no one got hurt” story, too, but I’m not. What a spitfire, I love it!
15:55 Hank reminds me that there’s actually hockey happening as he masterfully intercepts a pass from Fisher behind the net. Whew, that was sexy! I promise I’ll pay more attention from now on.
15:20 Chris Neil gets an overly-long close-up for no good reason. Because no good reason exists.
14:27 The Sens touch up on an icing, and as Mair skates to the face-off circle, it looks like he either has a black eye or is wearing eyeliner. I’m almost ashamed to admit I find both options equally hot. Turns out it was just a trick of the light, but too late. The bruised/made-up Mair fantasies are already in my brain to stay. (By the way, it feels like no one’s taken a shot on net in about ten hours.)
13:54 Rob Ray informs us after commercial that the Town of Evans has declared (or presented a “doclumation,” whatever that is) that February 22, 2007 is “Pat Kaleta Day.” I’ll be sure to celebrate that the next time February 22, 2007 rolls around.
13:00 Kaleta and Corvo get slap-happy in the corner (Kaleta actually managed to knock himself off his feet with the force of his own check, leaving Corvo standing over him going “What the hell?”) before Peters comes in and puts an end to the nonsense by dropping a check on both of them at once. So fair and pragmatic, that Peters.
12:37 MacArthur goes to the box for hooking, and Jim tries to soothe the viewers’ worries by pointing out that the Ottawa power play is almost as bad as ours. Of course, he does it very subtly and statbitty, but the message comes in loud and clear.
12:15 Alfredsson falls down while holding the puck, and Drury still only just manages to keep him from getting past him and into the zone. Dude, Drury sucks. Someone should really hit him in the head or something. (By the way, I heard that’s the new Ranger Special.)
10:37 What do you know? That power play was almost as bad as one of ours.
10:19 Hank slaloms gracefully up the ice and creates some Afinogenov-esque chaos, leaving defenders scrambling and confused. But of course he doesn’t look anything like Max.; it somehow seems like his feet aren’t even moving. He takes a shot just inside the blue line, and Volchenkov saves Emery from giving up the rebound and does it for him, right up into the mesh.
10:00 Patches looks incredulous as he heads to the box for hooking Comrie, but in the replay it really couldn’t have been more blatant. Mair gets a little shovey with Comrie and Kelly after the whistle, and they wisely skate away from him. Chillax for now, Adam. You’ll get to punch something later, I promise.
8:59 Marty makes the initial save on a Phillips shot from the point, but leaves the net wide open for Alfredsson to bang in the rebound, which he does. Just as I was getting ready to write, “Boy, this looks like a competition to see who can have the more useless special teams,” too. (Buffalo, you win!)
7:07 We spend forever and a day trying to gain the zone, but end up giving a goal to Heatley instead. Maybe it’s just the blank mask, but Marty looks more chagrined and angry than he should. Don’t worry, Marty, it was an unscreened shot from the point. Ryan wouldn't have stopped it, either.
6:37 Hecht tries to look fancy carrying the puck, and almost falls down. Cute! He manages to get a shot away, though, and Emery appears to actually have some trouble with it. Ray, if you can’t handle a shot that was aimed directly at you, there’s no hope. As we head to commercial, a close-up shows Yo-Yo sporting a neon green mouth guard, and I am awash with love. He bought that to match his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lunchbox, I just know it.
4:20 Staffy guns a shot way wide of the net, but that doesn’t keep Emery from striking his best “I’m making a save! …Right?” pose.
3:17 Roy passes out in front to Vanek, who has a perfect backhand opportunity, but opts instead to retreat behind the net and wait for the earliest occasion to give the puck away. If he thinks he’ll be able to get away with things like that next season, he clearly hasn’t been in Buffalo long enough. Poor guy.
2:17 Mike Ryan gets no less than three second-chances as he tries to bang the puck in short-side, the last of which ends up right on Drury’s stick and then soars into the net. And the whole time, Emery just sits there like some immovable brick wall incapable of covering up. What do you think your glove is for, Ray?
1:57 WHAT?! Did I just hear that correctly? Did Jim just say the Sabres have scored six power play goals in the last two games? Surely not! (That’s the Patches touch for you!) Well, they have a chance to prove they can do it here and now, as Corvo gets called for… I really have no idea, based on the replay. Is falling down a penalty?
0:25 Vanek makes up for that missed backhand incident earlier by fighting hard for the puck along the boards and working it out in front for a scoring chance. It’s pure muscle, but Emery grabs the shot and hangs on. (Oh, he’s finally realized he can do that, huh?)

Second Period
20:00 Before I get any further into this, I have to discuss these unsavory working conditions. The video quality is the typically grainy Google Video Special, which is so pixilated it’s sometimes hard to tell the difference between the puck and a helmet. But the sound is even more curious. Either every single player has a mic on his skates, or Google hired a team of Foley artists who really, really love the “sharpening knife” sound effect, because everything RJ and Jim say is only barely audible over the sound of the guys skating. Why must my TiFaux hate me?
19:40 Staffy works some magic to lose a defender in the corner and skates in on goal, only to have Ryan lumber right into his path and basically steal the puck away from him. What the hell happened there? I think Mike Ryan is a spy.
18:50 Jim starts talking about something Darcy said in a press conference earlier, and we get a shot of the GM up wherever he spends games, looking studious in front of a TV monitor and wearing some serious-looking glasses. And then something magical happens. He reaches somewhere off screen, produces what is unmistakably an orange dreamsicle, and takes a huge bite out of it. An orange dreamsicle! Excuse me while I laugh for entirely too long over this visual.
18:09 Yo-Yo, obviously not wanting to be outdone by Darcy’s dreamsicle antics, loses his footing when he's all alone and way away from the play, and basically has to piggy-back the ref in order to stay on his skates. I die laughing all over again.
16:50 Pommer appears to score from the point, and there’s great celebration as RJ breaks out the “Population of Pominville” call, and the guy manning the sign in the building bumps it up to the appropriate number. And then the unthinkable happens. Replay shows that it was actually Vanek who deflected the puck into the net, and no one seems upset about it. Guys, Vanek just killed a citizen of Pominville. A baby! Right before your eyes!
16:09 Vanek collects a loose puck at the blue line, splits the D, and scores the easiest-looking goal ever. Way to go, Baby Killer.
14:55 Drury’s just been laid out by Neil, and this game as everyone remembers it is really underway now. Slag-faced whore or no, I still feel sick and angry (and a little bit proud) watching as Drury tries to struggle to his feet while bleeding from the head. But I now love Staffy double for immediately grabbing a hold of Neil and trying his damndest not to get his ass kicked. He seems so passionate, and warrior-like, and (dare I say it?) captainly. Hmmm… somewhat familiar.
--Lindy, with his snarling bulldog face on, “informs” the ref that he believes there was an elbow involved. Next to him, Vanek is either vehemently agreeing, or practicing his Pronger elbow move in preparation for more baby killing later.
--The camera zooms in on Briere for some captainly reassurance, and he looks nothing short of terrified. What, you expected him to be outraged, MSG? He’s just glad it wasn’t him!
14:47 The guard dogs are off their leashes! Kaleta tangles with Heatley before the puck is dropped, and Mair ignores the face-off to go after Spezza. Peters skates around, desperately looking for someone to fight, but is disappointed when Heatley doesn’t respond to having his face grabbed from behind. Meanwhile, Mair has no less than three Sens on him. My favorite part of this sequence is still when Hank and Heatley skate by, looking like they’re embracing while trying to look tough. (I just want to say that, for all the shit Lindy got for this move and how much money it cost him, I still think Murray is a grade-A idiot for sending out a skill line after a hit like that. I mean, even people in Bangladesh were sniffing the air and saying, “Somewhere, Lindy Ruff is really, really pissed off. Somewhere, someone is going to get punched in the face because of it. Somewhere, that someone should not be a skill player.”)
--Marty decides to leave his crease and show Staffy how to get one’s ass kicked good and proper. Bless his heart.
--Peters is still trying to get someone to fight him, and Spezza dives for cover in a referee’s armpit. This game is just a comedy-fest!
--Ray Emery, you are such a sucky goalie. Look, just look at those rebounds your face is giving up to Peters’ fist! (Heh heh heh) (Oh, and NBC, I wasn’t aware that standing idly by while your goalie gets pummeled by a skater was a sign of team solidarity. How enlightening.)
--Lindy and Murray, uh, “have some words” and between them, Rob Ray visibly wants to punch something. The camera guy next to him is really glad to be wearing a helmet.
--The refs convene and decide it would be easier to just expand the penalty boxes to fit every player from both teams than sort out all these infractions.
--I was going to skip over this whole “waiting millennia for penalties to be announced” nonsense, since I’m more than certain that it was cut from the MSG Game to Remember airing, but after seeing the slow-motion replay of Mair fighting I’m so glad I didn’t. It’s quite possibly the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen on ice. With Comrie clinging uselessly to his left arm, Adam manages to hold on to a desperately-retreating Spezza and punch him three times square in the face. It’s only when Volchenkov comes in, tosses Comrie aside, and jumps on Mair’s back that he gets hauled down. Hott. (And it looks like Lydman grabs onto the discarded Comrie near the end of the clip. Dude. I wouldn’t want to mess with Thrash Metal Toni.)
--The list of penalties sounds like the roll call of ships in the Iliad. Only longer.
14:16 Hey, look! There’s still hockey going on! Maybe. After Miller stones Comrie’s point-blank shot, Lydman looks decidedly elsewhere as he “accidentally” dumps the Little Bitch with his stick. I told you, don’t mess with Thrash Metal Toni. (The refs know what I’m saying, and turn a blind eye to the shenanigans.)
12:46 One big save and a couple of key shot-blocks later, the Sens have effectively sucked their way through that 5-on-3. Of course, because the Sabres are such big mean bully punks, they still have two minutes of power play time left.
11:51 The Ottawa power play is only effective at lulling everyone into an unsuspecting coma of boredom, which allows Heatley to score when no one’s looking. Jim says what I’m thinking: still totally worth it.
9:52 Rob Ray tries to tell us that the Sabres are a special team because they fight. Um, I have no idea how to respond to that. (Okay, okay. So his real point is that non-fighter types [he cites Lydman, Yo-Yo, and Soupy] have been fighting recently, but still. He makes it sound like we invented fighting. The clips that are being shown, however, make it look like we invented sucking at fighting.)
5:22 Fisher and Roy get matching minors; Fisher for something involving pushing, and Roy for something involving being a mouthy hot-head. On the bench, Lindy seems unaware of Derek’s penalty, and is looking around, all, “Now, where’d my tiny little ball of fury get to?”
1:37 Just when I think someone (probably me) will die if I write one more word about this period, MacArthur scores his first NHL goal. He’s expectedly adorable, jumping into the boards and all that jazz. What’s unexpectedly adorable is how Vanek seems just as excited, giving the General a huge hug and a noogie through his helmet. And he spares some love for Kaleta, too, who got an assist on the play. Please, please don’t change him, $10 million, because I love this Thomas.

Third Period
19:18 Gerber soaks up a Briere shot, and Jim deems him “shaky.” Jim, if not giving up 40-foot rebounds makes one shaky, what does that make Emery? Tremorous? Chihuahua-esque? The goaltender equivalent of those wind-up chattering teeth?
17:33 Roy’s in the box again! After he paws Heatley to the ice (which Jim generously calls “finishing his check”), Spezza goes after him. Just when I think we may be seeing some of this Ottawa “uniting as a team” business that this game is supposed to be chock full of, Spezza just skates up and assily pokes Derek in the back of the legs. Roy almost kills himself trying to check him, and then Spezza knocks him down with a swipe of his arm. Hey Jason, go pick on someone your own size! Like, say, Adam Mair. (Heh heh heh) (Actually, fact-checking tells me Spezza’s the larger of that pairing, too. Damn, he’s an even bigger pussy than I thought.)
16:38 Kalinin sticks with the rebound Gerber (honest to God, I just typed “Emery” without thinking and had to change it) gives him and slams it home on the second try. His goal celebration looks like that of a paraplegic. Come on, Dmitri, show a little excitement!
13:38 Wow, this Ottawa power play is incredibly good at looking like complete shit and then, at the last second, pulling it together and getting a goal. A Redden shot deflects off of, we’re told, Numminen, and Miller just missed making the save.
11:42 There’s something black on the ice. I’m sure it’s either a helmet or a glove, but for all Google video tells me, it’s three or four pixels. And yes, this game has gotten as boring as you think it has if I’m talking about random things lying around on the ice.
11:35 Maybe I spoke too soon. Soupy looks mildly entertaining as he rockets in out of nowhere to drop a huge hit against the boards, only to completely miss the guy, and end up dumping himself on the ice.
11:00 Mair (Lock up your Spezzas, he’s back!) levels a huge check on Fisher a shade too late, because he’s already scored. I know I should probably be pissed about how easily the Sabres just gave up that two-goal lead, but honestly, with four call-ups and a short bench? I’m just happy we’re still in this game.
8:22 Man, I don’t know if it’s the game, or if I’m just burnt out, but I have nothing to say. Um… the mysterious black object has been cleared from the ice without me finding out what it was. How enthralling!
7:04 Jim informs those just tuning in that back in the second period captain Chris Drury was “cut open,” and he breaks off before he can finish his thought: “He was cut open and inside… inside we found… no, no it’s too foul, I can’t say it. We found... the heart of a… of a Ranger!” (Hey, does anyone know where I can find the fucking phone?)
4:44 The Sens go scoreless on a pretty kick-ass power play. I’m sensing a pattern, here.
3:18 Kelly goes to the box for being near Soupy while he tripped himself doing a spin-o-rama. He seems less upset than I would think, but maybe it’s because he knows we’re just going to use this next two minutes to pussy-foot around.
1:18 The power play says “I’ll see that pussy-footing, and raise you a game of dump and chase! In the wrong direction.”
0:00 Hank hit the goal post in the last minute of play, but the hockey gods have decreed this one is going to overtime.

Overtime
2:58 Has some Sen stolen Toni’s Thrash Metal powers? Because Vanek gets tripped up spectacularly at the blue line, and everyone pretends it didn’t happen.
1:56 Briere does a wide circle behind the net before coming out in front and firing the puck in the direction of the net. The Sens defense is still in “protect the goalie at all costs” mode, though, so it doesn’t get through. Shortly after, Danny’s taken down violently in the corner, and again there’s no call. Hey, he’s the only captain we’ve got left (for now), so if he’s not bleeding he better get the hell up.
1:32 Right after yet another Sabre (Ryan) goes flying, Briere is called for a teeny tiny hook. I’m not usually one to complain about the referees,--especially not retroactively--but this is kind of bullshit. Danny agrees, and sprays the inside of the penalty box glass with his water bottle. Oh, you rebel!
0:00 Miller has to make two big saves on Heatley, but other than that, it’s all face-off wins and clears for Buffalo as we head to the shoot out. Woo…

Shootout
--Before we get on with the action, MSG shows clips from Buffalo’s last game, a shootout loss against the Bruins. I remember this one--it went to sixteen frames with no one getting a goal until one finally dribbled in past Miller. I showed up to a party late and absolutely steamed because of that shootout. I wasn’t much fun. It was so unjust. I saw every minute of that game, but completely missed this one because of rehearsal. Ugh.
1^st Shot: Briere dekes and, with plenty of room to poke the puck in, banks it off the side of the net. Hello, Flyer Special Numero Dos.
2^nd Shot: Vermette tries to shoot through a five hole that doesn’t exist. Physics happens. It doesn’t work.
3^rd Shot: Gerber gets a piece of Vanek’s shot, and deflects it up into the mesh. Well, that saves the fans from the “Do I throw my hat, or don’t I?” trouble, at least.
4^th Shot: Miller is the picture of patience as he blocker-saves McAmmond’s attempt.
5^th Shot: Pommer almost false-starts, such is his eagerness. And then he either shoots it wide or hits the goal post. Or Gerber saves it. Google video's pixels aren’t going to tell me.
6^th Shot: Comrie fakes about faking, but Miller gets his blocker on it again.
7^th Shot: Staffy forehand-backhands his way into Buffalo’s heart as he lofts the puck over Gerber. (“You Forehand-Backhanded Your Way Into My Heart,” the new hit single from Red Seal Peach, coming soon!)
8^th Shot: Miller makes a snappy glove save on Fisher, and then does his best impression of a helicopter to celebrate. The victorious Sabres form one big, wriggly mass at center ice, and there are head-butts and noogies for everyone. Aw!

Okay, this was a bitch of a diary to write. There was the pissy TiFaux thing, the Google video thing, the breaking of my laptop's power cord thing, and then the Word erasing everything after the first period and putting it somewhere where I'll never get it back thing. I'm surprised I made it through alive. (And yet, impossibly, I still enjoyed myself. I'm weird like that.) This is also the last game diary posted from the state of New York, because Wednesday I go back to school! Yay, back to school! Hockey's coming!

Next week (which was so long ago that I can't actually remember when it was), the Buffachester Saberks play the Maple Leafs in Toronto and kick they asses. Who knows how many eons it's going to take me to write this one, so in the meantime, amuse yourselves with these other two brilliant takes on the game. Thanks, Kate and Heather!

12 to Remember: Buffalo vs. Washington 12/26/06

Hello everyone! I am back from vacation, and I find myself dangerously close to falling two weeks behind in my 12 to Remember series. Better get going on that!

Ut oh, looks like the Professional Sweater Handler has been slacking off. There’s no Caps sweater behind Kevin this week, only the Sabres third jersey where one should be hanging. I can’t say I mind though. Damn, I’m going to miss that throwback.

Now, the Caps don’t really lend themselves to being hated. They’re the kind of innocuously bad team that mostly everyone just feels sorry for. (You know, like the Bills.) But, of course, Buffalo fans had more than a few reasons to look forward to hating them during this game, and Kevin gives us a recap: Three weeks previous, Alex Ovechkin had tried to remove Danny Briere’s head much like one opens a bottle, checking him headfirst into the boards. As a result, he was ejected from the game, but not suspended and fined like $100 or some other laughable amount. To top it all off, even without Ovie, they pounded us 7-4, which was thoroughly embarrassing. So Sabres fans came into this game looking for a late Christmas present of revenge. And we weren’t disappointed.

Kevin also tells us this is the first game in a long time where everyone was healthy. Aw. On the one hand, no Ice Devouring Sex Tornado, but on the other hand, finally Hank!

First Period
20:00 RJ announces that Olie the Goalie won’t be in net tonight for the Caps. Well, not yet, anyway. Tee-hee. Meanwhile, at the other end is “Ryan the Goalie.” Uh, nice try, RJ.
19:59 Briere wins the draw against… Oh my God, that’s right! Zubrus was a Cap! Now I’m even more psyched about this game! Commence Zubie-watch!
19:14 Despite the fact that Ovie handles the puck for all of two seconds before being called offsides, the fans (including me!) don’t waste any time in starting in with the boos. It’s gonna be a long night of that.
18:31 Soupy touches up an icing, and I have to ask, is there any point in a game where his hair is not completely soaked? All I have to say is, considering this his is first shift, that better be water, or else he needs a serious trip to the Center for Excessive Sweating.
18:09 I love Derek Roy. I really do. He picks up a turnover, barrels into the zone, and sets Soupy up for a goal with a perfect drop pass. This kid’s not a playmaker? Soupy, for his part, somehow blasts a perfect shot right into the net, despite the five people standing in front of it. And in the ensuing crowd shot, I see myself! Well, I see the sign my sister and I are holding, at least. If I remember correctly, there’s more where that came from.
17:01 RJ, who is this “Tallinder” of whom you speak? I thought he was dead. Hank welcomes himself back by falling down behind the net. Just don't break anything!
16:27 Oh, this goal is just as ridiculous as I remember it. Drury, at the blue line, tries to get a pass to the crashing Gaustad, but the puck bounces and goes in the net instead. Now, before everyone gets all “Drury doesn’t even have to try to score, that’s how amazing he is,” let’s remember to whom this goal really belongs: Miller, who just got a primary assist.
14:55 Roy takes the first shot of the night that doesn’t go in the net. Come on! We’re gonna pay $4 mil a year for this? Just kidding, Derek. That was a really nice move to get around the D, there.
14:13 The building starts appropriately chanting “Johnson! Johnson!” I think it’s just Emery’s maddening presence that makes us forget how to do it properly. To be fair, who doesn’t want to spend every waking second heckling Ray Emery?
12:45 Listen, Drury, stick to empty netters and crazy bounces, okay? When you go and score goals that you actually earn, I start feeling the need to find the fucking phone. I’ll point out, though, that Kotalik did all the work in the corner and Drury only had to one-time a pass through the slot. I mean, anyone could have scored from there, right?
12:30 Well, I guess so, because Kotalik now scores from pretty much the same exact place. Johnson promptly breaks his stick on the crossbar before taking his .333 save percentage and skedaddling to the bench. The best part of this goal? The much, much closer-range shot MSG shows of my sister and me and our sign (it says, by the way, “Hecht! We’re not Jochen, we love the Sabres”). I mean, I can almost recognize myself!
11:09 Max draws a delayed hooking penalty while charging to the net. Off his rebound, Roy makes a beautiful between-the-legs pass to Vanek, who then drops it to Spacek. Who then, of course, gives it away while attempting to shoot. But the point is, Roy and Vanek can make sweet, sweet hockey music together, and they better have six years or so of it left in them.
10:10 Max scores from just to the left of Olie, and this game officially enters the “Is this really happening?” zone. I mean, not only is it 5-0 already, but the Sabres just spent an entire minute on the power play without going into their own end once. Unreal, I tell you.
9:37 Peters and Brashear interrupt RJ and Jim’s discussion of how hot Jason Pominville is (they say it’s because he has five points in the past two games, but all anyone sees are the curls) because they want to look manly or something. Even RJ sounds bored about the prospect of calling this fight, and I can’t say I’m too keen on recapping it. It’s not a bad fight—Peters wins with a few good right hooks, and toolishly salutes the crowd afterward—but it’s pretty unnecessary. Afterward, Rayzor takes credit for telling Andrew how to fight Brashear, and gives us way too much detail about how he likes to fight in close, and so if you keep him out blah blah blah.
9:03 A Vanek shot deflects into the net off of either Roy or the defender guarding him. Jim declares, “This is unbelievable, everything they’re shooting is going in the net!” Uh, don’t forget that first Drury goal, Jim. Even things they’re not shooting are going in the net. I was really hoping for a shot of the Washington bench right now, because I just know everyone’s looking around going, “Is there someone else can we put in goal? …Not it!”
8:04 Semin tries to shovel a wraparound into the open side of Miller’s net, but Drury is there to block the puck with his skate. Since that’s a better save than either of the two Johnson made, I have to say: Take that Washington! You can’t find one decent goalie? Well, we’ve got two, so ha! (Um, you can totally take Drury if you want.)
7:08 Right as the camera pans away down the ice you can see Briere heading in for the infamous Spearing on Ovechkin. Oh lord. While I was at the game I totally missed it, but once I saw the clip on YouTube the next day I’ll admit I was really disgusted. It’s pretty obvious that Ovie wasn’t hurt, judging by the delay between impact and reaction, but still, what a low thing to do. Especially when you’re up 6-0 already. Danny, why couldn’t you save that kind of behavior for your Flyer days?
5:40 RJ and Jim discuss how Peters earned an assist earlier in the game (yeah, you know who else did, and is more interesting? Ryan Miller!), and how his first NHL goal was against the Caps. RJ declares, “He really makes hay against the Capitals.” He’s using the little-known definition of “makes hay” that means “scores one more point than his goaltender,” I guess. Seriously, I don't know how no one has mentioned that Miller assist, yet. I mean, Ryan actually completed a pass!
2:33 With Semin in the box for upsetting Kotalik (please, oh please tell me he made a comment about that delightfully eurotrashy facial hair), the Sabres perform something that actually looks like a power play. There is a lot of passing and some shots are taken, many of which are actually on net! How exciting! Of course, they don’t score, but they probably are too full of pity to score at this point.
1:50 Yo-Yo knows it just wouldn’t be a game if he didn’t get lots of time with a perfectly wide open shot only to fire it directly at the goalie’s chest protector. He does that because he knows how much it thrills me. Honestly, it does.
1:30 Oh, Ryan. You can almost hear my family’s traditional “You’re killing me, Smalls!” coming from section 106 as Miller goes behind the net to show off his sweet stickhandling skillz and ends up assisting on a Washington goal. I guess he wanted to prove just how sucky he can be with the puck so that people will realize how amazing his assist was. Meanwhile Lydman is sitting practically in his back pocket, waiting for his big clumsy goaltender to get out of his way so he can do his job. To be fair, Miller almost got back to make the save, and he was probably just confused and thought the clock said 1:30 remaining in the third, which is his usual deadline for coughing up shutouts. Can you really blame him for thinking this game was over already?

Second Period
18:45 Ovechkin gets a delayed penalty for goalie interference, as he checks Miller right inside his own crease for no particular reason. Somebody’s Oviebits are still a little sore, aren’t they? Miller, for his part, decides to show off some of his sweet skating skillz, too, and almost falls over while skating backwards to the bench. I’m shocked he didn’t somehow manage to assist an empty netter in the process.
16:45 For all you Buffalo fans who screamed “THE POWER PLAY! WHERE’S THE FUCKING POWER PLAY?!” all throughout the playoffs, I have your answer: the Sabres crammed all of their good power plays into one game against the Capitals in December. Because everyone knows that's when they really count. Really, they look good, moving and shooting more than once, and getting at least two huge chances. But they don’t score because Washington apparently spent the intermission finding a goaltender who actually remembers what he’s doing, and dressing him in a Kolzig sweater.
16:36 Ovie streaks out of the box and in on a breakaway while Soupy tries frantically to track him down, skating to his usual rhythm of “Fuck, fuck, oh fuck, I’m a defenseman, fuck.” Miller saves him, though, and comes up with one of his patented so-huge-it-looks-simple stops.
15:57 A collision between Tallinder and Zubrus at center ice is too hot to show on screen, but RJ comments that Zubrus is “really feeling his oats, here.” Um. I have nothing to say to that except, is Zubie feeling Hank's oats? No wonder the camera panned away so quickly!
14:08 Max does a nifty move to poke a long Spacek pass just in behind three Washington defenders, and even though he overskates himself out of room and doesn’t get a shot away, it’s still pretty sweet. I guess that’s Max in a nutshell: initial excitement usually comes to naught, but it’s still fun to watch.
13:37 Is Rob Ray really going to show us footage of Peters’ first NHL goal? Well, I suppose if he must… It’s even more underwhelming and forgettable than I imagined it would be. The only thing RJ has to offer on the matter is a lame roll/role pun, and I think it’s pretty safe to assume that unless he’s shrinking Marty Biron’s sweater, or trying to brush Derek Roy’s teeth, no one really gives a shit what Peters does.
12:19 On the penalty kill (somehow Hecht snuck into the box without me noticing), Miller swats away a Zubrus shot with the side of his glove, and any dreams I had of a celebratory Zubie close-up fly into the corner with it.
9:30 Remember how I said the Sabres wasted all their good power plays in this game? Well, apparently they wasted some of their bad ones, too, as they prove there are things in the world of hockey even more underwhelming and forgettable than Peters’ first NHL goal. Still, 1 for 4 with 12 shots is a pretty good day for them, all told.
5:41 For time constraints we’ve jumped ahead in the second, just in time to hear Rob Ray harping on about Andrew Peters again, and how he had to lose weight over the summer in order to crack the line-up and how he performs his thankless job day in and day out and zzzzzzzzzz. Um, and I think you might be confusing “thankless” with “pointless” there, Rayzor.
5:24 Zooming over the Buffalo blue line, Ovie beats Hank and roofs a neat shot from the circle over Miller’s glove. I have to admit I love how he punkily cups his hand to his ear to welcome the boos that naturally follow. Other than a brief glimpse of the number nine during the celebration, there’s not much else of note about this goal.
4:26 Green makes the mistake of thinking he can knock Goose down in front of the net, and gets flattened for his trouble. Goose, I love you. After some mutual mouthing off takes place, Washington sends out Brashear to challenge, and he’s quickly shadowed by Peters. Oh please, no. I’ve had about all I can take of him for tonight.
0:08 What’s this? RJ and Jim discuss Washington’s best line, and we get lingering shots of both Ovie and Semin, but Zubrus is like the invisible man, and he gets himself tossed from the face-off circle just to force them to mention him. I’m so glad there’s no danger of him having to live in the shadow of young superstars as a Devil (uh, sorry Mr and Mrs Parise, Boxworthy, et al.), because he deserves better than this.

Third Period
20:00 The Caps start off the period on the power play, and Toni Lydman is the Dainius Zubrus of this Sabres penalty kill, as Hecht, Tallinder, and Drury all get loving close-ups while he remains an unexplored mystery.
19:11 The fans are in top form as they seamlessly convert their cheers for a good clear of the zone into boos when Ovechkin collects the puck in his own end. It’s beautifully musical.
17:03 Max skates energetically into the zone, but Roy and Vanek are too tied up in front to make anything of his centering pass. Instead, Vanek allows himself to be hooked. Is it a sign of how awful the Sabres power play really is that I want to call that a lazily drawn penalty? C’mon, Thomas! You can’t be putting your team up a man at a time like this! Meanwhile, the guy who chose the “Here Comes the Power Play!” music here is either way too excited for the man advantage, or spends way too much time in gay bars. (Actually, my coincidental use of the phrase “man advantage” there makes me want to declare those two things more significantly related than I anticipated.)
16:41 Clark scores shorthanded a mere 21 seconds in, and proves that Vanek really was lazy to draw that penalty. This goal also proves that if you’re looking for a good man advantage, you’re better off with the gay bar than the Sabres. (Have I just found next season’s slogan?)
14:41 Hecht gets hooked—lazy!—and the usual, operatic power play music has returned to us. I really love this selection, because I find that the frenzied drums mixed with the unintelligible vocals perfectly convey the message: “Oh no! In the name of all that is holy, look away and hide your children! They power play is coming! Destruction! Doom! Death!”
12:41 Okay, so that wasn’t exactly as advertised. Destruction! Doom! Death! weren’t on the menu, so it was more Missed Passes! Turnovers! Shoot the Puck Already! Which is almost as bad. Actually, Buffalo did manage to get a couple of good chances there, they just looked like they were playing at even strength for the full two minutes. That’s a sight better than they sometimes look, though, so I’m not going to complain too much.
12:09 Roy collides with someone at center ice, and miraculously doesn’t hit the ice. And I actually don’t mean that as an insult, this time. This Cap is obviously substantially bigger than little Roysie, but he just takes the open ice hit, and stays on his feet. I’m so proud! Of course, he makes up for it seconds later by going flying in front of the net, spinning through the air and taking Hank out in the process. I see that it was Zubie who hit him there, though, so I’ll give him a pass on that one. No one likes to have their oats felt.
7:23 Cuts by MSG and lackluster play by both teams allow my attention to wander until Briere makes a snappy pass to Pommer in front of the net. But Jason’s signature drool-in-the-crease distraction move isn’t enough to fool whoever’s wearing that Kolzig sweater, and he doesn't score. Pommer looks open-mouthed and shocked: No one can resist the slobber! (And by the way, where the hell have you been all game, huh?)
5:08 Mair does a fancy move to lose someone in the neutral zone, and I love the surprised but genuine cheering coming from the crowd. I think I love this guy more and more with every game I watch/re-watch. Please be a Sabre forever and ever, Adam.
3:57 Drury and Hecht get a shorthanded two-on-one (Lydman uneventfully interfered with someone earlier), but nothing comes of it, because Drury winds up and shoots it right at the Capitals logo on Olie’s sweater. I’m going to chalk that up to the proximity of Jochen “You're supposed to aim where?” Hecht, so thanks Yo-Yo for saving me from having to remember another slag-faced whoretrick.
2:23 This Carrubba Collision confuses me. In RJ’s words: “Donald Brashear, 44 more pounds than Brian Campbell, and they both go down!” Now, are we supposed to congratulate Soupy because Brashear is too brain dead to stay on his feet? Besides, this check isn’t even really a check, because Soupy half-dodged it and Brashear half-ran into the boards, and they just kind of got tangled up and fell. I’m not sure the term “Collision” should even factor in at this point.
1:24 Oh my God, this is getting effing ridiculous! The Toyota Big Save of the Game is apparently a tie between the Ovechkin breakaway stop and the edge-of-the-glove-save on Zubrus, and we get close-ups of Ovie and Miller, but not a single glance of Zubie! Are you kidding me?! We had to look at Donald effing Brashear after that Carrubba “Collision,” and for all we know, Zubrus may not have a face?! I give up. The world is clearly against my Zubie-watch here. (Also, do you suppose Hallmark sells “Thanks for being a giant curmudgeon” cards? Because if so, Ovie needs to send one to Marty Brodeur right away. I’d forgotten how stupid that tinted visor looks.)

Okay, so it got a little boring after the first, but I still love what a crazy opener this game was. Pretty much the equivalent of a knock-out punch in the first round. I remember there was a while there where I didn’t think the goals would ever stop, and then when they inevitably did, there was still the Ovie-booing to keep me occupied. Fun, fun, fun.

Next week (which, um, happened a week ago), the game this whole “Sabres to Remember” business was probably built around. Sabres, Senators, February 22nd. This is best remembered as the game Versus and NBC told you was a coming-together, bonding experience for the Sens about a million times during the SCF. Well, I hate to break it to you, but they were completely bullshitting you. Stay tuned for the real story. Hilariously, in the graphic for this game MSG managed to photoshop together a picture of Mair looking directly at Emery’s maskless face and making a classic “I’m going to throw up now, and it will probably be in your eyes” face. I cannot wait for this.

Sadly, there’s a snag: My Tifaux once again decided my vacation was its vacation and took last week off. There’s no way I’m going to miss recapping this game, though, and it’s available on Google videos, so I hope no one minds getting a recap of the full game without any of MSG’s meddling. Of course, that means no Kevin Sylvester and his magical background of sweaters, but thankfully, he gives me something to tide me over by recapping the game in his own words right now: “This game had everything. Hits, fights, goals, and a shootout!” To which I say Hey! Yes! Woo-hoo! And Ugh, again? But, oh well. Bring it on!