Euro 2008: Day 11

The Netherlands vs Romania
2 - 0

France vs Italy

0 - 2

I didn't go to the game last night, partly because I knew they were going to air the France/Italy game, and I wasn't exactly interested, but mostly because I had some homework to finish up on. I didn't plan on taking a break from blogging, but I guess I needed it. Sorry to all of you waiting with bated breath to find out the results. (I'm sure there are so many of you.)

I'll be honest, I was really hoping Italy would lose this game. As I've already said, I'm a not a huge fan of either of those teams, but I am a huge fan of Schadenfreude, and having both the reigning Euro and World Cup champs miss out on the quarterfinals is about as schadenfreutastic as it gets. Plus, ESPN would have looked even dumber, which is always fun. Sigh. Anyway, I hope Spain stomps them in the next round.

By the way, Hannah, being the smart cookie that she is, found out why all of the last games of the group stage are being played simultaneously. One of her friends directed her to this article from CBC online, which tells the story of the collusion between Germany and Austria at the 1982 World Cup. I admit, that was a very cheating cheater thing to do, but the way the writer gets all righteously indignant about it is still pretty funny

In the 1982 World Cup in Spain, Austria and West Germany shamefully conspired with one another, draping a blanket of controversy over the competition and leaving an indelible stain on the sport that will never be cleansed away.

Algeria, playing in its first World Cup, had pulled off one of the biggest upsets in the history of the tournament when it earned a 2-1 victory over West Germany in Gijon on June 16, 1982. The Africans looked a sure bet to go through to the next round from Group B.

Austria and the Germans faced off in the final match of the group in Gijon on June 17. Because FIFA did not require the final two games of the group stages to be played at the same time, Austria and West Germany knew that a 1-0 win for the Germans would be enough for both nations to advance to the next round at the expense of the upstart Algerians.

And so, the two neighbouring countries had their arrangement and stopped playing when the Germans went up 1-0 after 10 minutes.

From that point on, the game slowed to a crawl with neither team seriously venturing forward, instead killing time with a series of short passes inside their half of the field.

The Spanish spectators in the stands booed both countries unmercifully as they carried out the most despicable of sporting frauds, and Algeria protested the result to FIFA the next day, but soccer's world governing body turned a blind eye and let the injustice stand.

Both the Austrians and Germans denied they had made any sort of arrangement beforehand, but their act of collusion was as obvious as it was abhorrent, and it prompted FIFA to change the rules for subsequent tournaments so that the final two games in each group were played simultaneously.

Euro 2008: Day 10

Austria vs Germany

0 - 1

Poland vs Croatia

0 - 1

Today's the day! The day we find out who's moving on from Group B, and it's still pretty much up for grabs. Croatia is definitely in, but no one is technically out yet, though Germany has the best chance of moving on. If they beat Austria, regardless of what happens in the other game, they'll be in. Austria needs to beat Germany, and for Croatia to beat Poland. Poland will need to beat Croatia and for Austria to beat Germany, and then some goal differential stuff to work out. Poland is definitely the long shot, here. Hopefully neither of these games end in a tie, because thinking about ties makes my head hurt.

If I had to guess, I would say that Croatia is going to beat Poland, and then it won't matter, anyway, because Germany will beat Austria. That is, if they decide to actually start playing something resembling soccer this time. And, actually, even if they don't, they would still probably win, since Austria is a team full of Thomas Vanek's who can't score to save their lives. Schweinsteiger will have to sit out due to the red card he got last game, but luckily, despite having a painful cyst on his foot a few days ago, German Derek Roy has been cleared to play tonight. It would really suck for the Germans to lose their only goal scorer so far this tournament. Also, it would mean I wouldn't be able to hear one of my favorite chants: Lu, Lu, Lu! Lukas Podolski!

The fan mile is going to be INSANE tonight, and I can't wait. Even though I do love Austria, and feel bad that they haven't won a game, my heart's pretty much made up it's mind on this one: Auf geht's Deutschland, schiess ein Tor! Schiess ein Tor! Schiess ein Tooo-ooo-ooor!

Update:

The crew.

Okay, I said the fan mile was going to be insane, and I was right. We all got there at around 5:30, over three hours before the start of the Germany/Austria game, and it was PACKED. Even the streets outside the various entrances were teeming with fans. Since we were all decked out in Germany gear, we got our share of heckling from the fans in red and white, but nothing really got started, mostly because we have no idea how to react to heckling in German so it was easier to just ignore it. Actually, we were all way more familiar with the Austrian chants, which created a bit of a problem, because we had to resist the urge to join in. They're just so damn catchy! There was a fair share of Germany fans chanting outside, too, so we got a chance to practice before we went in. We spent the time before the game hanging out in a park, playing cards and drinking way-too-expensive white wine spritzers. (Yes, I'm pretty sure Austria is the only country where it's perfectly acceptable to drink white wine spritzer at a sporting event. Even if you're a guy.) It became increasingly apparent that we weren't going to be able watch the game from the main section of the fan mile, where we'd watched all of the other games so far. Even if we were able to push our way into the crowd, which was almost impossible. We were pretty much guaranteed to not be able to see the screen. So we decided to go to the part of the fan mile that was almost always deserted, where it was still crowded, but not uncomfortably so.

Sadly, the game didn't really match the intensity of the atmosphere. Germany didn't play like shit again, but they didn't dominate the way everyone knew they could, either. Austria had a few close calls, but they continued the tradition of not really knowing where the net was. The Germans were having a bit of trouble, too, though. Their one goal was off of a Ballack free kick from just outside the penalty box, which arced around the Austrian wall and just out of the reach of the goalkeeper. It was a gorgeous shot that went in clean and untouched. At another point, a German player got in alone on the goaltender, only to have the play called, bogusly, offside. It would have almost certainly been a goal, and it was made possible by a neat little backwards kick by Lukas Podolski, who, by the way, is probably my favorite player in this tournament now.

Arguing with the ref: He really is the German Derek Roy.
[Getty Images]

He was all over the place in that game. He's a striker, which is the forward-iest of the forward positions, but there were a couple of times that he was all the way back in his own corner defending an Austrian attacker, and doing a pretty awesome job, too. I don't really know much about the responsibilities of the different positions, so I don't know if it's unusual for a striker to do that or not, but I was sure impressed. He also has this great, booming shot that's dangerous from pretty much anywhere on the field, and he can create plays as well as he can shoot. He's pretty cool to watch. That's why I'm terrified to read that he may not be available to play in Germany's quarterfinal game, due to some calf pain that was bothering him in the second half of the Austria game. (Geez, first a cyst on his foot, now pain in his calf? I really hope he's not the German Tim Connolly, too.) Werd besser, Lukas! Bitte!

Hands down the best part of the game, outside of the goal, which was more relieving than exciting, was when both the German and the Austrian coaches got kicked out of the game at the same time. No one really knows what happened, but they were arguing with one of the officials, and then they were both suddenly dismissed. It was pretty cool to see them very reluctantly leave their benches, and then shake hands in a show of bad-boy solidarity as they left the field.

So, that's it. Our first two quarterfinal matches are set: Croatia vs Turkey, and Germany vs Portugal. Damn, Germany, that's going to be tough. You better wake up.

Euro 2008: Day 6

Croatia vs Germany

2 - 1

Austria vs Poland

1 - 1

It's been split into the winners and the losers again, which can only mean one thing: the winner of the first game will definitely be in, and the loser of the second game will definitely be out. (I'm pretty sure.) Drama! Clearly, I'm going for Germany and Austria, here. Croatia may be my new crush, but Germany and I are the real deal. Also, I'm really looking forward to joining all the Austrians on the fan mile and learning/using some cool new cheers. Hopefully they put on a good show.

Update: Well, last night started out awful, stayed awful in the middle, and then ended quite jubilantly! The quarterfinal picture just got so complicated I can't even handle it, though. Croatia is definitely in, but none of the other three remaining teams are technically out, yet, though there are varying degrees of probability for each team getting in. But I'm going to put off thinking about that until the next batch of games comes around.

Boy howdy did Germany play like shit last night. I mean, if I, who barely knows anything about football, can tell that you're all piles of puke, you know it's bad. There's not really much more I can say than that. They couldn't complete a pass, they couldn't find the goal, and they couldn't defend anything either. It was pretty ugly.

Even Ballack's hair didn't bring its A-game.
[Getty Images]

It wasn't until the last ten minutes that they started showing signs of life, when German Derek Roy struck again to make it 2-1, but showing up for the last ten minutes isn't going to win you games, just ask the Sabres. At least it allowed the German fans, of which there were many on the fan mile, to get back into it. For a while the only sound was the chanting of the Croatia fans in front of us "Deutschland, Deutschland, auf Wiedersehen!" and "Deutschland, Deutschland, alles ist vorbei!" (Germany, goodbye and Germany, it's all over. A bit melodramatic and premature, but I have to give them points for chanting in German. Although then they began trying to start fights in the crowd, so I'd rather not give them any points.) The only other moment worth mentioning was when Schweinsteiger (whose name, I've been told, can also be translated as "pig mounter," which is beyond unfortunate) took a red card in the final moments of the game. Since it's impossible to see the nuances of penalties on the big screen in real time when the camera uses such a wide shot, the German fans, of course, started complaining about the call right away, having not seen what he did. It was really funny watching the replay of Schweinsteiger and some Croatian player falling down in the corner while the Germans behind me yelled "Was, denn?!" (What, then?), and then when Schweinie got up and basically tackled the Croat to the ground, there was a collective feeling of "Oh. Right. That." in the crowd. Anyway, I was especially disappointed by this loss, because it means that both Germany and Austria can't go on, like I wanted them to. If Germany had won this game, I would have been free to root for Austria to win on Monday, but now I'm going to have to choose. This sucks. Stupid Germany.

For the second game, the fan mile was more packed than ever, which obviously makes sense. The whole thing was a mess of red and white, which was a bit of a problem, since at first glance it was hard to tell the difference between an Austrian fan and a Polish fan. Especially when they're all chanting in unintelligible language. Anyway, it got easier to recognize the Austrians in the first ten minutes or so, since they were the ones groaning loudly and saying "Das gibt's ja nicht!" ("That can't be!") over and over again. The Austrian team came out of the gate flying. They went after the ball, forced turnovers and completely dominated play, keeping consistent pressure on the Polish defense and, on a number of occasions, forced their way through to a perfect scoring position. And yet, they couldn't score to save their lives. Seriously, it should have been 4-0 in the first ten minutes, but the Austrians just kept getting so close and then screwing it up at the last second, shooting wide of an empty net, or kicking it right to goalie on a two-on-one. As reflected by all the cries of disbelief from the Austrian crowd, it was impossible that they weren't scoring. It was like watching a team full of Thomas Vaneks. It must be an Austrian thing. Of course, since Austria was failing to capitalize on the mistakes of the Polish defense, that meant that they eventually made a mistake, and the Poles did capitalize on it. Poland scored on a shot that the Austrian goaltender just failed to get, and that pretty much deflated them and their attack retreated after that. Then the game got pretty boring. Nothing much happened at all until the last three minutes of stoppage time, when Austria drew a penalty in the box. By this time, my view of the screen was pretty impeded (which I hadn't even really noticed, since nothing worthwhile was happening), and I thought they had scored, based on the crowd's reaction. I still never saw the actual penalty (I'm told it was kind of a dive, but what isn't in soccer?), and I only barely saw the shot. I was just praying they weren't going to somehow screw up this golden opportunity, too, and luckily they didn't. The crowd exploded when they scored, and, a few minutes later, when the game officially ended, the Austrians took to the streets, yelling and chanting and singing. I'm pretty sure it's the most excited anyone's been about a tie since someone invented this:

Doesn't it make you want to celebrate?

So, the next Group B games should be interesting.

Euro 2008: Day 2

Austria vs Croatia

0 - 1

Germany vs Poland
2 - 0

Stupidly, my friends and I scheduled an overnight trip to Budapest today, so I won't be able to watch the first batch of games of the group I'm most looking forward to seeing. I'm super excited to go to Budapest, but it's unfortunate that the trip had to overlap with these games, because I'm starting to form a major crush on Croatia, and would love to see them play Austria, especially after seeing about a million of their fans last night. But anyway, there's nothing I can do, and maybe it's a blessing in disguise because I would probably invariably end up feeling bad for whoever loses that game. As for Germany vs Poland, Polish pierogies are heavenly, but I'm rooting for Germany all the way.

I'm not sure what time I'll be back in Vienna tomorrow, but it will probably be late enough that I'll miss those games, as well. So look for an update on Group C after the fact. In the meantime I'm going to fill the empty space of my absence with a picture of a bar down the street from my dorm:


Last week it was called "Charlie P's Irish Pub" and was painted Celtic green and gold. I think Vienna might be finally starting to get into it.

Update: Okay, it seems I severely underestimated the extent to which Europe is obsessed with this tournament. Not only were the games playing in Budapest, but I actually got to see more of them than of the Group A games. I don't have any pictures this time, unless you guys want to see the millions of pictures I took of the Chain Bridge (warning: no actual chains involved), which I'm sure you don't, but I do have comments anyway:

We managed to get a table at a cute little Hungarian restaurant right in front of a big, sharp HD TV in time for the first game. My veal stew was delicious, but unfortunately the game wasn't quite as satisfying. By the time we got there, it was already about 30 minutes in and Croatia was up 1-0. I was pretty equally delighted and dismayed by this (Croatia is, after all, my crush team), until I actually saw the goal. It was a penalty kick as the result of what appeared to be a pretty weak call on a trip in the penalty box, and to make matters worse, it involved what appear to be the only non-cute Croats on the entire team (one flopped around grossly to draw the penalty, and the other actually took the shot). Seriously, they are almost painfully cute. Even their coach is a doll. Of course, the Austrians proved to hold their own in the cuteness department as well, which was a nice realization. Particularly eye-catching was one Martin Harnik, who looks a bit like a weasel, but a cute one. (The internet is not providing me with acceptable pictures of these people, otherwise I'd be posting them here.) Croatia definitely wins out in the jersey design competition, though, hands down. Even if the Croatia jerseys weren't the coolest thing since sliced bread, the numbers on the back of the Austrian jerseys are all pixelated and make it look like your TV's resolution is bad, even when it's not. I'm not a fan. Anyway, I was forced to pay attention to things like this because the game itself wasn't the most compelling. It looked, to my untrained eye, very sloppy, with abundances of imprecise passing and major misses of the net by both teams. Still, Austria put on a lot of pressure, especially in the final minutes, and got some good close chances, and I couldn't help but feel pissed off on their behalf that they had to end up losing the game--on their own soil, no less--on such a crappy goal. By the way, there was absolutely no sign of my brother's Doppelgänger, which was another disappointment.

Luckily, the Germans put on a good show and helped wash away that bad football taste. By the time the game started, Hannah, Alice, and I were checked into our hostel and watching on the communal TV there. It was great, because instead of the Hungarian broadcast we had earlier, we were somehow getting a German TV station. And, unlike the broadcasts of the games at the fan mile in Vienna, it was in actual, understandable German and not Austrian. After Germany scored their first goal, however, we realized we were the only people in the room who cared, and decided to go in search of a sports bar for a better atmosphere. We came to a bar stuffed with Germany fans just as the second half was starting, and found a tiny table in the corner. We kind of had to twist around and crane our necks to see the big screen, but it worked out okay. At the very least, it was great to be able to celebrate Germany's second goal in the proper fashion, instead of just politely cheering. The game was delightful. The two goals were both scored by Lukas Podolski, a half-Pole (drama!) who I've decided reminds me of Derek Roy. He's small-ish (the Euro Cup website tells me he's 182 cm, or about 5'11", so he's not really Roy-sized, but he is considerably smaller than most of the other German players), feisty, and was consistently roughed-up and manhandled all night. That just has Roy written all over it. His two goals were the result of some really fantastic workman-like dismantling of the Polish defense, which in the first case ended with two Germans against just the Polish goalie, who had no chance as Podolski easily knocked it in. Also, if you squint just right, he kind of looks like Roy-Z.

I wonder if Bedazzlers exist in Germany.

On the other hand, he also seems like a sweetheart, and I'm sorry, Derek, you know I love you, but of all the words I would use to describe you, "sweetheart" is not one of them. Podolski admitted to having "mixed feelings" on scoring twice against the country he was born in, and he didn't celebrate either goal. At the end of the match he even traded jerseys with the Polish player Lewandowski, which was adorable.

Approval.

Anyway, I'm glad I didn't miss these games, and look forward to Thursday when Group B plays again. The fan mile should be jumping!

Idiot's Guide to UEFA Euro 2008: Group B

The UEFA Euro Cup (also known by about a billion other names like the European Football Championship, Euro 2008, or die Euro or die EM if you're speaking German) is a competition consisting of 16 teams, split up into four groups of four. In the early rounds of the tournament, the teams from each group compete amongst themselves and the top two finishers go on to play in the quarter finals. The 2008 schedule looks like this. I've spent the past couple of days getting to know the teams a little bit, and here's what I've found out.

Group B - Austria, Croatia, Germany, Poland

Austria

"Hosted By Losers" - That pretty much says it all.
[Der Spiegel]

What I think: My recent reaction to the apathy of the Viennese didn't really tell the whole story of my feelings about Austria. Though it's true I preferred Berlin, Vienna has it's own charms. First of all, there's Wiener Schnitzel which is almost delicious enough to make me stop missing the Döner in Berlin (almost), and a national obsession with a meal called "Coffee and Cake" can never be a bad thing. Plus, for a theater and German nut, like myself, who wants to see theater in German, it's pretty much the perfect place. I just want to see the city get a little riled up, that's all. And since the easiest way for that to happen is for them to win a few games, I'm fully behind team Austria.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Macho, Prödl, Fuchs, Ivanschitz
The outlook: It's not too good. Austria has never qualified for the finals of the Euro Cup before, ever. And I'm not entirely sure how the qualifying works, but I think they may have just gotten a free pass in this time because they're hosting. The tournament website tells me they've only played friendly matches leading up to the finals, which certainly makes it sound like they bypassed the whole qualifying thing. They didn't qualify for the 2006 World Cup either, so they remain essentially untested in competitive international play, but who knows how home field advantage could spark their game. The Germany/Austria game (on June 16th) is going to be huge, and if Austria wins, look out. Despite the not-so-encouraging evidence, coach Josef Hickersberger (heh) remains convinced that his team will flourish in the role of host and will make the quarterfinals. I'm hopeful, but, looking at the rest of Group B, less than convinced.

Croatia

Ivan Klasnić - Wait a second, what's my brother doing playing
for the Croatian national team?
[Getty Images]

What I think: Seriously, that picture looks just like my brother (minus the weird facial hair), and it's freaking me out. I wish I had an appropriate comparison photo to throw up here and make you all see it, but I don't, so you'll just have to take my word for it. Anyway. The Croats have been a pleasant epiphany for me. I've always wanted to visit Dubrovnik, but other than that I didn't really have much knowledge of Croatia. A preliminary perusal of their team photos has me convinced that they're all very cute buttons, and their red-and-white checkered jerseys (not featured in the above photo) are really quite pleasing. I'm inclined to cheer for Team Croatia.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Srna, Runje, Rakitić
The outlook: Phew, it seems my sudden, unexpected crush on the Croats might not be doomed, as the website assures me that they are "packing a mean punch." They certainly whirled through the qualifying round, only losing one game, and clinching their place atop their qualifying group with one game to spare. They're also the ones to thank for saving Vienna from those pesky English, as they defeated them in their final game 3-2 and ended their hopes of qualifying. They're coming off of consecutive defeats in the group stages of Euro 2004 and the 2006 World Cup, but this time around they're looking delightfully juggernauty. Let's see if they can keep it up. I'm certainly hoping they can.

Germany

Michael Ballack - Hey, I remember this guy, too!
[Getty Images]

What I think: In all the World Cups I've seen, Germany has been my default team to cheer for, and I don't see that changing for the Euro. I'm a big fan of their language, their food, and their capital. Why wouldn't I be a fan of their football team, too? And if Cristiano Ronaldo is the face of the tournament I'll never forget, Michael Ballack is the name I'll never forget. During the 2002 World Cup, which I watched in Hamburg (Germany, not WNY), "Ballack" was one of the few words I could understand amid the mess of German commentary. (At the time I was still learning Spanish.) And for some reason my family and I spent much of the Germany games of the 2006 World Cup just saying "Ballack" over and over again in progressively exaggerated German accents. It's been pretty beaten into my brain.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Schweinsteiger (not only does it sound funny, in German it means "pig climber"), Frings, Hitzlsperger, Odonkor
The outlook: Germany's the most successful team in Euro Cup history, having won the Cup three times, in '72 and '80 as West Germany, and in '96 as reunified Germany. They're a perennial powerhouse when it comes to international football, and will be looking to accomplish what they failed to do in 2006 when they hosted the World Cup. I know it was two years ago, but I expect they'll still be riding a wave of their fans' World-Cup related excitement coming into the Euro. It was kind of a big deal for the Germans. As far as their qualification games went, they were pretty all over the place. They were the first team to qualify for the finals, but ultimately finished second in their group to the Czechs (I'm not sure how that works, but that's what the website is telling me). At one point they beat San Marino 13-0, and at another they lost to the Czech Republic 0-3. I'm sure they'll bring their best game to Austria, though, and shouldn't have a problem making it to the quarterfinals.

Poland

Polish Fans - They're pretty hardcore.
[Getty Images]

What I think: Yet another Group B team I could see myself rooting for, based solely on the fact that Krakow was, outside of Berlin, the best city I visited during my European trip. (Yes, it was better than Paris.) The city was beautiful and yet somehow (unlike Prague) mostly devoid of tourists, the beer was tasty, the pierogies were worship-worthy, and the streets filling with hundreds of football fans and riot police was exhilarating. I would definitely go back if I had the chance. My experience in Krakow was enough reason for me to wish Team Poland well.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Kuszczak, Wawrzyniak, Dudka, Błaszczykowski
The outlook: Like Austria, Poland will be appearing in their first ever Euro Cup finals this year, but unlike Austria, they at least got there honestly. They came out on top of the only qualifying group that contained eight teams instead of seven, with Portugal as their runners-up, due to a strong performance by striker Euzebiusz Smolarek and a six-game winning streak. They lost out in the first stage of the 2006 World Cup to Germany and Ecuador, but they should be able to ride the momentum of their qualification wins and the passion of their fans and make this Group B interesting.

Coming Soon: Groups C and D!

Vienna really better suited for European Cake Championships

But before I get to that, a couple of words about what this blog is (ostensibly) actually about:

The Stanley Cup Finals have completely lost me. Since my classes for this semester are technically over, I predict I'll be up tonight at a time when I could watch the game, but I'm probably not even going to bother seeing if my internet will let me tune in. I'm just beyond caring. I've accepted that the Red Wings are going to win, and I'm pretty ambivalent about the whole thing. The one positive I'm choosing to focus on is that when Nick Lidstrom becomes the first European to ever captain a team to the cup (which, as the most genetically-engineered-superhumany of the genetically engineered superhumans, good for him), it will mean that Daniel Alfredsson (or worse, Jagr) won't have the chance anymore. That's good enough reason for me to accept the Cup going to Detroit. But the sad truth is, the other day I caught myself thinking that if Europe only allowed me access to one major sporting event this year, I'm glad it was the Super Bowl, and if that's not the most damning thing ever said about these Finals, I don't know what is. I mean I love hockey, and I don't even especially like football! But that game was totally worth staying up until 4 in the morning for (even with the crappy/depressing British commercials), and with these playoffs I've checked the box scores upon waking up and more often than not been relieved that I chose to sleep. So, while I may be regretting my decision to skip out on all these games when I start getting that itch come August, for now, hockey, I've made my peace with you, and I'm moving on.

So I've really not followed through on my planned Euro Cup coverage, have I? A trip to Paris and the traditional end-of-the-semester push to finish my work did a pretty good job of distracting me from my planned procrastination. Sorry about that. But today I read something in the German magazine Der Spiegel (available online in English) which got me back on task:

Vienna Is Uptight

I thought it was a pretty entertaining read, but probably less so if you're not familiar with the city, so I'll try to highlight:

The Viennese are not at all happy about handing their great imperial city over to a bunch of drunken football fans for the month of June, and they're not exactly making it a secret. The article opens by recounting the reaction to the first subway line that allowed the working class citizens of the outer quarters speedy access to the heart of the city:

Now, complained the Viennese daily Die Presse, the city will be flooded with the hoi polloi. Not a few agreed with the paper.

Thirty years later, it seems the elitist mentality hasn't changed much, and European football fans are the new "hoi polloi." Over the past couple of weeks I've watched the city's various treasures--gardens, theaters, monuments--being boarded up and barricaded from the impending onslaught. And I get it. Vienna has survived several sieges, two world wars, and it's not about to surrender all its history and restorative efforts to a drunken hoard of sports fans, who, let's be honest, have a tendency of getting out of control. But the thing is, I think Vienna could do with getting roughed up a bit. It's an undeniably beautiful city, chock full of palaces, parks, and churches, but it feels a bit like a museum. This is a country whose greatest claim to global significance since 1914 is getting mixed up with Australia all the time, and they spend most of their energy preserving what they accomplished hundreds of years ago. Half the time I expect the streets to reek of formaldehyde. That's not to say I'm not enjoying my time here, but I much preferred the feeling of Berlin, a city famous for its history, but alive with its promises of progress. Hopefully the Euro Cup will bring some vibrance, and some of the quotes from the Der Spiegel article strongly suggest it's time the Viennese put down their coffee cups, put on a little red-and-white and see what supporting their national team has to offer.

"I have an 86-year old mother. Do I have to lock her up at home?" asked a perfectly coiffed lady in a concerned voice at a recent public hearing at the Vienna city hall.

Man, locking your mother up for a solid month? That's pretty intense. Does this woman think the city is just going to be one big mosh pit 24/7? I mean, if it is, I stand corrected, and by all means keep your fragile relatives indoors. But I would say if you avoid the immediate area of the stadium, and save your shopping for the hours not following a big win (not that any Viennese store would dream of being open that late, anyway), you should be safe.

Most of all, though, there is a widespread fear of football hooligans, drunken fans charging through the city center, and the English.

I think this part made me crack up the most. Really, the third biggest threat to Vienna are the English? Even greater than bears? I'll have to remember to make my American-accented English extra-noticeable so I don't have people running from me screaming in the streets. The best part about this is that England didn't even qualify for the Euro, but that doesn't stop the Viennese from fearing them. They might come in and wreak havoc just because.

Surveys have found that one-third of Austrians don't care about the tournament at all. In the heart of Vienna, indications that the world's second biggest football tournament are about to start are almost impossible to find -- even if the Euro2008 will be, along with the 1976 Winter Olympics, one of the most important sporting events in the country's history. A few intersections are graced with red, blue and yellow soccer-player models made of wood, and shops have now placed a few football trinkets next to the standard Vienna souvenir fare. But that's about it.

This is really sad. You have one of the premiere sporting events in the world happening in your city, and you can't even get a little excited about it? It's like Carolina hosting a Stanley Cup parade! Although at least Austria has the excuse of their team being sort of pathetic. It's kind of hard to blame them for ignoring a sport they're apparently just not that good at. Still, I'm an American. My country isn't even competing, and even if they were they would have to resort to having the other team's defenders scoring goals for them just like in the World Cup. And I'm excited. At least work up a healthy hatred of the Germans, or something! Stir it up a little bit! Also, just to add a little first-hand evidence to this, I've seen a couple of other signs of the coming tournament--a football exhibit in the Technical Museum, red and white banners gracing the city hall, football-shaped and -painted shrubs--but I have yet to see a real, live person wearing any of the scarves or jerseys or shirts being sold sporadically about the city. It's like the enjoyment of the event is there in theory, but no one's actually bothering to put it into practice.

Once the ball starts rolling, the center of Vienna will host a "fan mile" like those that dotted Germany two summers ago. Eight-hundred meters of the city's famous Ringstrasse, circling the heart of the capital, will be closed off for 70,000 fans to watch the games on giant screens.

Okay, nothing pathetic about this. That sounds awesome, and I'm totally there.

There are more than 1,000 rose bushes growing [in the famous Volksgarten], rare types such as the "Gloria Dei" and the "Freedom Bell." They have to be protected at all costs, says Gerd Koch, caretaker of the garden. "The garden was first created in 1820. If the fans were allowed in, the plants here would be in danger." [...] Writes Vienna's Standard, it is incomprehensible that the noble city center will be turned over to football fans when everyone knows their proclivity for "boozing, chanting, pissing and barfing."

First of all, I think I have to get my hands on this Standard article, because the terms for "boozing, chanting, pissing and barfing" are currently huge holes in my German vocabulary. Second of all, I love how Vienna is treating football fans like wild animals or little kids. Better lock up your garbage cans and put safety caps on all your medicines while you're at it. I get the aversion to pissing and barfing (provided they're referring to public enactments thereof), but, really, they're going to hold boozing and chanting against people? What else are they terrified the fans might do? Tear and stomp on a photo of a Gloria Dei? Deface portraits of Austria's favorite Kaisers by drawing silly mustaches on them?

Oh... wait.

At least they dodged a bullet here:

Justice officials recently let their compatriots know that, according to official regulations, only the high state representatives are allowed to fly flags from their cars. Those letting patriotic euphoria get the better of them could be hit with draconian penalties.

Really, after seeing what hosting the 2006 World Cup did for German national identity (which was pretty incredible), they were seriously going to try to hem in the flag-waving? Luckily, the Transportation Minister had the sense to intervene and suspend this ruling before anyone had the chance to get outraged. Thanks, Werner Faymann! I've actually seen quite a few flags flying from cars all over the city. It's the one clue that there might actually be some self-declared football fans here, just waiting for the chance to bust out. I sure hope so, because the car flags, more than anything, remind me of what it was like in playoff Buffalo, and I'll be fairly disappointed if a continental competition can't live up to that level of excitement.

Only four days left. Here's hoping Vienna gets knocked on her ass! Just, figuratively and not irreparably, okay, football fans?