Euro 2008: Day 14

Croatia vs. Turkey

1 - 1
1 - 3 (p)

Just so you know, Croatian for "Are you choking?" is "Jesu te gušenje?" Man, it has to suck to be Croatian this morning. But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

Yesterday Vienna was teeming with Turkish and Croatian fans alike, and we knew the fan mile was going to be a veritable war zone, so we opted to go to a bar to watch the game instead. It was a good choice, mostly because if I had had to stand and watch that game, I'm pretty sure my legs would have given out from boredom long before it was over. At some point during the game I decided I was tentatively rooting for Croatia, based on their jerseys, their superior cuteness, and the fact that so many Croats had driven to Vienna to see the game. I thought they deserved to see a win for their troubles. But as the game wore on--and on--I found myself hoping that someone, anyone, would just score already. There were some close calls, mostly by Croatia, but they always ended up with someone hitting the crossbar, or falling down before heading the ball, or some other such nonsense. It was pretty frustrating. So it ended up going into overtime, which should have been exciting, except that it wasn't. It was just more of the same boring game. Finally, after 119 minutes of play, the Croatians scored with just under two minutes left in the second and final overtime. It was a bit of a haphazard play, but it worked. The Turkish goalie came out of his net to play the ball, not knowing that a Croatian player was coming up behind him. The Croat ended up getting the ball away from him, and centering a pass, which was headed in before the goalie could get back in his net. We all cheered, more from relief than from actual excitement, thinking that the game was finally over. Unfortunately, soccer overtime isn't sudden death, so we still had a couple of minutes left to play. It seemed like just a formality, just another way to punish us with this never-ending game. But then it happened. With literally a second left in the game (actually, pretty much negative time left in the game, since we were in the stoppage time of the overtime period), Turkey somehow scored. I never actually saw how it went in, because I was too busy laughing that it had actually happened. Croatia, and all the Croatian fans in the crowd, were completely stunned.

So I got my first taste of penalty kicks last night, and let me tell you, it blows. It sucks even harder than hockey shootouts, because not only is it a competition based on individual skill that has nothing to do with the 120 minutes of team sport played before it, but the keepers really have no shot. At least in hockey, a goaltender has trained extensively to stop scoring situations similar to a shootout goal (breakaways, etc.), but in soccer it's basically a guessing game. A keeper has to choose if he's going to jump right or left before the ball is even kicked, if he wants any chance at saving the shot. And since he's not allowed to leave the goal line until the ball is touched, it's not at all how he would try to defend that situation in the course of game play. It's pretty bullshit. On the other hand, I understand that soccer games can't go on indefinitely, and in the case of last night's game, I'm glad they do come to an end sometimes.

That being said, Croatia really has no one to blame but themselves for how they choked in the penalties. Their first and third shooters completely missed the net (which, as a hockey fan, I find impossible--it's so big!), and their last attempt was saved to give Turkey, who had made all of their penalty kicks, the victory.

[Getty Images]

The whole thing made me wonder if Croatia is really just a neighborhood of Buffalo that I've never been to, because it was the kind of last-second heartbreak that would be right at home alongside Wide Right, the Forward Lateral, and Jay McKee's leg. Even though I was very neutral through most of this game, I feel especially bad for the Croatians today, because I can appreciate what it feels like to, in the span of five minutes, go from this:

My brother's Doppelgänger, after scoring.
[Getty Images]

To this:

Aw, cheer up, Dan. You're not even really Croatian.
[Getty Images]

So that's it. Germany's going to be playing Turkey, the team that refuses to die, in the semifinals on Wednesday. They certainly have a taste for the last-minute dramatics (winning 2-1 in the stoppage time against Switzerland, coming from two goals down to win 3 - 2 against Czech Republic), but here's hoping Germany can put an end to that. Also, here's hoping everyone in Berlin stays safe. It's gonna get intense.

Euro 2008: Day 10

Austria vs Germany

0 - 1

Poland vs Croatia

0 - 1

Today's the day! The day we find out who's moving on from Group B, and it's still pretty much up for grabs. Croatia is definitely in, but no one is technically out yet, though Germany has the best chance of moving on. If they beat Austria, regardless of what happens in the other game, they'll be in. Austria needs to beat Germany, and for Croatia to beat Poland. Poland will need to beat Croatia and for Austria to beat Germany, and then some goal differential stuff to work out. Poland is definitely the long shot, here. Hopefully neither of these games end in a tie, because thinking about ties makes my head hurt.

If I had to guess, I would say that Croatia is going to beat Poland, and then it won't matter, anyway, because Germany will beat Austria. That is, if they decide to actually start playing something resembling soccer this time. And, actually, even if they don't, they would still probably win, since Austria is a team full of Thomas Vanek's who can't score to save their lives. Schweinsteiger will have to sit out due to the red card he got last game, but luckily, despite having a painful cyst on his foot a few days ago, German Derek Roy has been cleared to play tonight. It would really suck for the Germans to lose their only goal scorer so far this tournament. Also, it would mean I wouldn't be able to hear one of my favorite chants: Lu, Lu, Lu! Lukas Podolski!

The fan mile is going to be INSANE tonight, and I can't wait. Even though I do love Austria, and feel bad that they haven't won a game, my heart's pretty much made up it's mind on this one: Auf geht's Deutschland, schiess ein Tor! Schiess ein Tor! Schiess ein Tooo-ooo-ooor!

Update:

The crew.

Okay, I said the fan mile was going to be insane, and I was right. We all got there at around 5:30, over three hours before the start of the Germany/Austria game, and it was PACKED. Even the streets outside the various entrances were teeming with fans. Since we were all decked out in Germany gear, we got our share of heckling from the fans in red and white, but nothing really got started, mostly because we have no idea how to react to heckling in German so it was easier to just ignore it. Actually, we were all way more familiar with the Austrian chants, which created a bit of a problem, because we had to resist the urge to join in. They're just so damn catchy! There was a fair share of Germany fans chanting outside, too, so we got a chance to practice before we went in. We spent the time before the game hanging out in a park, playing cards and drinking way-too-expensive white wine spritzers. (Yes, I'm pretty sure Austria is the only country where it's perfectly acceptable to drink white wine spritzer at a sporting event. Even if you're a guy.) It became increasingly apparent that we weren't going to be able watch the game from the main section of the fan mile, where we'd watched all of the other games so far. Even if we were able to push our way into the crowd, which was almost impossible. We were pretty much guaranteed to not be able to see the screen. So we decided to go to the part of the fan mile that was almost always deserted, where it was still crowded, but not uncomfortably so.

Sadly, the game didn't really match the intensity of the atmosphere. Germany didn't play like shit again, but they didn't dominate the way everyone knew they could, either. Austria had a few close calls, but they continued the tradition of not really knowing where the net was. The Germans were having a bit of trouble, too, though. Their one goal was off of a Ballack free kick from just outside the penalty box, which arced around the Austrian wall and just out of the reach of the goalkeeper. It was a gorgeous shot that went in clean and untouched. At another point, a German player got in alone on the goaltender, only to have the play called, bogusly, offside. It would have almost certainly been a goal, and it was made possible by a neat little backwards kick by Lukas Podolski, who, by the way, is probably my favorite player in this tournament now.

Arguing with the ref: He really is the German Derek Roy.
[Getty Images]

He was all over the place in that game. He's a striker, which is the forward-iest of the forward positions, but there were a couple of times that he was all the way back in his own corner defending an Austrian attacker, and doing a pretty awesome job, too. I don't really know much about the responsibilities of the different positions, so I don't know if it's unusual for a striker to do that or not, but I was sure impressed. He also has this great, booming shot that's dangerous from pretty much anywhere on the field, and he can create plays as well as he can shoot. He's pretty cool to watch. That's why I'm terrified to read that he may not be available to play in Germany's quarterfinal game, due to some calf pain that was bothering him in the second half of the Austria game. (Geez, first a cyst on his foot, now pain in his calf? I really hope he's not the German Tim Connolly, too.) Werd besser, Lukas! Bitte!

Hands down the best part of the game, outside of the goal, which was more relieving than exciting, was when both the German and the Austrian coaches got kicked out of the game at the same time. No one really knows what happened, but they were arguing with one of the officials, and then they were both suddenly dismissed. It was pretty cool to see them very reluctantly leave their benches, and then shake hands in a show of bad-boy solidarity as they left the field.

So, that's it. Our first two quarterfinal matches are set: Croatia vs Turkey, and Germany vs Portugal. Damn, Germany, that's going to be tough. You better wake up.

Euro 2008: Day 6

Croatia vs Germany

2 - 1

Austria vs Poland

1 - 1

It's been split into the winners and the losers again, which can only mean one thing: the winner of the first game will definitely be in, and the loser of the second game will definitely be out. (I'm pretty sure.) Drama! Clearly, I'm going for Germany and Austria, here. Croatia may be my new crush, but Germany and I are the real deal. Also, I'm really looking forward to joining all the Austrians on the fan mile and learning/using some cool new cheers. Hopefully they put on a good show.

Update: Well, last night started out awful, stayed awful in the middle, and then ended quite jubilantly! The quarterfinal picture just got so complicated I can't even handle it, though. Croatia is definitely in, but none of the other three remaining teams are technically out, yet, though there are varying degrees of probability for each team getting in. But I'm going to put off thinking about that until the next batch of games comes around.

Boy howdy did Germany play like shit last night. I mean, if I, who barely knows anything about football, can tell that you're all piles of puke, you know it's bad. There's not really much more I can say than that. They couldn't complete a pass, they couldn't find the goal, and they couldn't defend anything either. It was pretty ugly.

Even Ballack's hair didn't bring its A-game.
[Getty Images]

It wasn't until the last ten minutes that they started showing signs of life, when German Derek Roy struck again to make it 2-1, but showing up for the last ten minutes isn't going to win you games, just ask the Sabres. At least it allowed the German fans, of which there were many on the fan mile, to get back into it. For a while the only sound was the chanting of the Croatia fans in front of us "Deutschland, Deutschland, auf Wiedersehen!" and "Deutschland, Deutschland, alles ist vorbei!" (Germany, goodbye and Germany, it's all over. A bit melodramatic and premature, but I have to give them points for chanting in German. Although then they began trying to start fights in the crowd, so I'd rather not give them any points.) The only other moment worth mentioning was when Schweinsteiger (whose name, I've been told, can also be translated as "pig mounter," which is beyond unfortunate) took a red card in the final moments of the game. Since it's impossible to see the nuances of penalties on the big screen in real time when the camera uses such a wide shot, the German fans, of course, started complaining about the call right away, having not seen what he did. It was really funny watching the replay of Schweinsteiger and some Croatian player falling down in the corner while the Germans behind me yelled "Was, denn?!" (What, then?), and then when Schweinie got up and basically tackled the Croat to the ground, there was a collective feeling of "Oh. Right. That." in the crowd. Anyway, I was especially disappointed by this loss, because it means that both Germany and Austria can't go on, like I wanted them to. If Germany had won this game, I would have been free to root for Austria to win on Monday, but now I'm going to have to choose. This sucks. Stupid Germany.

For the second game, the fan mile was more packed than ever, which obviously makes sense. The whole thing was a mess of red and white, which was a bit of a problem, since at first glance it was hard to tell the difference between an Austrian fan and a Polish fan. Especially when they're all chanting in unintelligible language. Anyway, it got easier to recognize the Austrians in the first ten minutes or so, since they were the ones groaning loudly and saying "Das gibt's ja nicht!" ("That can't be!") over and over again. The Austrian team came out of the gate flying. They went after the ball, forced turnovers and completely dominated play, keeping consistent pressure on the Polish defense and, on a number of occasions, forced their way through to a perfect scoring position. And yet, they couldn't score to save their lives. Seriously, it should have been 4-0 in the first ten minutes, but the Austrians just kept getting so close and then screwing it up at the last second, shooting wide of an empty net, or kicking it right to goalie on a two-on-one. As reflected by all the cries of disbelief from the Austrian crowd, it was impossible that they weren't scoring. It was like watching a team full of Thomas Vaneks. It must be an Austrian thing. Of course, since Austria was failing to capitalize on the mistakes of the Polish defense, that meant that they eventually made a mistake, and the Poles did capitalize on it. Poland scored on a shot that the Austrian goaltender just failed to get, and that pretty much deflated them and their attack retreated after that. Then the game got pretty boring. Nothing much happened at all until the last three minutes of stoppage time, when Austria drew a penalty in the box. By this time, my view of the screen was pretty impeded (which I hadn't even really noticed, since nothing worthwhile was happening), and I thought they had scored, based on the crowd's reaction. I still never saw the actual penalty (I'm told it was kind of a dive, but what isn't in soccer?), and I only barely saw the shot. I was just praying they weren't going to somehow screw up this golden opportunity, too, and luckily they didn't. The crowd exploded when they scored, and, a few minutes later, when the game officially ended, the Austrians took to the streets, yelling and chanting and singing. I'm pretty sure it's the most excited anyone's been about a tie since someone invented this:

Doesn't it make you want to celebrate?

So, the next Group B games should be interesting.

Euro 2008: Day 2

Austria vs Croatia

0 - 1

Germany vs Poland
2 - 0

Stupidly, my friends and I scheduled an overnight trip to Budapest today, so I won't be able to watch the first batch of games of the group I'm most looking forward to seeing. I'm super excited to go to Budapest, but it's unfortunate that the trip had to overlap with these games, because I'm starting to form a major crush on Croatia, and would love to see them play Austria, especially after seeing about a million of their fans last night. But anyway, there's nothing I can do, and maybe it's a blessing in disguise because I would probably invariably end up feeling bad for whoever loses that game. As for Germany vs Poland, Polish pierogies are heavenly, but I'm rooting for Germany all the way.

I'm not sure what time I'll be back in Vienna tomorrow, but it will probably be late enough that I'll miss those games, as well. So look for an update on Group C after the fact. In the meantime I'm going to fill the empty space of my absence with a picture of a bar down the street from my dorm:


Last week it was called "Charlie P's Irish Pub" and was painted Celtic green and gold. I think Vienna might be finally starting to get into it.

Update: Okay, it seems I severely underestimated the extent to which Europe is obsessed with this tournament. Not only were the games playing in Budapest, but I actually got to see more of them than of the Group A games. I don't have any pictures this time, unless you guys want to see the millions of pictures I took of the Chain Bridge (warning: no actual chains involved), which I'm sure you don't, but I do have comments anyway:

We managed to get a table at a cute little Hungarian restaurant right in front of a big, sharp HD TV in time for the first game. My veal stew was delicious, but unfortunately the game wasn't quite as satisfying. By the time we got there, it was already about 30 minutes in and Croatia was up 1-0. I was pretty equally delighted and dismayed by this (Croatia is, after all, my crush team), until I actually saw the goal. It was a penalty kick as the result of what appeared to be a pretty weak call on a trip in the penalty box, and to make matters worse, it involved what appear to be the only non-cute Croats on the entire team (one flopped around grossly to draw the penalty, and the other actually took the shot). Seriously, they are almost painfully cute. Even their coach is a doll. Of course, the Austrians proved to hold their own in the cuteness department as well, which was a nice realization. Particularly eye-catching was one Martin Harnik, who looks a bit like a weasel, but a cute one. (The internet is not providing me with acceptable pictures of these people, otherwise I'd be posting them here.) Croatia definitely wins out in the jersey design competition, though, hands down. Even if the Croatia jerseys weren't the coolest thing since sliced bread, the numbers on the back of the Austrian jerseys are all pixelated and make it look like your TV's resolution is bad, even when it's not. I'm not a fan. Anyway, I was forced to pay attention to things like this because the game itself wasn't the most compelling. It looked, to my untrained eye, very sloppy, with abundances of imprecise passing and major misses of the net by both teams. Still, Austria put on a lot of pressure, especially in the final minutes, and got some good close chances, and I couldn't help but feel pissed off on their behalf that they had to end up losing the game--on their own soil, no less--on such a crappy goal. By the way, there was absolutely no sign of my brother's Doppelgänger, which was another disappointment.

Luckily, the Germans put on a good show and helped wash away that bad football taste. By the time the game started, Hannah, Alice, and I were checked into our hostel and watching on the communal TV there. It was great, because instead of the Hungarian broadcast we had earlier, we were somehow getting a German TV station. And, unlike the broadcasts of the games at the fan mile in Vienna, it was in actual, understandable German and not Austrian. After Germany scored their first goal, however, we realized we were the only people in the room who cared, and decided to go in search of a sports bar for a better atmosphere. We came to a bar stuffed with Germany fans just as the second half was starting, and found a tiny table in the corner. We kind of had to twist around and crane our necks to see the big screen, but it worked out okay. At the very least, it was great to be able to celebrate Germany's second goal in the proper fashion, instead of just politely cheering. The game was delightful. The two goals were both scored by Lukas Podolski, a half-Pole (drama!) who I've decided reminds me of Derek Roy. He's small-ish (the Euro Cup website tells me he's 182 cm, or about 5'11", so he's not really Roy-sized, but he is considerably smaller than most of the other German players), feisty, and was consistently roughed-up and manhandled all night. That just has Roy written all over it. His two goals were the result of some really fantastic workman-like dismantling of the Polish defense, which in the first case ended with two Germans against just the Polish goalie, who had no chance as Podolski easily knocked it in. Also, if you squint just right, he kind of looks like Roy-Z.

I wonder if Bedazzlers exist in Germany.

On the other hand, he also seems like a sweetheart, and I'm sorry, Derek, you know I love you, but of all the words I would use to describe you, "sweetheart" is not one of them. Podolski admitted to having "mixed feelings" on scoring twice against the country he was born in, and he didn't celebrate either goal. At the end of the match he even traded jerseys with the Polish player Lewandowski, which was adorable.

Approval.

Anyway, I'm glad I didn't miss these games, and look forward to Thursday when Group B plays again. The fan mile should be jumping!

Idiot's Guide to UEFA Euro 2008: Group B

The UEFA Euro Cup (also known by about a billion other names like the European Football Championship, Euro 2008, or die Euro or die EM if you're speaking German) is a competition consisting of 16 teams, split up into four groups of four. In the early rounds of the tournament, the teams from each group compete amongst themselves and the top two finishers go on to play in the quarter finals. The 2008 schedule looks like this. I've spent the past couple of days getting to know the teams a little bit, and here's what I've found out.

Group B - Austria, Croatia, Germany, Poland

Austria

"Hosted By Losers" - That pretty much says it all.
[Der Spiegel]

What I think: My recent reaction to the apathy of the Viennese didn't really tell the whole story of my feelings about Austria. Though it's true I preferred Berlin, Vienna has it's own charms. First of all, there's Wiener Schnitzel which is almost delicious enough to make me stop missing the Döner in Berlin (almost), and a national obsession with a meal called "Coffee and Cake" can never be a bad thing. Plus, for a theater and German nut, like myself, who wants to see theater in German, it's pretty much the perfect place. I just want to see the city get a little riled up, that's all. And since the easiest way for that to happen is for them to win a few games, I'm fully behind team Austria.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Macho, Prödl, Fuchs, Ivanschitz
The outlook: It's not too good. Austria has never qualified for the finals of the Euro Cup before, ever. And I'm not entirely sure how the qualifying works, but I think they may have just gotten a free pass in this time because they're hosting. The tournament website tells me they've only played friendly matches leading up to the finals, which certainly makes it sound like they bypassed the whole qualifying thing. They didn't qualify for the 2006 World Cup either, so they remain essentially untested in competitive international play, but who knows how home field advantage could spark their game. The Germany/Austria game (on June 16th) is going to be huge, and if Austria wins, look out. Despite the not-so-encouraging evidence, coach Josef Hickersberger (heh) remains convinced that his team will flourish in the role of host and will make the quarterfinals. I'm hopeful, but, looking at the rest of Group B, less than convinced.

Croatia

Ivan Klasnić - Wait a second, what's my brother doing playing
for the Croatian national team?
[Getty Images]

What I think: Seriously, that picture looks just like my brother (minus the weird facial hair), and it's freaking me out. I wish I had an appropriate comparison photo to throw up here and make you all see it, but I don't, so you'll just have to take my word for it. Anyway. The Croats have been a pleasant epiphany for me. I've always wanted to visit Dubrovnik, but other than that I didn't really have much knowledge of Croatia. A preliminary perusal of their team photos has me convinced that they're all very cute buttons, and their red-and-white checkered jerseys (not featured in the above photo) are really quite pleasing. I'm inclined to cheer for Team Croatia.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Srna, Runje, Rakitić
The outlook: Phew, it seems my sudden, unexpected crush on the Croats might not be doomed, as the website assures me that they are "packing a mean punch." They certainly whirled through the qualifying round, only losing one game, and clinching their place atop their qualifying group with one game to spare. They're also the ones to thank for saving Vienna from those pesky English, as they defeated them in their final game 3-2 and ended their hopes of qualifying. They're coming off of consecutive defeats in the group stages of Euro 2004 and the 2006 World Cup, but this time around they're looking delightfully juggernauty. Let's see if they can keep it up. I'm certainly hoping they can.

Germany

Michael Ballack - Hey, I remember this guy, too!
[Getty Images]

What I think: In all the World Cups I've seen, Germany has been my default team to cheer for, and I don't see that changing for the Euro. I'm a big fan of their language, their food, and their capital. Why wouldn't I be a fan of their football team, too? And if Cristiano Ronaldo is the face of the tournament I'll never forget, Michael Ballack is the name I'll never forget. During the 2002 World Cup, which I watched in Hamburg (Germany, not WNY), "Ballack" was one of the few words I could understand amid the mess of German commentary. (At the time I was still learning Spanish.) And for some reason my family and I spent much of the Germany games of the 2006 World Cup just saying "Ballack" over and over again in progressively exaggerated German accents. It's been pretty beaten into my brain.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Schweinsteiger (not only does it sound funny, in German it means "pig climber"), Frings, Hitzlsperger, Odonkor
The outlook: Germany's the most successful team in Euro Cup history, having won the Cup three times, in '72 and '80 as West Germany, and in '96 as reunified Germany. They're a perennial powerhouse when it comes to international football, and will be looking to accomplish what they failed to do in 2006 when they hosted the World Cup. I know it was two years ago, but I expect they'll still be riding a wave of their fans' World-Cup related excitement coming into the Euro. It was kind of a big deal for the Germans. As far as their qualification games went, they were pretty all over the place. They were the first team to qualify for the finals, but ultimately finished second in their group to the Czechs (I'm not sure how that works, but that's what the website is telling me). At one point they beat San Marino 13-0, and at another they lost to the Czech Republic 0-3. I'm sure they'll bring their best game to Austria, though, and shouldn't have a problem making it to the quarterfinals.

Poland

Polish Fans - They're pretty hardcore.
[Getty Images]

What I think: Yet another Group B team I could see myself rooting for, based solely on the fact that Krakow was, outside of Berlin, the best city I visited during my European trip. (Yes, it was better than Paris.) The city was beautiful and yet somehow (unlike Prague) mostly devoid of tourists, the beer was tasty, the pierogies were worship-worthy, and the streets filling with hundreds of football fans and riot police was exhilarating. I would definitely go back if I had the chance. My experience in Krakow was enough reason for me to wish Team Poland well.
Jerseys I would consider buying just for the sake of having the name on my back: Kuszczak, Wawrzyniak, Dudka, Błaszczykowski
The outlook: Like Austria, Poland will be appearing in their first ever Euro Cup finals this year, but unlike Austria, they at least got there honestly. They came out on top of the only qualifying group that contained eight teams instead of seven, with Portugal as their runners-up, due to a strong performance by striker Euzebiusz Smolarek and a six-game winning streak. They lost out in the first stage of the 2006 World Cup to Germany and Ecuador, but they should be able to ride the momentum of their qualification wins and the passion of their fans and make this Group B interesting.

Coming Soon: Groups C and D!