21 Things I Learned From The Ice Bowl

1. Sidney Crosby has some sort of witchcraft. I'm convinced that if you watch the replay on that shootout goal, you will see there are actually two pucks: one which Miller traps successfully between his pads, the other which Crosby produces out of thin air and tosses into the net. (Note: This witchcraft could also manifest itself in the instance of a large sum of money magically appearing in Miller's bank account, which then compels him to leave his five hole gaping wide open to the league's darling. The hussy.)
2. After a little while, I didn't care one whit about the loss, or the craptastic (and suspicious) shootout goal that brought it about. I was just glad to have been a part of the day.
3. A football field is much smaller in person than it is on TV. On TV those 100 yards seem like an interminable expanse of green, which no man should be able to cross without the aid of at least one camel, but inside the stadium it seems like I could spit from one endzone to the other without even straining my neck. If the TV cameras add ten pounds, they must also add ten miles, because there's no other explanation for this phenomenon.
4. Donuts and beer is a perfectly acceptable breakfast when sporting events are involved.
   
5. There is a far greater number of grown men who feel comfortable wearing a Jason Pominville jersey in public than I would have ever thought possible. Seriously, they didn't even seem embarrassed about it!
6. Pittsburgh fans aren't so big on the creativity in their jersey selections, as almost every Pens jersey I saw was a guaranteed Crosby or Lemieux. Not that I blame them, really, since I imagine it's hard to resist the allure of a Crosby jersey for a player who's just not at as talented. But it really made me appreciate the diversity that the Sabres fans showed (and seem to show on a regular basis at games) in their jerseys. There were a lot of Millers, Vaneks, and Campbells, but also some Tallinders, Lydmans, and Gaustads, with plenty of old school names--Ray, LaFontaine, Perrault, Ruff--thrown in. I think the highlight was a Russian National Team sweater with Afinogenov spelled in Cyrillic on the back.
   
7. Yo-Yo's stock has gone way up with the fans. I saw at least ten Hecht jerseys today, most of them with a C attached, which indicates a recent purchase. On the one hand I felt so happy because it means his hard work is getting recognized by people other than me and the people I talk to incessantly about him, but on the other hand it made me long desperately for the sweater that is currently trying to make its way to me through the bowels of the US Postal Service. I was very comforted by the fact that all the Hecht jerseys I saw were of either the Slug or Winter Classic variety. No clones of my blue throwback in sight! Yes!
   
8. I can't stay mad at Yo-Yo. Even when he flubs a perfect chance to put the game away in OT by shooting at the goaltender and I declare that we are not speaking anymore, I don't really mean it.
9. Booing, even when it's a face-to-face activity with other fans, is totally fun.
10. Not enough people are aware that chanting "Go Buffalo Go" or "Go Sabres Go" or even "Let's Go Sabres" is not a good idea. People, you have the best chant known to man ("Let's Go Buff-a-lo!") at your disposal. Use it!
11. Posterboard + wet snow = soggy, useless sign, and no TV fame for Gambler, Meghan, or Dave.
    
12. I'm unnaturally fascinated by zambonis, and can watch them circle the ice for a very long time during any and all stoppages in play, without getting bored or realizing that I'm being unnecessarily forced to watch zambonis circling the ice during any and all stoppages in play.
13. It's perfectly acceptable to waste people's time zamboni-ing the ice at any and all stoppages in play, but the moment smooth ice would be really useful (ie the shootout) it's deemed unnecessary.
14. Campbell-Spacek is not our top defensive pairing.
15. Also, Soupy is totally getting on my nerves, and I kind of wish he'd just go away.
16. I have a hopeless crush on Nathan Paetsch, and whenever he does anything resembling something a normal defenseman would do (ie not sitting on his goalie's head), I'm filled with glee.
17. Patches is not unlike a Shetland Pony.
18. The running joke about Roy the sparkly Bedazzler never gets old, at least not with my sister involved.
    
19. Lindy Ruff does not prioritize health and safety above style, unless that sharp Sabres varsity jacket was lined with blubber. (Also, I want!)
20. Katebits can read my mind.
21. Buffalo is AWESOME, and I will really miss it when I go.