12 to Remember: Buffalo vs. Toronto 11/22/06

Kevin, you’ve got to be kidding me. We’re more than halfway through the 12 to Remembers, and we’re still only in November? We aren’t even in 2007 yet? Did no one think to explain to the Sabres that the playoffs start in April, so maybe they should save some of their fabulous games for then? I kid. Sort of. Actually, this is fantastic! It means there’s less of a chance I’ll have to relive those unspectacular post-season wins MSG threatened to air. Please, please, please give us more regular season.

Anyway, I was about to say I don’t remember this game at all, but then I realized that I do! This, my friends, is the first game of the season I actually got to see on TV! Yay! It re-aired on MSG on Thanksgiving Day, and since I had flown into Buffalo late the night before, I glued myself to the TV and watched the repeat. My family was all, “Uh, isn’t Thanksgiving a football holiday?” but I countered them very rationally by screaming “I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO WATCH HOCKEY ALL SEASON! LAY OFF ME!” (“TELL ME WHEN! TELL ME WHEN I CAN’T WATCH HOCKEY!”) Anywho, I remember enjoying this game immensely the first time around, although that could have just been the hockey withdrawal speaking. At the very least, I know this game doesn’t end in a shootout, so it could be worse.

First Period
20:00 Drew Stafford! Oh, I love this game already! This must have been the start of the period where Sabres were dropping like flies. Unfortunately, one of those flies isn’t named Drury, as Staffy’s been forced to play on his wing.
19:28 Staffy looks like he’s going to get the first chance of the night, when he’s fed the puck in front of the net, but he decides not to be a showboat and allows a Leaf defenseman to strip him of the puck. Always so humble and courteous, that Staffy.
18:55 Pommer heads to box after trying to chop off some guy’s ankles. And… what’s this? Paille is playing on Briere’s other wing? Yo-Yo is injured? Say it isn’t so!
17:52 Spacek hooks Kaberle at the blue line and goes to babysit Pommer. Good, maybe Jaro can get him to stop chewing the penalty box furniture. It’s not very sanitary. Or manly.
17:41 Well that didn’t take long at all. Tucker, parked all alone to the side of the net, rifles a shot over Miller’s left pad. Honestly, how can we have so much practice at killing penalties and still manage to suck at it? Pommer skates out of the box with his head down and his tail between his legs. I think Uncle Jaro is a firm believer in rolled up newspaper.
16:33 Miller does some uncharacteristic scrambling in the crease, and comes up with a couple of nice saves. Goose says, “Come on, Ryan. We all know the best professional goaltender you can be can do better than that!” Well, he doesn’t so much say it as scream it with his actions as he takes a hooking call and puts the Sabres down two men, again.
16:16 Wellwood slams home a deflection off the back boards. It’s now 2-0 and the Leafs are still on the power play. That's okay, let them get as many goals as they want, it’ll only make their fall that much sweeter. I can only hope, though, that Miller will never see this goal again. Crazy bounces off the back boards that end up going into the net can only bring up painful memories.
15:34 Drury makes a nice steal, but then tries to muscle his way through basically the entire Toronto line-up, just to get the puck checked away. Apparently the Leafs were not intimidated by his shouts of “Out of my way! Don’t you know who I am? Do I need to show you my Little League World Series ring?!”
15:26 Whoa. RJ just announced that Hecht, Roy, Lydman, and Hank are all injured, so it’s no wonder the penalty kill sucks so hard. Aw man, and I was so looking forward to picking on Roy by referring constantly to his new contract! Well, if he thinks he’ll be allowed to be injured once he’s earning a $4 million cap hit, he’s got another think coming. (Yeah, it’s not like you saw Tim Connolly miss any games after he signed his big deal!)
14:30 Briere collapses onto the face-off dot. I… have no idea what happened there. It looks like he thinks he can win the draw with his ass. Well, with Roy out I guess someone has to pick up the hilarious falling slack.
12:43 The Sabres finally get their first power play, as Suglobov takes Novotny down. Meanwhile, tensions have been running high. Briere grabbed Steen by the face earlier, and Mair now starts to mix it up with Gill in the corner. RJ surmises that the Sabres are surly because so far they’ve taken all the penalties and haven’t scored any of the goals. Yawn. Wake me up when the hockey starts. (I’m confident it won’t be for at least another two minutes.)
10:43 I wasn’t wrong. Apart from some pointless passing along the outside, and one or two soft or misaimed shots, the Sabres manage to effectively clear the puck into their own zone, all by themselves on more than one occasion. What, they can kill Toronto’s penalties, but not their own? On the “upside,” they managed to draw another penalty!
9:33 What do you know, it was an upside! Kotalik rips a shot from the point, which deflects off the post right to Max, who buries it. And we managed to draw another penalty in the process! My God, has there been any even strength hockey in this game?
8:47 Kotalik decides that he’s not quite ready to get another point in this game, and doesn’t shoot from his wide-open vantage point. Instead he tries pass the puck, apparently, to a Leaf’s helmet. Kotalik: “Man, that helmet was wide open! It had a great shooting angle, too!”
7:23 Right after penalty time runs out, Vanek makes a behind the net feed to Novotny in front, and RJ gets way more excited by the ensuing goal than I think is necessary. Of course, he doesn’t know the outcome of the game like I do. And also, it’s RJ. Unwarranted excitement is his specialty, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
5:03 Finally, we get something resembling hockey from the Sabres, as Briere’s line buzzes the Toronto zone, getting a couple of good chances. Lines, by the way, seem like a fluid construct in this game, as now Danny’s skating with Paille and Stafford. Between this and the Vanek-Gaustad-Novotny combo we saw earlier, it appears Lindy’s just shouting out the first names that pop into his head and sending them over the boards.
4:37 Patches is called for “illegally compensating for not playing defense well enough.” Or something. Zooming through the commercials, I catch a glimpse of a familiar face. A familiar, slagged face. Chris Drury, whoring it up in his new Rangers digs, is apparently now part of some sort of promotion for MSG. ARRRRRGH! Only the fact that people are trying to sleep upstairs is preventing me from re-enacting the “Where’s the fucking phone?!” scene from Wet Hot American Summer right now. Just when I think I’m finally okay with letting Drury go, I see him in a Rangers sweater, and lamps exist solely to be thrown. But I’m slightly comforted by the fact that he and fellow soul-seller Scott Gomez look positively dwarfish(er) standing next to some dude named Randolph holding up some sort of basketball jersey. (My knowledge of sports that aren’t hockey is so impressive, isn’t it?)
2:37 Hey! That was a pretty decent penalty-kill, Sabres! Particularly decent was one Rochester call-up, Mike Ryan. (Wait. Mike Ryan? This isn’t that game, is it? Oh, sweet deliciousness!)
0:02 After yet another Buffalo penalty (Mairsy dotes in the box), Ryan continues with the awesome steals and the shorthanded pressure and what-not, and sets Novotny up beautifully at the top of the circle. His shot beats Raycroft, only to get knocked away at the very last second. Typical Sabres. We kill our own power plays, but we get great scoring chances on Toronto’s.

Second Period
--Out of commercials, the disembodied voice of Kevin Sylvester informs us that there we will be jumping to later in the second-period action, “due to time constraints.”
19:38 What? Time constraints required MSG to cut all of 22 seconds? What kind of time constraints are these, exactly? Unless you’re swimming the 100-meter breaststroke, 22 seconds is never a necessary time to save.
18:03 No way! There was a point during the season when the Sabres scored not one, but two power play goals in one game?!? (Don’t ask me how we got on the power play, as apparently that time was deemed better spent on an extra-long eHarmony commercial. Or, as it is sometimes more affectionately known, “time constraints.”) Boy, but this goal is a beauty. Vanek executes a fantastic “no look-em behind the back-em” (thanks, RJ) right outside the crease, and Briere one-times the puck past a totally lost Raycroft. By the way, it looks like Briere is now the new Roy, playing between Max and Vanek. Hey Derek, think you can be the new Danny next season?
16:55 Soupy, after whiffing spectacularly on a puck outside the crease, somehow gets another chance at it, and scores five-hole. Whoa. For a second there the Leafs looked just like the Flyers. Aw, and RJ and Jim sweeten the deal by announcing that this goal marks Soupy’s 100th NHL point! On the bench, he is 100% smile, and I feel all warm and melty inside.
16:47 Someone gets called for diving and it’s not Roy! Or Briere! It’s a Leaf! This game is just full of surprises!
14:40 After some pretty wide-open 4-on-4 (because, yeah, coincidental minors are such a deterrent for diving), the Sabres allow the Leafs to get over-comfortable in their zone and Miller has to look sharp. He reads the long, pinpoint passes perfectly, and has no visible trouble covering up. As impressive as big saves are, I gotta say I love when Ryan manages to be awesome without really looking it.
13:52 Kilger heads to the box for “upsetting” Stafford. Are unibrow jokes illegal now?
13:27 At the blue line, Briere performs the absolute worst turnover I’ve seen since, well… May. Miller stays calm and stonewalls the breakaway, but not before Danny can get some completely unnecessary hooking action in.
12:22 Kubina, jealous of Soupy’s spinorama, trips him right in front of the net. It’s a penalty party, this game! Must be the Paradise Penalty Box daisies are in full bloom, or something. They’re, uh, November daisies.
10:26 Drury gets a nice shot from point-blank range, but Jim points out that if he were a left-handed shooter he would have been able to one-time the pass and get a better chance. Don’t bullshit me, Lorentz. Everyone knows Drury can do anything. He’s not going to let a silly little thing like shooting right get in the way of his superpowers!
6:26 Wow. Miller makes a spectacular save after being swept out of position by the player Paetsch just shoved to the ice. There are few things in this world I find more satisfying than a good glove save, and this one fairly screams, “Oh, no you don’t! Gotcha!” as Miller reaches back to snatch the puck from the goal mouth. Impossibly, Patches doesn’t go to the box.
5:47 Uh, oh. I think Kubina’s been making unibrow comments! Staffy straightens up like a brick wall and levels him down to the ice, nearly knocking off his helmet in the process. Even from a distance, that check makes his eyebrow look devastatingly sexy.
5:03 Mike Ryan (yes, it IS that game!) scores on his own net. He’s just trying to gather up a rebound and steer it to safety, but mishandles it, and it ends up going into the net. It’s a terribly unfortunate play, and Ryan’s reaction is nearly heartbreaking, but let me tell you why I can’t help but love this goal. Next to Ryan Miller, Mike Ryan is my sister’s favorite Sabre, and--aside from pointing out that they not only share the name “Ryan,” but were also, apparently, clobbered by the same Ugly Stick at birth--bringing up this goal is the surest-fire way to get her blood boiling. Whenever she so much as mentions Mike Ryan I look thoughtful and say, “Oh, isn’t he the guy who scored on his own wide-open net? And who was that who just sat by and let it all happen? Was that your other hockey boyfriend?” And then I just sit back and watch her invent new and exciting colors on her face. I just like to give her a hard time, though. Realistically, this goal is so not a big deal. Since we end up winning this game (spoiler!), it means next to nothing. I mean, it’s not like it was the game-winning goal in a Stanley Cup Final game, or anything! I mean, how embarrassing would that be, right?!
2:18 The Sabres are shorthanded once again, but they’re not letting it get them down. For instance, Soupy knows just because we’re down a man doesn't mean he can’t take unscreened shots right at the goalie’s chest protector. Just like he always does.
0:52 Max absolutely nails Wellwood in the corner. I could see this hit coming all the way, but I was still kind of incredulous about it. “Really? Max is going to get a big hit? If you say so…” Wellwood appears to have been thinking the same thing, and falls down out of shock.
0:00 Staffy gets hassled in the corner once again, and Goose steps in on his behalf, exchanging words and fight invitations at the horn. Pretty Boy Paulie, with his perfectly separate eyebrows, fears no insult.

Third Period
19:27 The refs call their one-millionth penalty. Darcy Tucker celebrates by throwing a temper tantrum on his way to the box.
17:27 Sabres special teams stage an interpretive dance of Waiting For Godot, spending the entire two minutes preparing for a power play that never shows up. I think they might be able to fix all their problems if they stopped letting Samuel Beckett sponsor them.
16:35 Peca Captain Crunches Stafford into the boards, and Staffy’s slow to get up, cradling his face. Unsurprisingly, Peca heads to the box for “eyebrow endangerment,” or “boarding,” or something. Incidentally, I’ve only just realized that Peca is playing in this game. What a difference-maker! A slowed-down replay of the scrum after the hit shows Drury getting his face absolutely manhandled by some disembodied Leaf glove, and my heart skips a beat, it’s so beautiful.
14:35 That power play involved, among less exciting things, Kotalik icing the puck, and Numminen giving up a short-handed two-on-one. Can we stop drawing penalties sometime soon, please?
13:13 In perhaps his first real contribution to the game since taking that tripping penalty way back in the second minute of the game, Pominville fans on the puck.
12:39 This is the part where Miller falls down inexplicably, Tucker scores his second of the night, and my eyes vomit vitreous humor all over the inside of my eyelids. It’s now tied at four. This is the also part where everyone hates Mike Ryan.
9:37 The Sabres gain possession in their own zone, but it takes about an hour for them to get it to center ice. Must be Toronto took one of their skaters off the ice to trick Buffalo into thinking they’re on the power play. Bold strategy, I think it might just work.
7:27 As we head to commercial, I finally see why Pommer has been such a non-factor in this game. He’s recently shorn! He’s lost his curl confidence! And, okay, this period has been largely uneventful. I keep waiting for the Sabres to kick it into the next gear, but they don’t even look like they have one at this point. (This feels familiar.) Still, I have a vague remembrance of the final score of this game, so that next gear has got to come along eventually, right? Right?
6:58 Vanek decides to actually earn a little bit of his inflated plus-minus, and strips Peca of the puck right in the goal crease. It’s a good thing he’s not mic’d up, because I’m almost positive he’s saying, “There, I did some effing backchecking. Can I go score now?” But no, he can’t.
5:18 But Briere can! I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing. The replay of this goal shows Raycroft was tripped up by his own defenseman, McCabe, and so Danny had effectively a wide-open net to score on. Dude. That’s almost as embarrassing as scoring on your own goal. And he doesn’t even have the excuse of being a rookie.
3:53 Toronto gets a quick shot right off the face-off, but Miller flicks out his right pad in time to save it. It’s a good thing he’s not “protecting” a shutout right now, or that definitely would have gone in.
2:31 Miller covers up on a dangerous, bouncing rebound. Paille is right there, but apparently Miller’s learned his lesson about letting under-experienced forwards handle his rebounds. At least for tonight. Paille seems to recognize this and taps him gratefully on the head as he skates by.
2:25 Miller makes another grand, sprawling save, but Spacek wants to give us one more penalty kill for the road, and hooks somebody. Come on, RJ, how many hooking penalties do we need before you break out the “This game has more hookers than a street corner in Las Vegas!” call? I just know it’s in there, trying to bust out.
1:36 Miller puts on a clinic on how to single-handedly save your team from their own festering penalty kill. Get used to it, Ryan.
1:08 Pommer emerges from oblivion to score an empty-netter, and he’s so elated he’s grown his hair back! Seriously, I don’t know if I was hallucinating earlier, or what, but I could have sworn his head was all shaved. I could go back and check, but instead I’m going to just blame it on MSG for splicing in footage from later in the season.
0:45 Raycroft came back on the ice for all of three seconds before leaving again, which allows Drury to score from three-quarters of the way down the ice. My lamps feel unsafe.
0:00 Okay, so apparently Miller has a second gear (hell, he seems to have gears ad infinitum), but the rest of the Sabres only have empty-netters up their sleeves. Still, I did enjoy this game, and it was definitely worth remembering. If only for the fact that, if the Leafs had just managed to win this game (which was much, much closer than the 7-4 final indicates), they would have been in the playoffs. Suckers! (Also, what’s this? The post-game thanking of Miller [you better well thank him, chumps] shows Funk was playing in this game, and I didn’t even notice. How could I not notice a guy named Funk?!)

Next week (which is to say, uh, tonight), the game I’ve been waiting for since this whole 12 to Remember business started. December 26th versus the Capitals. Folks, I was at this game, and it was glorious! I can’t wait to relive it, although it’ll probably be weird as hell recapping a game I was present for. But I got on TV! Sort of.