Number 48

It's come to my attention that certain Sabres fans out there are just now deciding to set aside their feelings of goodwill towards Danny Briere. I would ask these people where they've been for the last four years, but I'm sure they're not part of my audience (because no one is).

Seriously, people still like this guy? Really, her? I mean, I understand not wishing his career would go up in overhyped, overrated, overpaid flames like I for one did when Chris Drury left. (And, man, is it just me or is that working out like gangbusters?) After all, it's pretty clear by now that Briere wanted to stay with the Sabres but the feeling just wasn't mutual. No matter what we personally felt about keeping him, we're forced to accept that this one is on us. But to my mind, that entitles him to be spared jokes about him eating his own boogers and not much else. If Briere the Sabre was your absolute favorite player, I can see spending a season or two pining and getting nostalgic whenever he visited, but four years is just excessive.

Setting aside for the moment that he's a Flyer now, he's just a very unlikeable player to play against. He's a creative, skilled little punk who won't pass up a chance to score a goal, draw a penalty or throw a slightly cheap shot behind the play. Sure, these are all things that made him a great player to root for when he played for us, but the thing is he doesn't play for us, so not only are we not obligated to like him for all those reasons, it just wouldn't make logical sense. Why would you want your competition's best players to do anything but disappear?

Plus, you know... HE'S A FLYER NOW. If the Flyers-Sabres history isn't enough to turn your stomach, then that putrid shade of orange sure should be. There's only one player who I managed not to despise for donning that color, and I don't think anyone will ever again be able to duplicate the perfect storm of lovable personality and somewhat hapless hockey skills of Marty Biron. As it was, it was tough separating my love for Marty from my hatred for everyone else around me, and if he had been just a bit more of a goaltending threat, I'm not sure I would have been able to manage it. (On a side note: I had totally forgotten until I just googled that Biron is part of the Rangers system, now. I'm sure my brain intentionally misplaced that information to save me from having to reconcile that disparity of affection. In fact, I think it best if I vow never to think of it again.) Point being: Danny Briere ≠ Marty Biron, and I don't see the point of liking a Flyer who is not Marty Biron.

Fortunately, I only have to address myself to the fans in this matter, as the players seem to be getting it right (see above). It's been far from perfect, but I have very few complaints about this series as we head into Game Three in Buffalo, and I want to see us give number 48 in orange our most ruthless reception.

TL;DR: If I were in charge of the music in HSBC tonight, this song would be getting a spin:

Freaky Friday

Well, that was an odd game. Something about playing on a Friday afternoon apparently sends the Sabres into bizarro world. It was an entertaining, emotional, and hard-fought win, but it rarely made any sense. Here are some unorganized thoughts:

-This game was the very picture of inconsistency. One minute both teams looked fundamentally unfamiliar with the game of hockey, as things like creating pressure and maintaining puck possession seemed to elude them, and the next minute Tim Connolly was firing a perfectly placed shot past Emery, or Drew Stafford was maneuvering around him and his defenders like they were pylons. (By the way, was I the only one who thought there was something familiar about the way Emery tried to stop that first goal? [There you go, Mom, consider that your Pommer praise for the day.]) I spent a good portion of the game confused about what exactly I was watching, but it seemed that every time I was about to comment that the Sabres looked incompetent, they managed to pull a goal or some other smart play out of thin air. Very disconcerting.

-Inconsistency was the name of the game with the officials, as well, although that's not really anything new. Still, in a game that certainly needed a lot of enforced discipline, the refs seemed to invent tripping penalties out of nothing, and downplay actual dangerous plays. On the one hand Kaleta gets a major and a game misconduct for a hit that looked more unfortunate than malicious, and on the other hand Richards gets a mere two minutes for popping Myers' helmet off with the blade of his stick like it was a bottle cap. Not to mention the clear high-sticking incident later in the game when the Flyer player (I admit I don't remember who was involved) dutifully took himself to the box only to be told he wasn't receiving a penalty. I'm not one for blaming officials for the outcome of a game, and I'm doing that here (not least of all because I don't have any outcome to complain about), but I do think the officials have a duty to dictate the rules in a coherent way, and they were doing a rather haphazard job of that last night.

-About that Kaleta hit. Despite the way I characterized it, I have no problem with the call. As far as I'm concerned, any hit from behind into the boards should always earn a game ejection, just because that's too dangerous a situation to be ambivalent about. But I do wonder about placing all of the blame for such hits squarely on the hitter. I'm not saying the hittee should be assessed a penalty, but it seems pretty clear to me that Ross put himself in danger by turning into the boards when he felt someone bearing down on him. For Kaleta's part, it looked like he committed to the check just as Ross was turning, and while he may have been able to slow up (having never played hockey, I can't really say), I don't think it was his intention to hit Ross from behind. But by rightfully taking gray-area intention out of the equation, the refs have created a troubling scenario where players can get an opponent ejected from the game with just a well-timed pirouette. I'm not sure I have a remedy for that situation, except to hope that no one is dumb enough to let the promise of a five minute power play tempt them into a potentially career- not to mention brain-damaging position.

-As for the Richards/Myers incident, I can't see why that wasn't as clear a cut-and-dry call. Maybe a game misconduct would have been a little extreme, but I would have liked to see at least a major penalty called. Intentional or not, it was more dangerous than your average high sticking, and I wanted a punishment that fit the crime. If the refs intended to send the message with the Kaleta call, they mised the opportunity to send one there as well. Control your body; control your stick. It's pretty simple.

-Even without the rough and tumble play--not to mention the flaring tempers and rash of scrums--there was plenty of accidental mayhem to go around. Taking a shot to the face is never good, but I imagine a one-timed slapshot is the worst kind to get: apparently loss-of-seven-teeth, gain-of-seventy-five-stitches kind of bad. Likewise, heading feet-first into the boards is never a good way to go, but Rivet's looked especially bad, even before the replay was shown. Fortunately Rivet seems to have siphoned off some of Vanek's feet-first-into-the-boards luck, as his injury isn't as severe as it initially seemed. Which is certainly good news, considering my dad's professional opinion after seeing the replay was that Rivet had blown out his knee if nothing else. Too bad it doesn't look like Gaustad will be as lucky.

-It was an ugly game all around, even in the intermission, when Tim Kennedy ruined a perfectly adorable father-son piece by refusing to wear his teeth. Here's a hint, Tim, if the occasion seems to call for a suit, it generally calls for you to not have big gaps in your mouth. The least you could have done was worn a black suit to at least try to coordinate.

Tonight's the first time since coming home that I'll be able to watch a game in real time and in HD, and it'll be the last time before I return to the pixellated hockey wasteland that is Minnesota. So here's hoping the Sabres can manage a pretty one tonight, for me and for my relatives that will be attending the game. And I'm assuming it will have to be the Sabres who bring the pretty, if the Hurricanes are as bad as I've heard. Let's not give them their first road win tonight, Sabres, ok? Ok.

NHL Playoffs are Boring, Unavailable

My internet connection has been extra-finicky lately, and my schedule extra-packed, so my viewing time of these Conference Finals has totaled just about one-and-a-half periods of Game 1 of Detroit versus Dallas. Judging by some of the reactions of disinterested fans that I've been reading, I haven't been missing much. I came back from Krakow with the Final matchup more or less decided, both Detroit and Pittsburgh sitting on 3-0 leads over their opponents. Sure, both Dallas and Philadelphia have won a game since then, and there's still technically a chance they could pull their respective series out (if it has to be one of them, please please please let it be the Stars), but I find myself longing for first round, when there was still some semblance of parity at work. Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing the Pens sweep the Sens, but hard-fought, seven-game series are what the Stanley Cup Playoffs are all about, and with each passing game it's looking more and more like this year's Cup already has the Genetically Engineered Superhumans' names stamped on it. (Stars and/or Pens, feel free to prove me wrong.) So what's a Sabres fan overseas without any reliable internet streaming or captivating playoff hockey to do?

Luckily, Europe has the answer for me: UEFA Euro 2008

The summer of 2006, my first off-season as a hockey fan, I was saved from obsessively following contract moves and listening to the general belly-aching of the Buffalo fanbase (something I masochistically subjected myself to the following summer), in part by obsessivlt watching the World Cup in Germany instead. I'm one of the few Americans who actually admits to finding soccer an entertaining sport to watch, and the World Cup is as good as it gets. Second good as it gets, apparently, is the Euro Cup, which is being co-hosted by Switzerland and Austria this year, with some of the most important games, including the finals, happening right here in Vienna. I got a little taste of what the craziness is going to be like last weekend, when Krakow won the Polish-league title (which they apparently do without playoffs, how lame is that?), and hundreds of soccer fans poured into the streets, carefully supervised by hundreds of riot police in full gear. It was somewhat terrifying, but mostly exhilerating, hearing all of those people clapping and chanting in unison, spontaneously breaking out into Polish songs. So I've decided I'm going to take full advantage of being in the same city as the European soccer championships. What kind of sports fan would I be if I didn't? And what kind of sports blogger would I be if I didn't subject my readers to a sport and an event that they don't really care about? Well, you know me, I'm not going to pass up an opportunity to be a horrible blogger!

The purposefully garish countdown clock to your right says there are only 20 days left until the first game, so that means I have 20 days to beef up my knowledge of European soccer. Luckily the tournament website is built like an idiot's guide, so I'll be able to get to know the teams a little bit beforehand and prepare for the games. Stay tuned for a summary of my findings!

This is going to be fun!

Pop Quiz

Find the twenty-year-old in this picture:

Sid may have thinner facial hair than some women I've seen,

but at least he doesn't look like he wants his mommy.
[Picture from nhl.com]

This is why I love hockey photography. I haven't been able to watch a single second of this series, but I think that picture tells me all I need to know.

While I'm Here...

I don't know if you guys have noticed, but my taste for blogging has recently returned in quasi-full force! It's somewhat puzzling: are my usual prolific tendencies of the off-season hitting me a little bit early this year, or am I just trying to procrastinate on writing this German analysis of stage design in any way possible? Um, for the sake of the sanity of the people who pay for my education and also happen to read this blog, I'd rather not say. (Just kidding, Mom and Dad! That German stage design is so analyzed, it's not even funny.) In any case, I figured since I'm already here, babbling on about blogging, my personal ratings of the Sabres, and Germans I may someday grow to love, I may as well write something about, you know, what's actually happening in the NHL. This thing called the "Playoffs" has just reached a point called the "Conference Finals," and apparently it's some kind of big deal. Man, I feel so separated from the NHL these days, it's like there's an ocean between us, or something. Anyway, let's see what all the fuss is about! (A better blogger than I would have had this up before the games actually started. But I am not, in case you haven't noticed, a better blogger than I, so this will have to do.)

Western Conference Final
First things first, I have to admit that after the Devils succumbed to my bandwagon poison in the first round, the Stars sort of took over where they left off. As a Sabres fan from a Sabres fan family, and someone with pre-teen, PTSD-y memories of No Goal, I'm a little surprised to be rooting for the Stars, but what can I say? 1999 was a long time ago, and they've won me over with their spunky underdog ways. They so kindly got rid of the two teams I most wanted to see gone from the West in their first two rounds, which surprisingly few expected them to do. Unfortunately, I see a problem here. They're playing the Red Wings. Before last night I hadn't seen the Wings play a single game this season, but Detroit's reputation definitely precedes them. One look at their stats and standings for the season tells you that they're a well-oiled hockey machine, and maybe it's mostly the red unis, but I can't help but be reminded of the "Feeling of Futility and Impending DOOM" you're supposed to get looking at the Soviet team in the movie Miracle. In less historically problematic terms, they're the Genetically Engineered Superhuman High of the NHL, and I'm probably going to spend the rest of the series looking for the zipper in Nicklas Lidstrom's belly. So while my heart says Dallas, my head says Detroit. But either way, based on the half-game I saw last night, I think I'm going to enjoy this series, if I continue to be able to watch it. The Wings may not be as endearing as the Stars, but they are good at hockey. And I, despite what my Sabres fandom might say about me, enjoy good hockey. As long as Hasek remains on the bench, that is. Totally uneducated guess of a prediction: Hockey Robots in 6

Eastern Conference Final
Wow, this is weird, isn't it? I know it's kind of "Duh" to point out at this point so deep in the playoffs that the Sabres aren't in it, but I can't help but find it strange to think that there are only four teams left, and the Sabres aren't one of them. It's a little bit heartbreaking, actually. Anyway, a Sabres fan's rooting interests in the Battle of Pennsylvania are clear. (Not that I followed the rules for Sabres fans in the West, but the Stars are far less repulsive than the Flyers.) You may hate the Sidney hype machine, you may think Malkin is a slack-jawed idiot, and you may think "Flower" is the dumbest nickname a grown man has ever willingly endured, but none of that matters because they're playing the Flyers. If their blood lust and dedication to goonery don't make you puke, that shade of orange will. Fortunately for me, I happen to like the Penguins anyway. I adore Sid, and I can't think of a single player on the team whom I outright dislike. Plus, they seem to clearly be the better team in these playoffs. They easily swept the Senators (delightful!), dismissed the Rangers in five (double delightful!), and looked good doing it. Of course, the Sens were a mess and the Rangers were the Jagr Show (I think that pretty much says it all) so we'll have to see how they respond when they're actually challenged. The Flyers, on the other hand, had some trouble getting rid of the Caps, as their first round match-up went to seven games, but seemed to pick up some momentum when they won four straight games to send the Habs packing in five. (I guess. I mean, I didn't watch one second of that series.) And while I'm absolutely in the Pens' camp on this one, I've decided an upset wouldn't be the end of the world after all. Out of the "Three That Got Away" from the Sabres over the past calendar year, Danny Briere is the one I hate the least. (Basically at this point I only hate him because he's a Flyer--unlike Drury, whom I hate for reasons additional to his Rangerness, and Soupy, whom I don't hate for being a Shark [for now] at all. I just hate him for being.) I wouldn't rejoice if he won the Cup, but I probably wouldn't die either. Besides, the Flyers have Marty Biron, who's like this playoff's version of "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass." I've decided that should Philadelphia go on to the Finals, and should they win the Cup, my unconditional love of Marty will be enough to get me through it. Still, I'm going with my heart on this one. Totally uneducated guess of a prediction: Sidguins in 7

It's Pretty Bleak

For a few wild moments there I thought about purchasing the ESPN 360 package to the playoffs (for about 50 Euro, or $75) just to get my dose of hockey in before what is sure to be an endless (even more endless than last year) off-season. I mean, it's playoff hockey, which is pretty much my favorite thing in the world, even if the Sabres aren't playing (sniff). But then I actually took a look at how the playoff picture turned out and decided... it's not for me. Being in Europe and being (albeit unwillingly) cut off from hockey for most of the season has saved me a lot of pain so far, so why stop now, when it's almost guaranteed that a team I hate will end up doing well? Why should I subject myself to that, let alone pay for the privilege? No, I decided it was a much better idea to just keep the playoffs in the periphery, satiate my thirst for hockey with boxscores and posts on other blogs. That doesn't mean I'll be observing without a rooting interest, though. Uninformed though I am, I still know which teams I want to win and (more importantly) which teams I want to lose. I'm stating it here for the record that I'm hitching my wagon to the New Jersey Devils' train. (That in itself should be enough to tell you how out of touch with this season I am.) On the one hand, everything I've read over at IPB this year has told me that there's no way in hell that the Devils are going to win it all. On the other hand, the last time I chose to back the Devils once the Sabres were out of the running was back in 2000, so maybe I'm just the good luck charm they need to win another Cup. Either way, the Devils have somehow become the team I like the most in the East, after the Sabres, (this may have much to do with the fact that I never actually watch them play) and that's good enough for me. So how do the rest of my allegiances play out? Let's take a look one match-up at a time.

(Note: As stated, I have paid almost zero attention to the rest of the league this season. Hell, I barely kept up with the Sabres. So none of this information is meant to be taken as a prediction. These are just my gut feelings about who I think should win, in order to bring justice to the universe.)

1. Montreal Canadiens vs. Boston Bruins
I don't think I saw a single game the Sabres played against the Bruins this year, and yet I am totally sick of them. They somehow bring a type of boredom to the game that transcends things like actually watching them play, and the thought of cheering for them almost literally puts me to sleep. That being said, almost everyone around me is totally sold on the Canadiens, and I'm not sure why. Maybe their awesomeness doesn't transcend things like actually watching them play, I don't know. In any case, I can't think of any logical reason not to cheer for them, so Go Habs! I guess.

2. Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Ottawa Senators
I have a brain, ergo, Go Pens! Okay, really, the Senators make me sick. This ocean between us hasn't done anything to lessen that effect. Maybe I'm just a sore loser because the Sens played a primary role in derailing the first team I ever really, truly, and passionately cared about, but I'm stating here for the record that I will never, ever root for them. I just don't have it in me. That aside, a speedy exit from the playoffs would be just the picture-perfect end to a season that began with every Ottawa fan and half the MSM wanting to just cut the crap and stamp their names on the Cup already. As this year's Superbowl taught me, Schadenfreude attracts my rooting interest like nothing else.

3. Washington Capitals vs. Philadelphia Flyers
The Caps are a problematic team for me. I was perfectly content to cast them aside without a thought while they were still a (mostly) cute nuisance, perennially on the outside looking in on the post-season, but then this year they became impossible to ignore. Ovechkin had a stellar year, which everyone insisted on not shutting up about, to the point where they became increasingly obsessed with the possibility of the Caps making the playoffs, starting in about October. And then when they actually did manage to squeak into 3rd place (How crazy is it that that's possible? The Southeast is such a pit of despair), forget about it. I can't exactly pin down what it is that I don't like about the Caps (I don't exactly hate Ovechkin, though I resent everyone telling me how ecstatic I should be about him making his playoff debut), but one thing is for sure: I liked it a lot better when it was a given that they would suck their way out of the top eight. *Sigh* Luckily for them, they're playing the Flyers in the first round, so I see no choice but to say Go Caps. But I do so begrudgingly. (Sorry, Marty. You know I still love you.)

4. New Jersey Devils vs. New York Rangers

'Nuff said.

I would say stay tuned for the Western Conference edition of Gambler's Random Thoughts on the Playoff Match-Ups, but the truth is I can't be bothered to care. It's not like I ever paid attention to the Western Conference when we actually shared the same continent, anyway. I'll pick a team once we get closer to the Cup, I guess.

Game Diary: Sabres @ Flyers 12/22/07

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! That’s right, it’s Gambler Game Diary time! The time you’ve all been waiting for! Trust me, I can feel how bated your breath has been from here.

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been hearing the siren call of the game diary, and it seems like the stars have finally aligned to make this an optimal opportunity for my first “live” attempt at this. I’m back at the Desperation Homestead for Christmas break before heading off to the Land of Jochen in January, which means I only have a few short days to enjoy my favorite activity of watching Sabres games with my family. Also, given how awesome last night’s game was, this should be a pretty great rematch tonight. I’ve never done one of these things before, and this may very well turn into an unmitigated disaster, but the conditions certainly seem right. On with the diary!

We tune into the game just in time to see Roby interviewing Spacek rinkside, and by the end it looks like Roby’s about to crack up. I can’t blame him. One of the many reasons I should never be trusted with a press pass is because I don’t think I could ever conduct an interview with Jaro in which all the questions didn’t consist of “Okay, and…. Hahahahahahaha!!!”

Also, I guess this means Neale is preoccupied with his duties to Hockey Night in Canada tonight. See, I told you the stars were aligning to make this a great game to recap! I never thought I’d be so happy to see Mike Robitaille.

First Period

19:27 Mair gets thing started in the physical department (heh), as he lays a pretty decent hit in the Flyer zone.
18:23 Super Freak Kotalik is back on the bench, despite taking a puck to the face during the warm up. Don’t worry, if Connolly is any indication, it’ll take Kotalik at least a game or two to fall mysteriously “ill” from the effect of that non-injury.
17:42 YAY! After a lot of so-called patient (I’m pretty sure a Buffalo home crowd would have been somewhat less than patient) passing on the power play Max squeaks a shot past a befuzzled Marty. Roby gives some not-so-insightful commentary about the goal, but at least he doesn’t actively annoy me with his uselessness.
15:49 Pominville and Hecht put on some pretty nice sustained pressure in the Philly zone, and even though they ultimately don’t have anything to show for it, color me impressed. They’ve been pretty consistently our best backchecking forwards, and here they’re proving to be pretty effective forecheckers, too.
13:43 Another long play of decent forchecking by the Hecht line culminates in a very dramatic and expectant tip back to the point. As always happens after these overly-long lead-ins to point shots, the shooter’s stick breaks and we all feel like idiots for expecting something exciting to happen.
12:08 Tallinder, rushing back to catch up on a defensive play, does his best Roy impression and falls rather spectacularly to the ice for no apparent reason. He knows how hurt and miserable his biggest fan is right now, though, so he thoughtfully still manages to make the play.
11:24 As the “Let’s Go Flyers” chants rain from the rafters, it occurs to me that there’s been no retaliation booing in response to the treatment Briere got in Buffalo. It doesn’t surprise me in the least to learn that Flyers fans care less about that kind of thing than Caps fans.
11:04 A well-placed pass into the low slot by Hecht (which no one was able to pick up, of course) prompts my brother to say “He’s so good at those!” Dan never says anything nice about anyone I like, so it takes a little time for me to stop bristling and accept that he was being serious. Of course, now that we’ve established that, I can’t help but think that maybe that pass was originally meant to be a shot on net. Yo-Yo is, indeed, so good at that.
10:19 As a distraction from the riveting Peters-Cote fight going on, my brother reminds the room that Andrew Peters coached my high school’s hockey team during the lockout, and I’m in utter shock that I never knew this! I guess hockey was farther off my radar pre-lockout than I originally thought. Anyway, I seem to remember that the team sucked that year, but Dan assures me they didn’t. Me: “I’m sure they sucked at fighting, anyway.” And really, they must have, because that fight was lame.
--During the commercial my family starts ragging on me for sitting at my computer instead of partaking of some of my mom’s delicious meatloaf and mac and cheese comfort food. My dad encourages, “Don’t be a bloghead.” And he’s way prouder of that pun than he should be.
--Coming back from commercial, we get a shot of the patented Staffy scowl sitting on the bench, and my sister declares, “Stafford has a wonky face.” Me: “Stafford has a wonky face? Stafford?! Meghan, I think Miller would like you to stop throwing stones in his lopsided glass house.”
8:50 Paetsch and Richards seem a little hesitant to get their fight going after they’ve set the stage for it, but before they have time to take full stock of their lives and realize just how futile this existence truly is, they jump at each other and manage to put on a more entertaining show than Peters and Cote did. Not that it’s that hard. Paetsch is already halfway to the box by the time Richards emerges (9% faster!) from the depths of the sweater that was pulled over his head, and my mom comments on how red he looks. Me: “Well he’s embarrassed! He just got his ass kicked by someone nicknamed ‘Patches!’”
6:02 After Meghan pleads, “Briere, just go away” he promptly complies and goes offside. There’s some bumping after the whistle and Meghan narrates, “Campbell’s all, ‘Briere why are you bumping into me? Is it because I’m captain and you’re not?’” And you know what? I’d even take that kind of commentary over Harry Neale.
5:35 Roby wants to prove he can be better than Neale, too, as he says, “Some guys would rather drink Draino than come in here and play the Flyers!” But the guys who come in and play as Flyers? They drink Draino anyway. For breakfast. Because they enjoy the taste.
4:32 Meghan worries aloud about Biron’s choice in leg pads, because only his feet are orange while the rest is white: “He looks like he was dipped in white paint, but only up to a certain point.” Dan: “Like Achilles.” Me: “Shoot for the heels, guys, shoot for the heels! It’s his weakness!”
3:34 As the Flyers get whistled for a penalty, there’s a zoom in on Roy. Meghan: “He looks fat.” Me: “Not everyone can be Ryan Miller.”
3:20 Biron knocks Pommers in the face with his stick hand when he gets too close after a save, and while Mom is strangely unriled by this hostility toward her Pommers’ face, RJ and Roby start theorizing about what kind of words were exchanged. RJ reminds us that Pommers is bilingual so he would be able to understand whatever Biron threw out at him, but Roby thinks Marty has the advantage since he’s “bilingual in every language he speaks.” We’re all so busy laughing about this that we barely notice when the Flyers score. Sigh.
0:34 We get a shot of Thibault on the bench, with a pretty nasty gash on his crooked nose. Poor guy, but at least he looks like a warrior!
0:00 Well, all in all I’d have to say that was a pretty solid period of entertaining hockey, save the Peters fight (as always), and the defensive breakdown that led to the Philly goal. This whole game-diarizing thing is certainly a new experience of watching hockey, but I think it might be a success so far.

First Intermission

Before I get up from my computer to quiet my family’s complaints about me not eating, my dad asks if the blue and gold display behind Rob Ray is some sort of shag rug. I offer that it’s in fact a latchhook project that Ray himself completed to spruce up the studio. Dad: “Is that what retired hockey players do? Who knew they were so crafty.”

We crack ourselves up watching the “What would you buy Lindy for Christmas?” piece. Seriously well done, Sabres people. Comedic gold. I think Goose wins for a) putting so much thought into it, and b) coming up with the idea for a mustache comb/trimmer. Ha! Peters also gets some brownie points back from making me watch that fight, by saying that his rookie card is too valuable to give away to Lindy, so he’d probably give him his second-year card instead. At least he has a sense of humor. I point out to my mom that Pommers couldn’t be bothered to think up a gift of his own, but merely copied the tie suggestion that other players (including Yo-Yo) made. Mom: “Well, he knows it doesn’t matter what he says, as long as he’s cute while he says it. So he just cuts the crap.” Dad: “Yeah, he really shoots from the pelvis.” (Hee! Well played, Dad.)

Second Period

19:30 I start off the period by sharing with Meghan the fact that, according to VS, Vanek is fluent in Midwestern as well as German, Czech, and English, since he went to college in Minnesota. Dan: “Ugh, VS is so stupid. That VS stands for vagina station.” Mom: “Don't use that word, please.” Dan: “Fine, vagina show.”
17:17 Spurred on by a Jaro close-up after the play, Meghan launches into her favorite Spacek impression, and starts blabbering about exactly what kind of car he’d buy Lindy and how exactly it would be better than the “Teyota” he drives now. Mom is impressed that Jaro would hypothetically buy Lindy the most expensive gift of all the players, but she seems to have forgotten about how desperate Patches is for ice time. He’d probably get him a small private island. Or some blow.
16:55 SUPER FREAK! Kotalik weathers the beating at the side of the net to muscle home the rebound from a Goose wraparound attempt. With Kotalik’s usually hands-off style of play it’s easy to forget how big he is, but he definitely used his size there. It makes me a little sad that the guy they show in the stands after the goal is wearing a Yo-Yo jersey. It’s probably not fair, but I feel a little less special with every one of those I see.
16:12 As if sensing this waver in faith, Yo-Yo flattens some Flyer along the boards, and my devotion is renewed.
15:39 Miller covers up smartly on a dangerous bouncing puck that careened out from behind his net. Dad: “He saw that out of the corner of his eye.” Mom: “Which one, the one that faces in or the one that faces out?” After we take some shit from Meghan for insulting her hockey boyfriend, it’s determined that one of Miller’s eyes is in fact always trained on the puck, no matter where it may be, or what solid objects may be in the way. Dan: “He’s Mad-Eye Miller!”
13:35 Meghan watches her second hockey boyfriend, Mike “Sesame Street” Ryan wipe out with the puck in the Flyer zone, and declares that he and Roy should start a synchronized diving team. And why not? The summer Olympics are in the offseason, right?
12:02 WOOT! Yo-Yo hustles off the bench to steal the puck, carry it all the way in behind the net, and lay it back out in front, where Pominville slams it by Biron on a neat one-timer. Mom: “That’s my man-boy!” (Recognizing that age issues complicate her referring to Pommers as “her man,” Mom’s taken to calling him “her man-boy.” She has not yet taken my advice to call him “her man-puppy.” But maybe someday soon.)
11:53 Coming back from a commercial, we’re left trying to figure out who got the penalties in the pre-commercial, after-the-whistle scrum. After Mom does her impression of what Pommers looked like in the middle of it all, we decide it can’t be him in the box, since standing like a wobbly teddy bear isn’t considered a penalty. Unless it’s Peters standing like a wobbly teddy bear, which is generously called “fighting.” (It turns out it’s Yo-Yo in the box. For roughing. Grawr!)
9:09 Another smart Hecht centering pass is mucked up by Paille getting pushed into the net and dislodging it. Roby thinks there should be a penalty here, and there is. He suggests it should be for “intentional knocking into the net,” which apparently translates into actual hockey terms as “hooking.” (And yet, I still would rather Neale not come back.)
7:51 Briere scores shorthanded with a delayed penalty call on the Sabres, and the goalhorn promptly boos him. Oh, that’s just the way the goalhorn sounds? Whatever, Philly.
6:46 STUPID FLYERS! They score another shorthanded goal while Pommers gets caught standing at the point, and then catches up to his man only to send his from-his-knees clearing pass right to the stick of a trailing Flyer. Miller gets caught way out of position with no real chance on the shot. A little bad luck, but more bad play on that one. Blech!
5:38 Pommers gets man-boyhandled in front of the net by no less than three Flyers after Roy completely effs up scoring on a wide open net. Poor Pommers is getting shaken back and forth, with his head flopping all over the place, before the whistle finally goes. Don’t these guys know that shaken puppy syndrome is a serious problem? There end up being two Flyer penalties on the play, and one for Roy as well. Me: “Roy? For what?” Meghan: “For crying.”
5:01 Wow, the Paradise Penalty Boxes are sure getting their full use tonight! Goose draws a penalty for roughing by sticking it out in front of the net, and Biron tries to even out the minors by getting all up in Goose’s face. Meghan and I guess that Goose just quietly whispered “Ray Emery,” and skated away.
4:32 HELLZ YEAH!!!! Spacek scores on a blasting shot from the point (Hey! It’s Jaro’s bread and butter!), and our living room erupts in two-handed high fives for everyone. Dad says, of our favorite trick for making sure you always connect on your high fives: “This doesn’t work! How can you look at two elbows at once?” Dan: “Ryan Miller could tell you.” Have I mentioned how much I love watching hockey with my family?
2:38 Briere and Upshall collide at the blueline, for some unknown reason. Mom: “How funny would it be if Briere got injured by his own teammate?” Me: “Am I the only one who thinks of upchuck every time they say Upshall? I don’t think upchuck can hurt anyone, it can just make you sick to your stomach.” Unfortunately, the Flyers do both, don’t they?
1:15 Ugh. The Sabres are going to have to close out this period on a 5-on-3 penalty kill as Gaustad gets called for getting his stick stuck in some Flyer’s legs, which in this world apparently counts as a hold, even though the guy wasn’t impeded in the least. Spacek, already in the box for hooking, gets reprimanded for something as the ref brings Goose to join him. Poor Jaro. He can’t help that everything he says comes out sounding extremely pissed off. (Or maybe he was misbehaving in the Paradise Penalty Box? Oooo, saucy!)
0:25 Double Ugh. Miller sinks facedown to the ice after he lets in a shot from the side of the net, but he didn’t even have a chance on that shot, as the cross-ice pass was a perfect set-up.
0:00 Maybe it was the diary writing, or the fact that my family was in rare form, but this period seemed to take about ten million years. In a good way. I am not at all pleased with the way the Sabres frittered away two leads in the past twenty minutes, but it’s been entertaining as hell to watch. Still, if they can’t manage to put this game away, I expect to be very cranky tonight.

Second Intermission

In talking about how the Sabres managed to give up that 3-1 lead Roby appears to be recovering from a fit of the giggles. Maybe he just got done interviewing Spacek again. (They weren’t just in the PPB together, were they? ACK! MY EYES!) In any case he seems to be having a blast calling this game with RJ, and I can’t blame him. My perspective is a little skewed and distanced what with writing the game diary, but this game has been exceptionally exciting so far. Now we just need to pull out the win. Kevin informs us that the last time the Sabres gave up two shorthanded goals was a 6-5 win over Flyers in Philly two years ago. Oh great, now I’m sure we’re going to lose.

Third Period

18:00 The Sabres successfully killed off the remainder of the penalty to start the period, but you wouldn’t know it from the way they remain trapped in their own end for the first full two minutes.
16:24 Miller snares a quick shot from the slot from Carter with a quick flash of his glove. It seems someone forgot to inform the Sabres during the intermission that they were in the midst of playing an exciting hockey game, because now they’ve forgotten all about it.
16:13 Sesame Street Ryan high-sticks Briere in the face along the boards. I wonder who on the bench dared him to do that, and how awkward Ryan felt acting on the dare. “Uh, Mr. Briere… I know I don’t know you, but Goose says I should shove my stick in your face. So, um, there! Okay, bye!”
16:09 Right after my dad declares now would be a good time for a shorthanded goal, the Flyers score. We all yell at Dad to keep his mouth shut next time. Also, Miller was seriously screened on this shot, so apparently his Mad Eye isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
15:23 Vanek gets taken down heading to the net and the non-call translates to a great Flyer chance going the other way. These refs have been such a joy for this home-and-home, haven’t they?
14:31 Paille draws an interference penalty, which prompts Meghan to give me insight into her pronunciation guide. She used to always want to say it “Pail-ee,” until she taught herself the trick of remembering “Pie. Yay!”
12:31 That power play was a gross disappointment. There was no pie, and definitely no yay.
11:35 Getting a little distracted from the game, we all discuss the hilarious prospect of seeing a grown man in a Pominville sweater. Mom tosses around the idea of bringing a sign to a game that says “Pommers, you should meet my daughter,” and then adds: “Or son?” This starts a landslide of suggestions. Dan: “Or cat.” Meghan: “Or empty flower pot.” Me: “Or fire hydrant.” Mom: “Or rawhide bone.”
11:27 No! StaffyNation takes a blow as we learn he’s been taken off the bench by an “upper body injury.” I just hope nothing serious has happened to his eyebrow!
9:30 Roy gets hammered from behind, and you know what that means! The Flyers have a chance to get their third shorthanded goal!
8:54 As Biron stonewalls Kotalik’s diving shot from the right circle, Meghan tells us all that she would leave Miller if Sid Crosby ever came to play for Buffalo. I really wish she’d waited to share this information until after the game. I can practically feel Miller’s psyche and paradigm crumbling as we speak.
7:33 Roy comes in on a semi-break and as his shot trickles through Biron and JUST wide of the net with no one there to tap it in, Meghan and I let out a primal scream that can surely be heard all the way in Philly. But our sound waves do nothing to alter the course of the puck’s journey and there is no goal. Also, there is no God.
5:34 Campbell almost wipes out while circling back to regroup in his own zone, and Meghan’s convinced he slipped on a sequin: “It was one of Roy’s. That nine on the back of his jersey? It’s just Bedazzled on.” We decide he and Pommers totally have Bedazzling slumber parties, and are currently working on Bedazzled Christmas gifts for all the guys. I think this game has broken our brains.
5:25 Just what we need! Mair gets called for interference and roughing, and will be sitting in the box for the next four minutes. Shockingly, the Flyer box is empty. That looked like some pretty mutual roughing to me!
3:14 Goose does his best to make the wishes for a shorthanded goal come true, but ultimately Paille is stymied on his centering pass attempt.
1:43 Ryan falls fabulously to the ice, once again, and Meghan and I are sure he’s getting an extra-special Bedazzled synchronized diver’s suit for Christmas.
0:54 THIS GAME IS TOO INTENSE!!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT!!! GAME DIARIZING WILL GIVE ME MULTIPLE HEART ATTACKS!!!!
0:07 HOLY SHIT!!! YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO!!!!! IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!! YO-YO SHOT IT AT A TINY SLIVER OF OPEN NET ON THE SHORT SIDE AND ACTUALLY SCORED!!! HE DIDN’T HIT THE POST OR THE GOALIE OR ANYTHING!!!!! I’M DYING FROM EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!! (ETA: Apparently Vanek, noted Baby Killer of old, is going to take the credit for this goal, since he technically deflected it before it crossed the line, but after extensive review, I’ve decided that the puck was going in regardless so my over-excitement still stands.)
0:00 The Flyers gave me a scare in the last second, but Lydman is a killer shot-blocker, so oooooooooooovertime it is!

Overtime

5:00 Seriously, my hands are shaking. I don’t know if I can deal with this.
4:16 Biron has to look sharp for the second time tonight on a shot from Tallinder, and unfortunately he does. The Sabres look like they really want to win.
3:52 Lydman finds himself with a glorious chance all alone in front of the net, but at the last second he remembers he’s a defenseman and effs it up. The puck deflects off of Biron and flies harmlessly into the corner.
3:10 Kalinin takes a hooking penalty trying to defend a Flyer breakaway, and Dan and I spend almost the entire penalty arguing about how useful/less he is. It never ceases to amaze me how much people can ignore Tri, right up until the second he does something wrong. I stick by my assessment that he’s a good player, even in the face of Dan’s flawless logic: “He’s even worse than Numminen, and he’s, like, dead!”
1:40 Miller poke-checks away a probable goal by a skating-in Briere, but takes himself completely out of the play in doing so. He gives the Flyers a yawning chasm of a net to score on, but they just… miss. I don’t know which stone hands shot that, but I want to kiss them right now.
1:10 Miller was nothing short of spectacular on that entire penalty kill.
0:54 Uh-oh, I spoke too soon and Yo-Yo heard me. Flush with his last-minute success in regulation, he nervously coughs up the puck inside the Flyer line, and then busts his ass so hard to get back that he bowls right over the Flyer he’s pursuing and gets called for holding.
0:00 Phew, Yo-Yo escapes being the savior and the goat. SHOOTOUT. I DON’T THINK I CAN TAKE THIS!

Shootout

This being the first Sabres shootoutout of the season, we try to figure out who the shooters will be. We think Kotalik and Vanek are definites, but the third is unknown. Roy? Afinogenov? Mom: “Hecht.” Me: “No! Anyone but Hecht! He’ll just shoot it at Biron’s chest, or hit the post, and it’ll be so embarrassing!” Dan: “Okay. Peters, Ryan, Kevin Sylvester.”

Miller really wants to prove that his reputation for being good in the shootout still stands, and stays patient as Richards tries to fool him. It works.

Ditto for Super Freak and his reputation. He goes for something different than he normally did last year, and I can barely see his wrister as it rockets into the net.

Briere psychs himself out and completely whiffs on his shot. I imagine Miller will be playing that moment over in his head as he falls asleep tonight.

Max (for it is he sandwiched between Kotalik and Vanek) takes the Hecht approach and shoots right into Marty’s pads.

Carter completely loses control of the puck before he even has a chance to do anything with it, but Miller tries his hardest to make it look like he had something to do with stymieing his attempt as he twists and writhes on the ice. In any case the shootout’s over and the game is ours! Words really can’t express how lovable, wriggly, and adorable the Sabres all look as they pile into each other to celebrate, laughing and noogieing each other’s helmets. What a perfect end to this game!

So that was fun! Both the game, and the writing of the game diary were pretty awesome and exciting, though neither was perfect, and neither was something I’d want to repeat on a nightly basis. There ended up being far less hockey content, and far more crazy-Gambler-family content here than I anticipated, but I think that’s all right. I hope you all enjoyed it!

12 to Remember: Buffalo vs. Philadelphia 10/17/06

Oooh, this week we’re up close and personal with Kevin Sylvester and his collection of hockey jerseys. No more of that wide-angle shit, those dimples are ready for their close-ups!

I’m dismayed to hear this game aired on Versus, but then Kevin tells us that we’ll be hearing the Jeanneret/Lorentz radio broadcast dubbed over. Yay! And, yeah, didn’t I say they could do that, like, a month ago?

First Period
--Once again, it’s really, really dark. What gives MSG? But at least the sound levels seem okay.
18:45 Just as I was despairing at the amount of “Briere”s and “Drury”s being tossed about, RJ throws in an “Umberger” and I go to my Brian Campbell-induced happy place. Yeah, that’s nice.
17:28 The RAV line does some nifty transition play that ends with Teppo getting a good open shot which deflects wide. And then Vanek levels Forsberg in the corner. See? You get the slag-faced ones off the ice and the magic just starts flowing.
16:58 Mair jumps on a wide-open puck and gets a couple of good scoring chances by just sticking with the play. Give that guy a letter, already.
16:22 Okay, this is funny. Jim starts talking about Mair’s play, but obviously the Versus guys are still stuck on the Vanek/Forsberg hit, as we’re seeing replay footage and dramatic close-ups of those two guys. I’m with Lorentz on this one. The Mair shots were more exciting.
15:39 Briere’s line gets some good offensive movement, but it should be noted that it’s Jochen and Pommer doing all the work. (Yes, the rose colored glasses are firmly in place. Deal with it.)
15:12 Spurred on by all of the media attention his last hit garnered, Vanek gets check-happy and makes a run at Esche. It’s… pretty ineffectual.
14:33 Some beautiful chances courtesy of Afinogenov’s strong skating and—is that Kotalik in Vanek’s spot? I hope Thomas didn’t injure himself trying to check too hard.
13:12 Drury does some good stuff, but I pretend it doesn’t happen. Instead I’ll point out that if the Flyers have taken a single shot in this game, then I haven’t seen it.
12:44 Mair gets called for something or another. Looks like Versus is back to it’s old tricks of not showing us penalties. Joy of joys. Instead they’re showing us that Vanek hit again. We get it! It was good! Move on!
12:12 On the power play, the Flyers get what I can only guess is their first shot of the night, but Miller is somehow still awake enough to make the save.
11:45 After Roy makes a steal at the blueline, he and Pominville break in on a shorthanded 2-on-1, but the puck doesn’t settle down enough for Pommer to set up Derek and instead he crashes into the backboards in a squirmy mess of legs. Aww, what a puppy.
10:56 Vanek makes the Flyers’ power play look stupid as he nonchalantly steals the puck and takes a shot from the point. Gosh, but this is an awful power play.
10:45 Teppo says “C’mon Philly, give us something we can chew on!” and takes a hooking penalty. There will be 2 seconds of 5-on-3 action with Mair and Numminen in the box.
10:34 Mair rushes out of the box just in time to grab a cleared puck and almost score short handed. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the Versus guys start talking about that Vanek hit again.
9:55 Hecht just can’t get a pass to Drury in front. That’s okay, Yo-Yo. He doesn’t deserve your passes, anyway.
9:32 Jim says the Sabres are “on the top of their game” penalty-killing-wise. You’re right, Jim. It’s definitely all downhill from here. He also says they’re averaging 18 penalty minutes per game so far in the season. That’s… disgusting.
8:51 Miller holds the puck for the first time in the game as he makes a save with what RJ calls “plenty of traffic in front of him.” And by traffic, I can only assume he means Kalinin’s big fat caboose.
8:00 Uh, oh. It’s the power play. My usual special-teams disgust is multiplied by the fact that Drury and Briere are out on the ice at the same time.
7:51 Thankfully Spacek takes pity on me and ends the power play by hauling down a breaking Richards. Thanks, Jaro! Wait, scratch that. It’s a penalty shot, instead. Richards tries to go way wide on Miller, but loses control of the puck. You’d think the players would have figured it out by now: if you really want to score, go back to the blueline and take a soft shot. Those are his kryptonite.
6:00 The power play gets some lovely, lovely pressure on, but unfortunately no one can finish. Especially not Spacek who sent the puck across the goal line, behind Esche, after Jochen set him up beautifully. Oh well, it could be worse. Briere or Drury could have scored.
5:12 After Max gets the puck right in front of the net, but just fails to beat Esche, RJ officially declares the Philadelphia defense non-existent. You heard it here first, folks!
4:00 Coming back from commercial, there are now four minutes left in the period, it’s 4-on-4 and Roy and Mair are on the ice at the same time. It feels like MSG should have accompanied this awkward cut with a soundtrack of that one Talking Heads song. You know the one: “How did I get here? This is not my beautiful wife…” etc. etc.
2:32 Again with the awkward cuts! After Miller deflects the puck out of play, Jim’s statement of “Another big stop by Ryan Miller” blends “seamlessly” into “Now Drury will take this draw,” as the face-off is taken. MSG did you think we wouldn’t even notice? It’s the off-season! I need all of the precious seconds of skating-around, setting-up-for-the-draw time I can get, damn you!
2:06 Forsberg muscles his way into a scrum and sends both Kotalik and Novotny flying with one hit. In my mind, the Versus guys start in with the “Vanek is so skilled for being able to hit that guy effectively,” spiel again.
0:55 Poor Jochen. He tries so hard to catch up with the puck on a break, but just ends up getting knocked on his behind for his trouble.
0:00 Time runs out just as Teppo thinks long and hard about fighting Umberger. Don’t do it Teppo! I have to say, this was an exciting period, but it’s still 0-0. Where are those nine goals I was promised, huh?

Second Period
--Kevin informs us that the Sabres out-shot the Flyers 12-9 in the first. Really? Is that all? I think the stat guy accidentally wrote down about six or so of those in the Philly column.
--Also, I was going to just comment on how Kevin is looking a little chubby in the face, but then I realized I just have my TV on stretch mode. Sorry, Kevin!
19:34 Aww, Versus gives us a shot of Marty on the bench. I almost wish I could listen to what they’re saying about him.
19:23 Vanek scores! On his own rebound after Numminen feeds him in front. All this after Max gunned it down the ice after a defensive draw. Buffalo, watch this play. We’re going to be just fine. A shot of Vanek on the bench shows him grinning like a loon. I love it.
18:58 Tallinder dives onto the ice and intercepts a crease-bound pass. Awesome move. Not only that, but he manages to hold on to possession long enough to get up and move it out of the zone. Philly, that’s what defense looks like. Just in case you were wondering.
17:34 We get, literally, a 15 second shot of Vanek on the bench talking to Max and Roy. I know he scored and everything, but if this love-fest continues I’m going to have to ask the Versus broadcasters what their intentions are. Hey Versus, since you already love him so much, think you could help us out with some of his $10 million paycheck next year?
16:15 Hecht drops Pitkanen in the corner. It’s so adorable. All I can imagine is Jochen lisping “Take that!” Ahem… Briere has been doing some pretty neat things here, but none of them ends in a goal, so that means he sucks.
15:33 Lydman is called for tripping, which is odd. As far as I can tell, he wasn’t on the ice. Of course that may just be because Versus is showing an irrelevant replay of Hecht spectacularly blowing a scoring chance. Oh well, at least it’s not Vanek scratching his nose, or something.
--Okay, now the banner on the screen is saying Chris Drury was called for tripping, even though we can clearly see Toni's number 5 in the box. Versus, YOU SUCK!
13:33 That power play made the Sabres’ PK look good. I don’t think I need to say more than that.
11:09 Philly takes a penalty, and so the Sabres are getting their chance on the PP. No, wait, it’ll be four-a-side? The Flyers spent the past minute of play with the man advantage and I didn’t even notice? I love this game!
10:11 After Miller makes a sharp save, there’s some sort of hooking infraction called and in four seconds the Flyers will be two men short. This is going to be awesome.
10:00 It’s now officially half-way through the game and it’s still just 1-0. I know there’s still plenty of scoring to come, but honestly, how is it not 53-0 right now? This team is awful!
9:50 As if to prove my point, Spacek scores. On the power play. Philly, that’s just sad. Seriously, though, this goal is a beauty. Jaro gets a great feed from some hobbit guy down low and blasts it in on a one-timer. He still needs to score about twenty more of those, though, if he wants to earn his $3 million keep.
8:37 The good news? There’s another power play goal. The bad news? It was scored pretty much single-handedly by the slag-faced twins. I can just forget about that one, can’t I? 8-1 is just as impressive as 9-1, right?
--As the camera pans in on good old Section 106, I’m reminded that my dad was in fact at this game. I decide the green amorphous blob among the other multi-colored amorphous blobs is him. Hi, Dad!
--Oh, no. A replay of the goal shows Drury stopping in the middle of his celebration to apologize to the Flyer he accidentally jumped on. I really, really wish I could love him for that. This hurts.
7:09 Kalinin makes a smart 1-on-1 defensive move. Looks like everyone is trying to show how tremendously existent the Sabres D is tonight.
6:48 Miller spears a shot by Gagne. It’s probably just my imagination, but he seemed terribly bored while doing so.
6:16 Someone falls like a sprawling puppy to the ice. Obviously Pommer.
6:04 Campbell’s called for tripping. Wake me up when the “power” play is over.
5:48 Turns out that was a short nap, because some Flyer gets called for something. Color me surprised.
5:04 Roy scores on the backhand, after RJ has some fun calling the gorgeous “Vanek, to Roy, to Vanek, to Roy” action. I expect to be hearing a lot of that next season. Versus sours the moment by showing Briere on the bench. Leave the hobbit out of this, Versus! Show us that Vanek hit again, if you must. Anything but that.
3:28 Tallinder scores! Oh boy, that was pretty. A shot from the point that went into the net completely clean. Jim tries to tell us that it was tipped in by Vanek, but we all know the truth. Hank’s goal is pure.
2:34 Afinogenov scores on a lightning-fast coast-to-coast play. Between Max’s skating and the heinous Flyers orange, the defenders look exactly like pylons. Sweet. Max’s goal celebration entails falling down and hitting his head on the boards. I think that one needs a little work.
1:55 Whoa. Whoa! Whoa. Did Peters really just steal the puck in the slot? And get a genuine scoring chance? Andrew Peters? If you’re a Flyer right now, you’re not just questioning your defense, you’re questioning your life.
1:05 Miller hasn’t done anything in so long, he’s forgotten how to play goal. He just kind of ineffectually sits down instead of trying to save the puck. Fortunately, the Flyers suck too much to score.
0:00 As we head to intermission, I think RJ and Jim try to tell us that the Flyers have one more shot on goal than we do. I must have heard that wrong. That’s just… not possible.

Third Period
19:20 Hah! The hobbit does a gorgeous swan dive down to the ice. I could watch that one over and over again. And I do.
18:38 Okay, Miller has obviously fallen asleep. He’s sort of camped out in front of the crease for no reason, and someone in orange scores with a really easy shot from just inside the blueline. This is about seventeen and a half minutes before Miller usually decides to ruin his shutouts, so obviously something is wrong.
18:12 More beautiful play by the RAV line gives Roy a wide-open net to score on, and he doesn’t miss. Oh, I guess it’s not the playoffs, then. I’m kidding, Derek! I love you! Please sign a contract for not lots of money!
16:39 Novotny scores on a clean shot from in front. Okay, Philly, the joke’s over. You can start playing now. It was really funny, but this is getting ridiculous.
16:13 RJ says he thinks that after this game the Flyers will have to agree with the praise the Sabres got from Jaromir Jagr and the Rangers. I suspect they might be far too busy crying themselves to sleep.
15:05 Vanek scores another one! Max feeds him in front, and he just kind of lazily pokes it into the net. His goal celebration looks like it consists of rolling his eyes and muttering, “Honestly!”
--Versus gives us a shot of Philly’s backup goaltender. Uh, I think it’s a little too late for that, fellas. Too bad they don’t have any backup skaters they could put out.
14:42 The fans are chanting “We want ten!” Yeah, yeah, you want a Cup, too. Always with the demands, Buffalo.
14:06 Apparently Forsberg just punched Peters in the face to get him back for a clean open ice hit. Peters has a priceless “Are you kidding me?” look on his face. RJ declares that the Flyers have “lost it.” Rick, they’ve not only lost it, they’ve forgotten they even had it. Have I mentioned how much I love this game?
13:05 RJ says, “No one is watching this clock more than the Philadelphia bench. Trust me.” By this point I think they’ve just given up hope that this game is ever ending, since they figure they’ve just died and gone to Purgatory.
12:07 I’m wondering why this power play sucks so much, but then I realize it’s because Mair, Goose, and Peters are out on it. Now Lindy, that’s just rubbing it in! Awesome.
11:21 What? The Flyers have 31 shots? That seems impossible. Well, at least we know they won’t be using the “We can’t score, if we don’t shoot” excuse later. They’ll just have to settle for saying “We can’t score…” and letting their voices trail off.
9:42 Max dances in and tries to score. As much as the Flyers have sucked tonight, I have to admit Esche hasn’t been as bad as the nine goals suggest. Most of those beat him because of crazy fancy set-ups that his skaters never should have allowed to happen.
8:27 Tallinder gets pummeled along the boards. Hey Philly, Hank is not a stress ball! Take your frustrations out somewhere else!
7:31 Mair has another beautiful scoring chance. He’s really been on tonight. Why couldn’t he have scored instead of Drury?
5:49 This game has quickly devolved into a routine of “Sabres skate in unmolested, almost score three or four times, then Flyers try to take it in to their offensive zone and promptly lose it.” Rinse and repeat.
4:15 Jochen makes a great steal in the neutral zone, but I don’t pay attention to what happens next. I’ll just assume Briere give it away. Stupid hobbit! Ruining all my Yo-Yo’s hard work!
3:23 Peters wants to see what this whole scoring goals thing is all about. The Flyers almost let him.
0:46 Between Lindy trying to up the fourth line’s ice time, and get Vanek and Roy a hat trick, I haven’t seen the slag-faced whores in a while. Just how I like it.
0:00 After the clock runs out, we see Esche can’t possibly get to the dressing room fast enough. He’s pretty much elbowing people out of the way. I almost feel sorry for him. What we don’t see is Briere going up to the Flyers bench and saying, “You’ve really convinced me that you’re committed to winning. Any chance you have lots of money and need a number one center?” Idiot.

Okay, I’m feeling good. This game was just what I needed. It was light on the co-captains and heavy on the Roy line. And it was obscenely fun to watch the Flyers unravel like that. Schadenfreude is the best medicine! Next up? The Bruins.