Weighing In

Sorry about the long silence, but travel and social engagements have kept me too busy to blog recently. Today, though, my mom and I have vowed to do nothing but wrap presents, and watch The Muppet Christmas Carol, so I'm going to seize the opportunity to unload about something that's been clogging up my brain for too long.

I don't have much to say about the Sabres play at the moment that a simple "thumbs up" won't cover, so allow me to travel way back in time to re-visit an issue that has been pretty well covered by many blogs already. Just to refresh your memories:



You'll find the bulk of my reaction already expressed in the aforelinked posts, so I'm going to do my best not to be redundant, but there are two particular quotes that I want to respond to. The first comes from this article in The Buffalo News:

"I tried to hit [Kaleta] and missed a little bit," Ruutu told the Ottawa Citizen. "My shoulder hit his head and then his head hit the glass. That was really it. Not much you could do."

This is a quote I find akin to Alex Ovechkin's "Nobody can kill me" reaction to criticism of his reckless play. I tried to blog about that gem at the time, but as always when I try to articulate my hatred of Ovie, I was too blinded by crimson rage to manage anything more than incoherent sputtering. The words I couldn't get out then are the same I have to offer Ruutu now: In my opinion, this kind of attitude doesn't belong in hockey. This is one of the most dangerous sports in the world. It's a sport where grown (sometimes over-grown) men slam into each other while traveling at top speeds on a low-friction surface. It's a sport where players swing fiberglass sticks around to propel a piece of frozen galvanized rubber through the air at speeds approaching 100mph. Not to mention the fact that everyone has razor blades strapped to the bottoms of their feet. Someone certainly can kill you, Ovie. Even though it hasn't happened yet, it's not that hard to imagine. In fact, I almost have a harder time imagining how it hasn't happened yet. What I'm trying to say is hockey is the last place you want to play fast and loose with safety. This is a sport where unavoidable, freak accidents have ended in arterial spatter on the ice. So, in my opinion, "I missed," just doesn't cut it. Personally, I don't buy that Ruutu wasn't aiming for Kaleta's head, but even if he wasn't, he shouldn't get off suspension-free just because he says there was nothing he could do. Accidents do happen, but you should have better control of your body than that or you shouldn't be playing hockey. Period. And don't tell me it's that hard, because most other players seem to manage. If they didn't, players like Ruutu, Neil, and--yes--Kaleta wouldn't stand out the way they do.

I understand that that's not entirely fair--after all, not all styles of play were created equally in this regard. Tim Connolly not properly controlling his body will more likely result in him losing the puck than someone lying unconscious on the ice. So I understand that while some players are able to stay away from the line between safe and reckless play altogether, others are forced to toe it in order to perform their role on the team. So how are they supposed to stay toeing the right side of the line? Well, that leads me to my next quote:

I'll be worried about Kaleta's quality of life after hockey when he starts showing an ounce of concern for his fellow players' quality of life after hockey.

This was a comment to the blog post from Top Shelf that I linked to above. I don't really have that much of a problem with this statement, given that it's coming from a fan. As much as I like to think that I would still be uneasy about this hit even if Kaleta had been on the giving end of it, if it had been Neil or Avery on the receiving end, I probably would be less upset. But that's the entitlement of a fan. We get to have subjective judgment and hold unfounded and unjustly long grudges. The problem is that this seems to be the same stance the league is taking on this issue, and they don't have the same entitlements. They have obligations to keep the rules of the game well-defined and to keep the players of the game safe, and they don't get to ignore those obligations just because it's "just" Kaleta lying on the ice. Heather did an excellent job explaining why, when it comes to issues of safety, all players are created equal, regardless of their talent level--although it's really sad to think that the league needs a blogger to point that out to them. Letting goons and bruisers beat up on each other as much as they like as long as they don't touch the "important" players doesn't count as fair strategy. I'm not sure it counts as strategy at all, actually. Trusting players to police each other and trusting them to keep each other safe are almost entirely mutually exclusive, as it turns out, so the neutral authority is going to have to step in at some point. Like it or not, Kaleta showing respect for other players' safety starts with the league forcing other players to respect his. Until that happens, the vicious cycle of "a boarding for a boarding" will continue to leave the whole world with mushy brains.

Of course, it's not certain that more suspensions are the answer to cleaning up the game, especially with one of the league's premiere players going around telling the world that no amount of discipline is going to make him change his ways. But that's still no excuse for not trying.

One thing is for sure, though: everyone's looking forward to meeting the Sens on the day after Christmas, and right now I'm glad that I happen to have tickets. Here's hoping I'm still happy to have had them on the day after the day after Christmas.

By the way, about last night's game against the Capitals: I'm afraid that was all my fault. I forewent (if that's a word) watching the game in order to go see New Moon with my sister. That's a bold admission to make in a public forum, to be sure, but rest assured that we went in irony. I had planned on zipping through the game on DVR this morning, but it seems the Sabres took it upon themselves to try to play a game even worse than New Moon, in order to make me feel better about ditching them. I'm sure they didn't actually succeed, but I can't imagine watching a hockey game that even approached that level of awfulness was a pleasant experience. So I'd like to apologize to everyone whose night I ruined. Believe me, it will not happen again.

Well.

Color me surprised. That makes two games in a row the Sabres have put in a good effort to gain and keep the lead. Sure, at times they looked like they were barely hanging on, but the important part is that they did hang on, I guess. Lindy said last night that this was the type of game the Sabres have usually let get away from them pretty easily this season, to which my household said "You're tellin' us!" Obviously it would have been better if they hadn't let Ottawa back into it in the first place, but it was definitely encouraging that they staved off the complete takeover that we've gotten so used to seeing this season. I'm not saying I'm totally convinced that they've turned a corner - they still have some proving left to do - but it sure is nice to see something different.

This morning a thought snuck into my head that I was almost too scared to consciously think let alone type into my blog. But if I lived in constant fear of the wrath of the Hockey Gods, I wouldn't be able to think or write anything, so here it is: Wouldn't it be sweet to get a winning streak going out of this, especially considering the completely different kind of streak we were in at this time last year?

That said, I'm almost certain we're going to lose on Friday, not least because the Gamblers will be in attendance, and I can count on two fingers the number of Sabres wins I've seen in person. You got lucky this time, Rangers.

My marriage (as is accepted tradition with proposals, I'm taking a non-reply as a "YES") to Matt Ellis is still going strong after last night. Scoring on the Sens is usually enough to get an offer for dinner and a movie from me at any time, but score 15 seconds into the game to extend your goal streak to 3 in 2 games, and I'm ready to marry you for the second time this week. If he keeps this up he could find himself with not only a regular job in the NHL but also a longer-term long-distance second wife! It's like all of his wildest dreams coming true, I'm sure.

Finally, I guess I have to talk about the bite. If you'd asked me directly after the incident, I would have had this to say:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Yeah, it may make me a bad person, but I was definitely more amused than outraged when I first realized what was going on. But I think you have to cut me a little slack. I've lip-read some funny things in my time as a hockey fan, but I don't think anything can prepare you for the moment when you read one of your players saying "He fucking bit me!" Now that I've had some time to take it in and think it over, however, I have this to say:

Eh, whatevs. 

Don't get me wrong, I still think it was uncalled-for (not to mention disgusting; there's no way hockey player thumb tastes good) and I still think the league should look at it, but I'm not going to concern myself with thinking about what the possible suspension/fine should be. I have better things to worry about, and so do the Sabres. So I was happy to see that Lindy was very low-key about it, turning the attention of his postgame press conference quickly back to the game play. When your captain gets cheap-shotted to the ice, you should make a big deal about it, but when your enforcer is on the receiving end of a mostly benign, albeit bizarre, attack, you let the league figure it out and keep your team focused on playing hockey. That's just the way I think it should be.

Still, I was pleasantly surprised to see how diplomatic Peters was in his postgame interview. It's no secret I'm not his biggest fan, but it was refreshing to see him defending the refs for the call they made and insisting that the Sabres have to focus on their next game and not the next time they play the Senators. Especially when you consider that this is a guy who doesn't spend a lot of time in the spotlight, you have to appreciate the fact that he didn't grab the opportunity in front of the cameras to declare, "RUUTU MUST DIE!!!" He may be mostly useless on the ice, but he's no attention-grabbing Sean Avery type, and for that I can't hate him. 

It's Pretty Bleak

For a few wild moments there I thought about purchasing the ESPN 360 package to the playoffs (for about 50 Euro, or $75) just to get my dose of hockey in before what is sure to be an endless (even more endless than last year) off-season. I mean, it's playoff hockey, which is pretty much my favorite thing in the world, even if the Sabres aren't playing (sniff). But then I actually took a look at how the playoff picture turned out and decided... it's not for me. Being in Europe and being (albeit unwillingly) cut off from hockey for most of the season has saved me a lot of pain so far, so why stop now, when it's almost guaranteed that a team I hate will end up doing well? Why should I subject myself to that, let alone pay for the privilege? No, I decided it was a much better idea to just keep the playoffs in the periphery, satiate my thirst for hockey with boxscores and posts on other blogs. That doesn't mean I'll be observing without a rooting interest, though. Uninformed though I am, I still know which teams I want to win and (more importantly) which teams I want to lose. I'm stating it here for the record that I'm hitching my wagon to the New Jersey Devils' train. (That in itself should be enough to tell you how out of touch with this season I am.) On the one hand, everything I've read over at IPB this year has told me that there's no way in hell that the Devils are going to win it all. On the other hand, the last time I chose to back the Devils once the Sabres were out of the running was back in 2000, so maybe I'm just the good luck charm they need to win another Cup. Either way, the Devils have somehow become the team I like the most in the East, after the Sabres, (this may have much to do with the fact that I never actually watch them play) and that's good enough for me. So how do the rest of my allegiances play out? Let's take a look one match-up at a time.

(Note: As stated, I have paid almost zero attention to the rest of the league this season. Hell, I barely kept up with the Sabres. So none of this information is meant to be taken as a prediction. These are just my gut feelings about who I think should win, in order to bring justice to the universe.)

1. Montreal Canadiens vs. Boston Bruins
I don't think I saw a single game the Sabres played against the Bruins this year, and yet I am totally sick of them. They somehow bring a type of boredom to the game that transcends things like actually watching them play, and the thought of cheering for them almost literally puts me to sleep. That being said, almost everyone around me is totally sold on the Canadiens, and I'm not sure why. Maybe their awesomeness doesn't transcend things like actually watching them play, I don't know. In any case, I can't think of any logical reason not to cheer for them, so Go Habs! I guess.

2. Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Ottawa Senators
I have a brain, ergo, Go Pens! Okay, really, the Senators make me sick. This ocean between us hasn't done anything to lessen that effect. Maybe I'm just a sore loser because the Sens played a primary role in derailing the first team I ever really, truly, and passionately cared about, but I'm stating here for the record that I will never, ever root for them. I just don't have it in me. That aside, a speedy exit from the playoffs would be just the picture-perfect end to a season that began with every Ottawa fan and half the MSM wanting to just cut the crap and stamp their names on the Cup already. As this year's Superbowl taught me, Schadenfreude attracts my rooting interest like nothing else.

3. Washington Capitals vs. Philadelphia Flyers
The Caps are a problematic team for me. I was perfectly content to cast them aside without a thought while they were still a (mostly) cute nuisance, perennially on the outside looking in on the post-season, but then this year they became impossible to ignore. Ovechkin had a stellar year, which everyone insisted on not shutting up about, to the point where they became increasingly obsessed with the possibility of the Caps making the playoffs, starting in about October. And then when they actually did manage to squeak into 3rd place (How crazy is it that that's possible? The Southeast is such a pit of despair), forget about it. I can't exactly pin down what it is that I don't like about the Caps (I don't exactly hate Ovechkin, though I resent everyone telling me how ecstatic I should be about him making his playoff debut), but one thing is for sure: I liked it a lot better when it was a given that they would suck their way out of the top eight. *Sigh* Luckily for them, they're playing the Flyers in the first round, so I see no choice but to say Go Caps. But I do so begrudgingly. (Sorry, Marty. You know I still love you.)

4. New Jersey Devils vs. New York Rangers

'Nuff said.

I would say stay tuned for the Western Conference edition of Gambler's Random Thoughts on the Playoff Match-Ups, but the truth is I can't be bothered to care. It's not like I ever paid attention to the Western Conference when we actually shared the same continent, anyway. I'll pick a team once we get closer to the Cup, I guess.

Ta Da!

What did I tell you guys? My play ends and voila! The struggling Sabres pull off a win against the league powerhouse and big rival Ottawa Senators. Once again, I'm sorry I was holding them back for so long.

Tomorrow I actually get to watch a game for the first time in about a month! I'm so excited! I just hope it turns out differently than last year's day-after-Thanksgiving game against Montreal, which I attended in person. I think a loss in literally the last second of overtime might be the most anti-climactic way for a game to end. So let's just try to avoid that, okay guys?

Hopefully more to come before the weekend's over, but I'm enjoying being home, so I'm not going to promise anything.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

12 to Remember: Buffalo vs. Ottawa 2/22/07

Alright, Google video is fired up and ready to go, so let’s just jump right in!

This is weird. I miss Kevin.

First Period
20:00 Marty! MartyMartyMartyMarty! Who knew the sight of a blank white facemask could ever cause me this much joy?
19:19 A Lydman shot from the point (that was set up perfectly by Staffy [!]) bounces off Emery like his equipment is made of springs. Oh yes, recapping Emery’s goaltending “style” is going to be quite fun. Until he gets punched in the face, that is.
18:51 Briere blindly drops a pass behind the net, directly onto the stick of Spezza, who then gets a free wraparound attempt. Listen, Danny, I love that move! How’s about you call it “The Flyer Special,” huh? (Poor Marty says, “No, thanks,” as he makes the save.)
18:03 A Hecht shot deflects out of play, and Jim seems a little confused about how he didn’t score when Emery left the high, short side open. Jim, Jim, Jim. What are you, new? He didn’t score because he’s Yo-Yo. He doesn’t shoot at open spaces! That’s what goalies are for. (Replay shows that the shot actually hit the post, but I’m still skeptical. There had to have been a Senators logo somewhere on that post.)
17:40 The crowd roars, and Jim informs us it’s because Western New York native Pat Kaleta has just taken the ice for his first shift in the NHL. Now, I know I should probably be totally sick of him and his story line because of how many times it was shoved down my throat, but I can’t help it: I’m a sucker for the local boys. Every fan wants players who always dreamt about playing on their team, and let’s face it: growing up in Buffalo is the only reason any kid genuinely says “I’m going to be a Sabre someday!” (I really love the Sabres’ recent habit of drafting at least one local a year—at least until this year when South Buffalo prodigy Pat Kane proved out of reach. I love that when Darcy casually asked about what it would take to get that first draft pick, the Chicago GM apparently replied with something like “I would need a left wing, proven scorer in his early twenties to let that go.” Dude, how hard is it to just say “Thomas Vanek”? Or "the Austrian"?) Hey, is there still a game going on? Sweet!
16:15 I should also probably be sick of the whole “Lindy had to tell Kaleta to tone down the hitting at training camp so no one got hurt” story, too, but I’m not. What a spitfire, I love it!
15:55 Hank reminds me that there’s actually hockey happening as he masterfully intercepts a pass from Fisher behind the net. Whew, that was sexy! I promise I’ll pay more attention from now on.
15:20 Chris Neil gets an overly-long close-up for no good reason. Because no good reason exists.
14:27 The Sens touch up on an icing, and as Mair skates to the face-off circle, it looks like he either has a black eye or is wearing eyeliner. I’m almost ashamed to admit I find both options equally hot. Turns out it was just a trick of the light, but too late. The bruised/made-up Mair fantasies are already in my brain to stay. (By the way, it feels like no one’s taken a shot on net in about ten hours.)
13:54 Rob Ray informs us after commercial that the Town of Evans has declared (or presented a “doclumation,” whatever that is) that February 22, 2007 is “Pat Kaleta Day.” I’ll be sure to celebrate that the next time February 22, 2007 rolls around.
13:00 Kaleta and Corvo get slap-happy in the corner (Kaleta actually managed to knock himself off his feet with the force of his own check, leaving Corvo standing over him going “What the hell?”) before Peters comes in and puts an end to the nonsense by dropping a check on both of them at once. So fair and pragmatic, that Peters.
12:37 MacArthur goes to the box for hooking, and Jim tries to soothe the viewers’ worries by pointing out that the Ottawa power play is almost as bad as ours. Of course, he does it very subtly and statbitty, but the message comes in loud and clear.
12:15 Alfredsson falls down while holding the puck, and Drury still only just manages to keep him from getting past him and into the zone. Dude, Drury sucks. Someone should really hit him in the head or something. (By the way, I heard that’s the new Ranger Special.)
10:37 What do you know? That power play was almost as bad as one of ours.
10:19 Hank slaloms gracefully up the ice and creates some Afinogenov-esque chaos, leaving defenders scrambling and confused. But of course he doesn’t look anything like Max.; it somehow seems like his feet aren’t even moving. He takes a shot just inside the blue line, and Volchenkov saves Emery from giving up the rebound and does it for him, right up into the mesh.
10:00 Patches looks incredulous as he heads to the box for hooking Comrie, but in the replay it really couldn’t have been more blatant. Mair gets a little shovey with Comrie and Kelly after the whistle, and they wisely skate away from him. Chillax for now, Adam. You’ll get to punch something later, I promise.
8:59 Marty makes the initial save on a Phillips shot from the point, but leaves the net wide open for Alfredsson to bang in the rebound, which he does. Just as I was getting ready to write, “Boy, this looks like a competition to see who can have the more useless special teams,” too. (Buffalo, you win!)
7:07 We spend forever and a day trying to gain the zone, but end up giving a goal to Heatley instead. Maybe it’s just the blank mask, but Marty looks more chagrined and angry than he should. Don’t worry, Marty, it was an unscreened shot from the point. Ryan wouldn't have stopped it, either.
6:37 Hecht tries to look fancy carrying the puck, and almost falls down. Cute! He manages to get a shot away, though, and Emery appears to actually have some trouble with it. Ray, if you can’t handle a shot that was aimed directly at you, there’s no hope. As we head to commercial, a close-up shows Yo-Yo sporting a neon green mouth guard, and I am awash with love. He bought that to match his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lunchbox, I just know it.
4:20 Staffy guns a shot way wide of the net, but that doesn’t keep Emery from striking his best “I’m making a save! …Right?” pose.
3:17 Roy passes out in front to Vanek, who has a perfect backhand opportunity, but opts instead to retreat behind the net and wait for the earliest occasion to give the puck away. If he thinks he’ll be able to get away with things like that next season, he clearly hasn’t been in Buffalo long enough. Poor guy.
2:17 Mike Ryan gets no less than three second-chances as he tries to bang the puck in short-side, the last of which ends up right on Drury’s stick and then soars into the net. And the whole time, Emery just sits there like some immovable brick wall incapable of covering up. What do you think your glove is for, Ray?
1:57 WHAT?! Did I just hear that correctly? Did Jim just say the Sabres have scored six power play goals in the last two games? Surely not! (That’s the Patches touch for you!) Well, they have a chance to prove they can do it here and now, as Corvo gets called for… I really have no idea, based on the replay. Is falling down a penalty?
0:25 Vanek makes up for that missed backhand incident earlier by fighting hard for the puck along the boards and working it out in front for a scoring chance. It’s pure muscle, but Emery grabs the shot and hangs on. (Oh, he’s finally realized he can do that, huh?)

Second Period
20:00 Before I get any further into this, I have to discuss these unsavory working conditions. The video quality is the typically grainy Google Video Special, which is so pixilated it’s sometimes hard to tell the difference between the puck and a helmet. But the sound is even more curious. Either every single player has a mic on his skates, or Google hired a team of Foley artists who really, really love the “sharpening knife” sound effect, because everything RJ and Jim say is only barely audible over the sound of the guys skating. Why must my TiFaux hate me?
19:40 Staffy works some magic to lose a defender in the corner and skates in on goal, only to have Ryan lumber right into his path and basically steal the puck away from him. What the hell happened there? I think Mike Ryan is a spy.
18:50 Jim starts talking about something Darcy said in a press conference earlier, and we get a shot of the GM up wherever he spends games, looking studious in front of a TV monitor and wearing some serious-looking glasses. And then something magical happens. He reaches somewhere off screen, produces what is unmistakably an orange dreamsicle, and takes a huge bite out of it. An orange dreamsicle! Excuse me while I laugh for entirely too long over this visual.
18:09 Yo-Yo, obviously not wanting to be outdone by Darcy’s dreamsicle antics, loses his footing when he's all alone and way away from the play, and basically has to piggy-back the ref in order to stay on his skates. I die laughing all over again.
16:50 Pommer appears to score from the point, and there’s great celebration as RJ breaks out the “Population of Pominville” call, and the guy manning the sign in the building bumps it up to the appropriate number. And then the unthinkable happens. Replay shows that it was actually Vanek who deflected the puck into the net, and no one seems upset about it. Guys, Vanek just killed a citizen of Pominville. A baby! Right before your eyes!
16:09 Vanek collects a loose puck at the blue line, splits the D, and scores the easiest-looking goal ever. Way to go, Baby Killer.
14:55 Drury’s just been laid out by Neil, and this game as everyone remembers it is really underway now. Slag-faced whore or no, I still feel sick and angry (and a little bit proud) watching as Drury tries to struggle to his feet while bleeding from the head. But I now love Staffy double for immediately grabbing a hold of Neil and trying his damndest not to get his ass kicked. He seems so passionate, and warrior-like, and (dare I say it?) captainly. Hmmm… somewhat familiar.
--Lindy, with his snarling bulldog face on, “informs” the ref that he believes there was an elbow involved. Next to him, Vanek is either vehemently agreeing, or practicing his Pronger elbow move in preparation for more baby killing later.
--The camera zooms in on Briere for some captainly reassurance, and he looks nothing short of terrified. What, you expected him to be outraged, MSG? He’s just glad it wasn’t him!
14:47 The guard dogs are off their leashes! Kaleta tangles with Heatley before the puck is dropped, and Mair ignores the face-off to go after Spezza. Peters skates around, desperately looking for someone to fight, but is disappointed when Heatley doesn’t respond to having his face grabbed from behind. Meanwhile, Mair has no less than three Sens on him. My favorite part of this sequence is still when Hank and Heatley skate by, looking like they’re embracing while trying to look tough. (I just want to say that, for all the shit Lindy got for this move and how much money it cost him, I still think Murray is a grade-A idiot for sending out a skill line after a hit like that. I mean, even people in Bangladesh were sniffing the air and saying, “Somewhere, Lindy Ruff is really, really pissed off. Somewhere, someone is going to get punched in the face because of it. Somewhere, that someone should not be a skill player.”)
--Marty decides to leave his crease and show Staffy how to get one’s ass kicked good and proper. Bless his heart.
--Peters is still trying to get someone to fight him, and Spezza dives for cover in a referee’s armpit. This game is just a comedy-fest!
--Ray Emery, you are such a sucky goalie. Look, just look at those rebounds your face is giving up to Peters’ fist! (Heh heh heh) (Oh, and NBC, I wasn’t aware that standing idly by while your goalie gets pummeled by a skater was a sign of team solidarity. How enlightening.)
--Lindy and Murray, uh, “have some words” and between them, Rob Ray visibly wants to punch something. The camera guy next to him is really glad to be wearing a helmet.
--The refs convene and decide it would be easier to just expand the penalty boxes to fit every player from both teams than sort out all these infractions.
--I was going to skip over this whole “waiting millennia for penalties to be announced” nonsense, since I’m more than certain that it was cut from the MSG Game to Remember airing, but after seeing the slow-motion replay of Mair fighting I’m so glad I didn’t. It’s quite possibly the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen on ice. With Comrie clinging uselessly to his left arm, Adam manages to hold on to a desperately-retreating Spezza and punch him three times square in the face. It’s only when Volchenkov comes in, tosses Comrie aside, and jumps on Mair’s back that he gets hauled down. Hott. (And it looks like Lydman grabs onto the discarded Comrie near the end of the clip. Dude. I wouldn’t want to mess with Thrash Metal Toni.)
--The list of penalties sounds like the roll call of ships in the Iliad. Only longer.
14:16 Hey, look! There’s still hockey going on! Maybe. After Miller stones Comrie’s point-blank shot, Lydman looks decidedly elsewhere as he “accidentally” dumps the Little Bitch with his stick. I told you, don’t mess with Thrash Metal Toni. (The refs know what I’m saying, and turn a blind eye to the shenanigans.)
12:46 One big save and a couple of key shot-blocks later, the Sens have effectively sucked their way through that 5-on-3. Of course, because the Sabres are such big mean bully punks, they still have two minutes of power play time left.
11:51 The Ottawa power play is only effective at lulling everyone into an unsuspecting coma of boredom, which allows Heatley to score when no one’s looking. Jim says what I’m thinking: still totally worth it.
9:52 Rob Ray tries to tell us that the Sabres are a special team because they fight. Um, I have no idea how to respond to that. (Okay, okay. So his real point is that non-fighter types [he cites Lydman, Yo-Yo, and Soupy] have been fighting recently, but still. He makes it sound like we invented fighting. The clips that are being shown, however, make it look like we invented sucking at fighting.)
5:22 Fisher and Roy get matching minors; Fisher for something involving pushing, and Roy for something involving being a mouthy hot-head. On the bench, Lindy seems unaware of Derek’s penalty, and is looking around, all, “Now, where’d my tiny little ball of fury get to?”
1:37 Just when I think someone (probably me) will die if I write one more word about this period, MacArthur scores his first NHL goal. He’s expectedly adorable, jumping into the boards and all that jazz. What’s unexpectedly adorable is how Vanek seems just as excited, giving the General a huge hug and a noogie through his helmet. And he spares some love for Kaleta, too, who got an assist on the play. Please, please don’t change him, $10 million, because I love this Thomas.

Third Period
19:18 Gerber soaks up a Briere shot, and Jim deems him “shaky.” Jim, if not giving up 40-foot rebounds makes one shaky, what does that make Emery? Tremorous? Chihuahua-esque? The goaltender equivalent of those wind-up chattering teeth?
17:33 Roy’s in the box again! After he paws Heatley to the ice (which Jim generously calls “finishing his check”), Spezza goes after him. Just when I think we may be seeing some of this Ottawa “uniting as a team” business that this game is supposed to be chock full of, Spezza just skates up and assily pokes Derek in the back of the legs. Roy almost kills himself trying to check him, and then Spezza knocks him down with a swipe of his arm. Hey Jason, go pick on someone your own size! Like, say, Adam Mair. (Heh heh heh) (Actually, fact-checking tells me Spezza’s the larger of that pairing, too. Damn, he’s an even bigger pussy than I thought.)
16:38 Kalinin sticks with the rebound Gerber (honest to God, I just typed “Emery” without thinking and had to change it) gives him and slams it home on the second try. His goal celebration looks like that of a paraplegic. Come on, Dmitri, show a little excitement!
13:38 Wow, this Ottawa power play is incredibly good at looking like complete shit and then, at the last second, pulling it together and getting a goal. A Redden shot deflects off of, we’re told, Numminen, and Miller just missed making the save.
11:42 There’s something black on the ice. I’m sure it’s either a helmet or a glove, but for all Google video tells me, it’s three or four pixels. And yes, this game has gotten as boring as you think it has if I’m talking about random things lying around on the ice.
11:35 Maybe I spoke too soon. Soupy looks mildly entertaining as he rockets in out of nowhere to drop a huge hit against the boards, only to completely miss the guy, and end up dumping himself on the ice.
11:00 Mair (Lock up your Spezzas, he’s back!) levels a huge check on Fisher a shade too late, because he’s already scored. I know I should probably be pissed about how easily the Sabres just gave up that two-goal lead, but honestly, with four call-ups and a short bench? I’m just happy we’re still in this game.
8:22 Man, I don’t know if it’s the game, or if I’m just burnt out, but I have nothing to say. Um… the mysterious black object has been cleared from the ice without me finding out what it was. How enthralling!
7:04 Jim informs those just tuning in that back in the second period captain Chris Drury was “cut open,” and he breaks off before he can finish his thought: “He was cut open and inside… inside we found… no, no it’s too foul, I can’t say it. We found... the heart of a… of a Ranger!” (Hey, does anyone know where I can find the fucking phone?)
4:44 The Sens go scoreless on a pretty kick-ass power play. I’m sensing a pattern, here.
3:18 Kelly goes to the box for being near Soupy while he tripped himself doing a spin-o-rama. He seems less upset than I would think, but maybe it’s because he knows we’re just going to use this next two minutes to pussy-foot around.
1:18 The power play says “I’ll see that pussy-footing, and raise you a game of dump and chase! In the wrong direction.”
0:00 Hank hit the goal post in the last minute of play, but the hockey gods have decreed this one is going to overtime.

Overtime
2:58 Has some Sen stolen Toni’s Thrash Metal powers? Because Vanek gets tripped up spectacularly at the blue line, and everyone pretends it didn’t happen.
1:56 Briere does a wide circle behind the net before coming out in front and firing the puck in the direction of the net. The Sens defense is still in “protect the goalie at all costs” mode, though, so it doesn’t get through. Shortly after, Danny’s taken down violently in the corner, and again there’s no call. Hey, he’s the only captain we’ve got left (for now), so if he’s not bleeding he better get the hell up.
1:32 Right after yet another Sabre (Ryan) goes flying, Briere is called for a teeny tiny hook. I’m not usually one to complain about the referees,--especially not retroactively--but this is kind of bullshit. Danny agrees, and sprays the inside of the penalty box glass with his water bottle. Oh, you rebel!
0:00 Miller has to make two big saves on Heatley, but other than that, it’s all face-off wins and clears for Buffalo as we head to the shoot out. Woo…

Shootout
--Before we get on with the action, MSG shows clips from Buffalo’s last game, a shootout loss against the Bruins. I remember this one--it went to sixteen frames with no one getting a goal until one finally dribbled in past Miller. I showed up to a party late and absolutely steamed because of that shootout. I wasn’t much fun. It was so unjust. I saw every minute of that game, but completely missed this one because of rehearsal. Ugh.
1^st Shot: Briere dekes and, with plenty of room to poke the puck in, banks it off the side of the net. Hello, Flyer Special Numero Dos.
2^nd Shot: Vermette tries to shoot through a five hole that doesn’t exist. Physics happens. It doesn’t work.
3^rd Shot: Gerber gets a piece of Vanek’s shot, and deflects it up into the mesh. Well, that saves the fans from the “Do I throw my hat, or don’t I?” trouble, at least.
4^th Shot: Miller is the picture of patience as he blocker-saves McAmmond’s attempt.
5^th Shot: Pommer almost false-starts, such is his eagerness. And then he either shoots it wide or hits the goal post. Or Gerber saves it. Google video's pixels aren’t going to tell me.
6^th Shot: Comrie fakes about faking, but Miller gets his blocker on it again.
7^th Shot: Staffy forehand-backhands his way into Buffalo’s heart as he lofts the puck over Gerber. (“You Forehand-Backhanded Your Way Into My Heart,” the new hit single from Red Seal Peach, coming soon!)
8^th Shot: Miller makes a snappy glove save on Fisher, and then does his best impression of a helicopter to celebrate. The victorious Sabres form one big, wriggly mass at center ice, and there are head-butts and noogies for everyone. Aw!

Okay, this was a bitch of a diary to write. There was the pissy TiFaux thing, the Google video thing, the breaking of my laptop's power cord thing, and then the Word erasing everything after the first period and putting it somewhere where I'll never get it back thing. I'm surprised I made it through alive. (And yet, impossibly, I still enjoyed myself. I'm weird like that.) This is also the last game diary posted from the state of New York, because Wednesday I go back to school! Yay, back to school! Hockey's coming!

Next week (which was so long ago that I can't actually remember when it was), the Buffachester Saberks play the Maple Leafs in Toronto and kick they asses. Who knows how many eons it's going to take me to write this one, so in the meantime, amuse yourselves with these other two brilliant takes on the game. Thanks, Kate and Heather!